Wyvern Soul (WIP created 29/12/21, updated 7/7/22 + character portraits)

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Hi folks –

Please keep your feedback focused on the game and the narrative of that game.

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Thank you for your efforts at making this forum welcoming to authors at all levels.

Having a lot of experience giving feedback, I can affirm that being blunt can be constructive, but it can also be destructive.

A newer author, or one that may be an introvert, can take blunt or “strongly worded” feedback a lot more critically than the person giving the feedback intended it to be.

This is especially the case when the author does not yet know the person giving the feedback.

As a person that gives a lot of feedback, I would urge everyone in our community to establish a rapport with an author before giving “blunt” or “frank” feedback; the tone of your words is often very hard to tell in writing feedback, until you get to know a person.

Also, I’d urge all writers to give those giving feedback as much leeway as you can; they are taking time to read your narrative, and it can really pay off to hear what they have to say… even if it seems to sting to hear the feedback.

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No, I didn’t mean that being blunt is constructive. I mean that the feedback I gave is constructive. I know that I am frequently more blunt than I should be and I know it’s a problem. I just don’t think that means my feedback should be completely disregarded as not useful.

I think A is funny, I told him he was infuriating and he threw back “is that what makes me so fun at parties?” And I was like :eyes: you remembered?!

I am a little curious about relative ages of the characters. To me A felt a little older than the MC. Playing as a royal felt the most natural but maybe everyone has a reason to be stuck up in a tower. I think the background choice is a really cool idea, but I personally would have a hard time writing for so many different types of mc.

Thank you for your demo!

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It’s a good start and defintly has me curious to learn more of the why’s of things and the world with which our MCs will be traversing. So I shall be keeping a eye on the progress made. :smiley:

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seems interesting enough, looking forward on how you will build this world with its lore and adventures, break a leg~ :muscle: :wink:

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Thank you, everyone, for the warm welcomes, comments and feedback. I’m feeling blessed and reassured with the encouragement these have given me!

@Ferddai and @AchilleanHeartbreak, your posts are very welcoming and especially affirming to a fledgling (I like that word so I’m borrowing it) author so thank you both very much. The feedback is exactly what I’m looking for and I really appreciate it. Although, I can’t get that giant nose-man with legs out of my head. I’m imagining him dancing :joy:

Feedback (by everyone):
  • Stats: I was a dafty when it came to uploading the file- it’s up now. The stats screen is, like the story, also a work in progress and will change. E.g., some people mentioned the lore and I am thinking of implementing a section just to that, like the history, races and important figures.

  • MC Pov confusion: The confusion is entirely on me. Sorry about that, guys. Reading back I can see where I’ve confused a lot of folk. To clarify- from the beginning, you play as the mc entering the inn and the entire scene is from mc’s pov, though sometimes you are watching and deciding how the stranger (their gender) and barman (mc’s background and sex) respond in choices. The only part that’s intentional to confuse the reader is the choices under the barman saying “Welcome to the Mount Inn” are meant to surprise you (it is still the mc replying) when you can’t interact with the barman on the next page where the hooded stranger replies because the barman is actually taking their order- it’s meant to reveal that the barman and others can’t see you in your dream. The only other choice not to do with the mc is when picking the hooded stranger’s gender. To make this work, I edit and make the writing clearer especially as I realize I didn’t describe the stranger’s position to the barman. I think to make this clearer I’ll just have them approach the bar then assume readers know they’re sitting near the bar - which is a big mistake I made. It will be later in the day that I edit this particular part as I plan to take the extra time just to make sure all these parts aren’t confusing.

  • I’ve changed typos and also that sentence @Ferddai mentioned (because mentioning their lips that many times is definitely redundant :roll_eyes:).

@MooseMouse Thank you! I’ve definitely been playing about with code to try and make the story interesting :joy:

I’m undecided on if age is something I want to specifically mention about my characters or leave up to the reader’s interpretation (except of course where it’s obvious there is a larger age gap between the mc and other NPCs like children or the elderly). Like one reader such as you might imagine A older, another might imagine them as younger. The reason mc is stuck in a tower works with the background as their background isn’t the reason they’re stuck in a tower.

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You’re very welcome :slight_smile:

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Pretty interesting so far

Ill have to read more to give proper feedback on the feel of it but it seems promising so far

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Changelog (Minor Update 13/01/22)

  • New scene added + character customization.
  • Now 5k words.
  • Uploaded a stats screen (with some minor changes).
  • Tried to make it clearer about MC pov at the start (Let me know if there’s anything more confusing) since this was confusing some readers.

Let me know if there’s any typos, bugs or anything that doesn’t make sense. Feedback is always really appreciated as well :blush:

The next update I’m planning will be bigger and will go more into depth on your background in your childhood (as either a noble, commoner or royal). More characters (and ROs) and worldbuilding will also be introduced.

My college has started back up and it will take a wee while for the update.

Thank you for reading! :slight_smile:

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I love the picture you’ve painted of the tower, it feels as lonely as can be

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@Nick_Miller Thank you! I really wanted to convey a feeling of isolation around it, though mc does get to choose how they feel about the tower regardless :grin:

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Haha well job well done in that regard. My mc definitely feels lonely :disappointed:

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Oh no :smiling_face_with_tear: They won’t feel lonely forever (hopefully :pleading_face: ) ! Adventures are planned! Much chaos will ensue! Plus a ton more characters are about to be introduced :grin:

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Will you add save?

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Yes, I am going to put in a save system. :slight_smile:I just need to work my way around how to do it as I’m new to coding.

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Adventure always helps lol. Also I forgot to say so before but stat screen looks good, personally a fan of the whimsical personality trait :joy:

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:+1::blush:

I like the plot and the fact that we can choose whether we want to be royal, noble or commoner. Will our background make big difference to the story? Any disadvantages or benefits depending on who we are?

Of course, I look forward to meeting the other ROs :heart:

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Same! Peasant all day long babyyyy

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