[WIP] Wonderland Noir, Book 1 (Prologue+Chapter 1 Complete!)

Crashing waves. An eternal blue sea amidst a plane of rolling green hills. A young girl of white and gold, sitting in a wavebeaten chair far too large for her, reading a massive tome.

Alice.

She looks up as you peer in from the window, and beckons you inside. The room is white and black.

“You’re just in time! And I’ve made tea! Would you like any?”

“That’s okay. I’m here to tell you what this story is about. But not too much. Don’t want to spoil anything for you. I’ve already read it, though.”

She grins, with the unfounded confidence and pride only children can have. She tilts the book, showing you the spine. The Moon Shone Green is written in silver.

“In this story, you’ll be a private investigator in a strange world, hired to find…well, me.” Another grin.

“But I won’t just be sitting in this chair! I’ll be making more tea for you, hiding in the last chapter.”

She smacks her forehead.

“Whoops! I wasn’t supposed to tell you that! I mean, um, I could also be hiding in the third chapter! Or maybe the prologue…”

“Anyway, there will be some dark themes. So, be aware of that.”

“Oh! And it will be the first book in a series, but I was told that it will be a complete story. Not sure why I’d need to tell you that, considering it’s in binding, and that would by nature make it a ‘complete’ story. But, there you go.”

“And of course there’s going to be…um…romance.” Her cheeks grow ever so slightly flushed, and she can’t help herself from giggling.

"Not all of the ROs are in the story yet, but they will be soon! You can look under this table if you want to know more about them.

Romance Options

Note: All ROs will be playersexual, and heavily involved in the story.

Amos: Tough guy from the South. Probably Wanted in at least 24 states, and decidedly unwanted in the rest. Heart of gold. Quiet. Eye-wateringly muscular. His middle name is Gilgamesh. Break his shell, and he’ll sing the blues for you.

Lauren: The woman that hired you to find her sister. Confident. Fun. When she loves, it is deep and rather clingy. Expect packed lunches with sweet nothings written on them.

The Neighborhood Spaceman: Intellectual. Animated. Always seems to be where you’re going. If he really likes you, he’ll take you on a nighttime picnic and spend waaaaay too long pointing out all the constellations, only to grab your hand and nervously tell you that you are brighter than any of the stars in the sky. Including the sun, since, well, you know.

Talia: Your stalwart assistant in the whole detective business. Bookish and VERY shy. Gets quite animated when speaking about topics she is passionate about. Won’t realize you were trying to flirt with her until her nighttime shower, where she will chide herself profusely and act weird around you for a week before throwing flowers through your window.

And one secret romance.

Alice smiles.

“And that’s that! I hope you enjoy! Please, don’t hesitate with your feedback!”

She hands you the book.

Demo link: https://dashingdon.com/go/11248

Update 7/19 2:52 EST

If you look through this window, you’ll see the Realm of Discordance. Its a dark place. You’re welcome to join, if you’d like. We’ve prepared tea!

Discord Link: Discordant Realms

Tumblr: Slim Pickens on Tumblr

Presumably Asked Questions

What is the deal with the Angel and the Oxblood Pyromaniac in the prologue? Will they come back?

The angel is his wife. The things he saw in the Far Country broke him to the point where he no longer remembers what her face looks like. He still thinks she’s beautiful, though, and thus the ‘angel’ moniker. The angel had to resort to some terrible dealings in order to bring the Pyromaniac back from war, but he wasn’t the same anymore. So she began using him to kill those that she believed made him like this (generals, other members of his squad, etc.). During this, she heard about WONDERLAND. In the end, they realize that they won’t be able to escape. She goes to WONDERLAND. Or maybe she doesn’t.

What is WONDERLAND?

I’m not allowed to say.

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Me: “…Haven’t I already read this?”

looks at prior posts

Me: “Oh, right, Interest Check Thread.”

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For that little synopsis blurb alone you receive a like :smiley: will check out the demo itself after some sleep lol

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Yeah! Thanks for checking it out! Sorry I never got back to you.

If you’re still curious, I intended “her touch is like quicksand” to imply her being capable of pulling you in easily, both physically and otherwise.

This also alerted me to the fact that I uploaded an earlier draft instead of the completed prologue. So, thanks!

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gasp Is this Fables making its way to CoG?!

Stuff: same initial as "Screenshot" and "Spoilers", and this contains all three

“It is only by dissociation that you” or “Only by dissociation do you”.

You have a space after the second dash, but not after the first. My PERSONAL preference is to have spaces before and after each dash, but whatever you prefer you should be consistent in your writing style.

Missing a comma after “Energy”, and I’m unsure if you meant “leaden”, “leadened”, or “laden”.

This FEELS like there should be a “No.” option that sent you back to the previous choice.

“you fired seventeen shots into a bush that made a threatening gesture toward you.” lol

I think the rest of the paragraph after “IT HURTS” is supposed to be a new, non-italicised paragraph. You missed the apostrophe in “DONT”. Also, you say that the man cried for forty days and forty nights, but that his tears ceased on the forty-third day, and that leaves with two days offffff… both not-crying and not not-crying?

Oh, hey, PTSD, all aboard the trauma train. I take it this is about the Vietnam War?

It should be “woman’s voice” in that final paragraph.

This seems like it’s going to be fun. Looking forward to Chapter 1 (and a save system).

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@JBento Thanks! A save system has since been added, and I hopefully fixed all the weird issues. No idea what was going on with the whole “40 day inconsistency”. Maybe they were metaphorical tears or something.

it seems like the saves dont have saves at all
image

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@Wannabe_Human like the poster above reported save system not fully in place at a glance will say haven’t fully played through the demo but did notice a coding issue of sorts. Not sure if it’s because the path isn’t finished or not though when selecting the gun it goes as far as shooting at the man then loops back to where we select a weapon.

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@Valixon That’s because you died. As the cops discovered, bullets don’t work too well against the Oxblood Pyromaniac. It loops back to an earlier section. I’ll try to make that clearer.

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It seems the saves have run off to Wonderland. Never fear, they’ve been captured now.

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i like the story so far but and sorry if these are spoiler questions but are our powers connected to angels and can we choose what the powers are

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The city council would like to inform you that angels do not exist. If you think you’ve seen an Angel, please find the tallest building, go to the pay phone on the roof, dial 7 three times, and ask for “Saul”.

Every MC will have the ability to access the memories of people and objects, but there will be a way to customize the nature of it.

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That little blurb before was cute! And the story, so far, is wonderful overall!

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Great start! Find this… when you choose the fun it takes you back to when you enter the room and makes you choose again.

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It seems the passage where you choose the gun has grown repulsed by its position, and seeks to take over the other one. I’ll put my best people on it, and we’ll have it restrained within the minute.

It is supposed to loop back there if you choose the gun, though. As the officers discovered, guns don’t work all that well against the Oxblood Pyro.

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What if there’s a twist in the end that alice was a boy??? *kiddin just reminded me of TaishoxAlice :sneezing_face::sob:

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Hmm. It seems the Gods really don’t want you to take your own path. They’re even willing to break the game to ensure their divine will. But don’t worry. We’ll show them.

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Weekly Update: Chapter 1 has begun. Three of the five ROs will be introduced here, as well as more details of the world. The Lore in the stats page has been fleshed out a bit more. As always, any feedback is appreciated.

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Stuff

On the 5th paragraph, you missed capitalising the first “It’s” and the “She”, and you missed the apostrophe on the second “It’s”.

Oh, I thought there was some of the Chapter 1 already implemented, but I guess you just meant that you’ve started working on it. My mistake. Let’s check out the Lore pages.

I think you forgot to close the italics after “The 764th day of travel”, because the formatting doesn’t match that of the 45th day. Additonally, EVERY lore page has an option to go directly to the “tragedy of MOTHER” page, I don’t know if you intended to do that.

Trying to go to the “gods” lore page gives me this error:


(also, I’m not sure if a tract about gods shouldn’t be in the religion section, not the history section?)

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