Writing my first ever story, feedback?


#1

Sorry to disappoint guys, but this one isn’t going to be COG style of writing. I’m going to be posting this on a site/app called “Wattpad”, I asked for feedback there but after waiting for a whole week I didn’t get any :frowning:
So, I decided to post my summary here for feedback and ideas since mostly everyone on this forum gives back a great load of help to the writers. So here’s my summary so far:

  Betrayal, lies, murder, guilt, secrets, and a stalker who won't quit until they suffer- Which one could possibly break apart a group of friends first?

   Ryan Carter, Mason Drew, Allison Kaye, and Claire Thompson, a group of foster kids, are your average elite teens of Richmond High. Rich, smart, and oh-so-hot are some things you might say about them. But, even the elite fall- hard. Follow these four teens as they try to uncover the mystery of their foster parent's past and why someone is out to get them for their parent's mistake. They all want answers, but will they get them in time before it's too late?

    Secrets. Every family has one. What's yours?

**Edit** I’m also stumped on what title I should give my story:
-Their Dirty Little Secret (Their, referring to the foster parent’s)
-Circle of Secrets
-Any suggestions?

Thank you for your time!


#2

Why don’t you create a Choice game?

We’re not really a community for offering feedback on writing, although there are a bunch of them out there. I’ve been out of the whole writing scene for over ten years though so I can’t really point you at any but a quick google search should turn some up that’ll be far more helpful than we will here.

I think your summary sounds exciting. I wish it was a choice game. :slight_smile: It would make a really interesting choice game, living with all of these other foster kids, going to a school, being in the elite crowd, investigating the mystery of their parents past.

If you were writing sci-fi/fantasy/horror I’d suggest http://critters.org for feedback.


#3

@FairyGodfeather

Well, I’ve had COG for a little over a year now so I thought it would have been a safe place to ask. I didn’t think of Google search when I thought about asking for help, though. So, thank you for the suggestion :slight_smile:

I might actually write this as a COG when I’m finished- after practicing with coding and exploring more into the world of writing of course. I wouldn’t want to turn it into a train wreck. lol

**Edit**
Oops, didn’t seem to answer your first question…
Well, since I’m just starting out as a writer I don’t want to worry about the coding. I just want to focus on my writing, then if I feel that I have enough experience I’ll move onto coding so I can turn my stories into a COG.


#4

I know there are others who have similar style threads. It’s a safe place, not the best for feedback on non-interactive writing though. Although hopefully someone here will prove me wrong. Don’t give up because you didn’t get feedback on Wattpad though. There are other places out there.

The best way to learn COG coding is to just do it. Of course that’s easier said than done. I know some of the coding hurts my brain too. I use Twine first to outline things and get an idea of how I want to map the story, then convert to COG.


#5

You don’t need safety; you need criticism, and the fortitude to take it.


#6

What @ADNox said.


#7

@FairyGodfeather
Well, feedback is still feedback. Thank you for your input :slight_smile: I’ll definitely look for other places for feedback.

That’s true. I guess I’ll start practicing the basics of COG coding now so when I do turn this into a COG, I won’t have much trouble


#8

@ADNox

That’s absolutely true! To be honest, I’m not sure why I said, “…a safe place to ask.”


#9

All you need is an honest writing buddy that’ll point out what reads awkwardly, what the reader responds poorly too, what’s grammatically incorrect, etc. My last one became a lawyer and she’s never online anymore, but a competent second set of eyes was priceless.


#10

@ADNox
Thank you for the advice :slight_smile:
I’ll definitely look for someone that’ll do just that.


#11

@DonkeyKong Not to be a douchebag but the summary of your story sounds like every other generic summary ever given for a mystery that involves the wealthy and murder, though it could be a unique story, but I just wanted to point out the fact I almost fell asleep through the summary, though I never thought murder mysteries surrounding the wealthly were very interesting, or really compelling, I find that to be a boring overused element everyone throws in now.

The summary made me think of an ABC drama what the hell is it called? Pretty little liars? more like semi-decent little annoying bores. that show sucks in my opinion and it sounds exactly like that to me. in my opinion if people already associate your story with something no one really likes then they will avoid it. Maybe, have an out-of-the-box approach to it and im just learning this but subtleness goes along way if you hint key events and stuff that may make it more appealing.

Also, the names you came up with… No… Just no… the Generic level in those names were over 9,000 and I didnt need a scouter to see that, perhaps you should just work on the story and over time come up with a name? I think for most people the name for a story either comes at the start or midway through finishing the book.


#12

My suggestion(s) is this: just write it. A single-paragraph summary does about as much good to you as the single-paragraph summaries on the back of a book does, which is little to none at all. Just write it. Take criticisms with a grain of salt, if all they’re doing is deconstructive criticism with nothing constructive to offer, then they have nothing to offer themselves and just move on. Where I work we like to call those the “movie critics” critique, because who is the most worthless person in the production of a movie? The movie critic. Stating everything that sucks and what’s wrong with a movie but never apart of–or offering up anything constructive to the actual movie making process. A genuine critique will deconstruct the flaws of what’s there, and then offer up a modus operandi on how to fix or construct anew to make better or easier to ready or whatever the problem(s) with the narrative maybe. Any critique that fails to do this, just move on.

But given you haven’t truly written anything, and we only have a short paragraph to actually go on, there isn’t really much to work with. So I’d also suggest on giving out a bit more detail on the characters themselves and the setting and the plot itself. Because what’s currently there, I have nothing but a big ol’ question mark. But again, that fails back to this: writing it out. So, one more time, just write it.


#13

Generally when someone says, “Not to be a douchebag but” it’s best to just stop typing.

I agree with what @Apillis is saying. I don’t think there’s enough written yet to be able to offer a critique on it. I also think that critiquing can be destructive. The important thing is to write and get finished with what you’re writing and enjoy what you’re doing. If feedback from others helps you do this then that’s great. I know the draw of having an audience for what you’re doing, and being helpful and supportive. But really you can’t write by consensus, so just write.