Wolves Among Shadows, Minor Update - 7 November

Hello fellow choosers me and @DUNGEON_MASTER have started worked on a new game . We are happy to present the MK Ultra project (title still in progress). Based of the real CIA experiment and project of the same name you play as a

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Ex subject in the experiments who turned out just as the CIA wanted, a perfect killer. Who’s mind was wiped and eventually led a normal life but is now starting to remember what happened

Completely average teen

The demo: https://dashingdon.com/go/1837

We have been working on it for about half a month and we are generally gonna update about 1 to 2 weeks at a time if nothing crazy happens

Change log

4/11/17 - Added difficulty system and extended demo

Thanks for taking the time to read

And no, we are not secretly CIA operatives.

30 Likes

“What the heck?” you question "thats the third time this month."you say shaking your head to help wake yourself up as the fleeting glimpses of the dream fade.

Space is missing here. I also think it’d be better to write the whole “qestion” as one line, like “What the heck? That’s the third time this month.” There’s also inconsistency in capitalization of injections between dialogue lines here and in other places later on.

Your nose catches a whiff of something tasty as you head downstairs and as you open the door to the kitchen and see your mom standing there with her back towards you in full aprin, spatula in hand, making breakfast.

Apron*

You ask causing her to jump and almost lose the spatula on the process.

In*

“I had the bad dream again.” You respond

Full stop missing at the end.

“What the hell! You cant remember your best friends birthday?!”

Friend’s*

" I’m really sorry."

Redundant space.

She shakes her head dissaprovingly saying “well then I guess you are going to have to pay for the party.”

Should be capital.

“I was kidding but next time You better get my a present worth at least as much as the whole party.”

No reason for capital and it should be “me” instead of “my”.

Well my wallet is gonna hate me but at least Jessy wont.

Won’t*. Missing commas as well.

Too little to comment on the story yet, though I like the premise. I think you could do with more descriptions though. As it is, the story feels to be going too fast. The whole breakfast could be more fleshed out, saying how you feel, explaining more on when the dreams started happening, how they’ve been affecting your life lately etc. etc. The appearance of your best friend and more info on what they’re like would work good too. Right now the flow doesn’t feel natural, if that makes any sense.

5 Likes

Thanks for the spelling and grammar help!

I get that, the demo right now is just trying to set up the premise and general setting. I’m gonna flesh out the scenes and I’m trying to find a way to make the explanations natural and not forced.

5 Likes

you did good job i hope keep on going

1 Like

It is intriguing and can’t wait to see how this turns out.

On a minor note kinda wierded out by the usage of heck (seems too tame for a former cia operative or a high school student).

3 Likes

10 PM
Khakis and why do the girls have to wear a skirt and blouse?

4 Likes

Part of the mind wash, make them use the least amount of aggression possible, even in speaking. The other teens will speak like normal people

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Thanks. Uniform is based off my school and I’m just sticking to what I know

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ah ok just curious thanks and no prob

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@Natman1025
What I found

Summary


I think they should be $!{cfhe}


weren’t


The current demo is a bit too rushed in my opinion. I will looking forward to getting know people around mc more :slight_smile:

1 Like

Update : Every thing mentioned here is now fixed.

3 Likes

Of course that IS what a CIA agent would say… :shifty eyes:

Also, is this (even loosely) based off that Jesse Eisenberg/Kristen Stewart movie?

Edit: Picking male names, “Jhon”. Not sure if that is intentional or ‘John’.

High School name (Blade High) should be capitalized.

2 Likes

Quick Update : Natman is currently… [ Class A Permission Required]

[Class A biometric scan required, please apply finger for scan]

Summary

You mean American ultra?

Well some of the action scenes but nothing too over the top (seriously a spoon?!) but nothing plot wise as it is essentially the same besides how they recruit operatives

2 Likes

Done :smile:

@Natman1025 or @DUNGEON_MASTER
These are what I found :point_down:

Summary

Second the is unnecessary.


Unnecessary space.


Second dot/fullstop is shouldn’t be here.


Either happen or happened.


minutes


Is this supposed to be barely?


I think this should be “Master Arcade” considering this place name :thinking:


maybe

3 Likes

Fixed and updated

Thanks Sabrina

Mistake in first line. Well this is embarrassing.

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No problem :ok_hand:

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@Natman1025 or @DUNGEON_MASTER

These are more of what I found (with some comment)

I think this should be “You”.


notable


I think “widens her/his eyes” will more suiting here, unless if he/she do close his/her eyes of course.


disapprovingly


:face_with_raised_eyebrow: interesting. And is that supposed to be comments here? :point_up_2:


What quotations mark at $!{cf} for? :thinking:


And now I must go for now because my phone battery is 2% :running_woman:

1 Like

Yes :laughing:and I knew someone’s gonna look at the code :joy:

1 Like