Must…see…if ship options…exist…
Piece by piece the colossal Gashadokuro crumbled, bones collapsing onto the aged ground. The loud fall of the giant can be heard through the hills, it's a blessing in disguise that Funamaki was in such a rural area.
"I have repaid my debt to you, Hikari." Kyourie bowed. "Let's try not to cross paths again." Here comes her annoying smirk. She
Removing the seal from Kyourie took a toll on me; the energy needed to release such a strong spell was more than I had originally anticipated. I, myself am bewildered that I am still standing on my two feet, I should be knocked out by now.
I’m guessing the second part of that sequence isn’t supposed to end like that.
"Dai-chan will make sure we're alright." Haruka added. "Hang on a little longer." Her furry little self was lounging on top the young samurai's head, they looked like the best of friends already, even calling him Dai-chan
You’re missing an “of” between “top” and “the”.
The castle doors looked so welcoming, it had this mysterious hold over me. How can one felt so much comfort in returning to their prison? This Stockholm syndrome had me at its fingertips.
Two female attendants rushed to our sides, they were used to scenes like these, Omnyoujis and their retainers returned all worn and bruised. Their faces didn't wear the same compassion or worry that Daisetsu did. Their features only spelled out a blank, stoic and unchanging. A little part of me envied them for their ability to push pass human emotions.
“felt” should be “feel”
“returned” should be “returning”
there should be another word during the 3rd sentence of the 2nd paragraph, around “blank, stoic and unchanging”
"There's no need to thank me. It is only natural for me to be concern about my master." Daisetsu bowed deeply.
"I should be going." Daisetsu vanished within seconds. Is he a samurai or a ninja?
“concern” should be “concerned”
"Uratoro is indeed astonishing," Daisetsu added when he saw me peeking out the window. "Haruka-san, would love the view." A small smile hung on the corners of his thin lips.
"Dai-chan knows me so well!" Haruka gloated. The little tanuki nodded in approval; she hiding from the naked eyes of unassuming humans like Daisetsu; but I wasn't like any human am I?
no comma is necessary after “Haruka-san”.
an “is” is needed after “she”
Her wild ponytail, her petite figure, glowing bronze skin and signature green jinbei came into view. It's been awhile since I saw her in this form. Her wild ponytail, his lean figure, glowing bronze skin and signature green jinbei came into view. It's been awhile since I saw him in this form.
self-explanatory (my Haruka was a girl)
Another Kitsune? She But unlike Kyourie, this newcomer didn't feel right, there was a malicious aura that surrounded him, he didn't mask his murderous intent.
no “she” necessary
sees the kitsune is hitting on my mc
sees ship options exist for the kitsune
sees it’s greyed out despite my mc’s orientation