[WIP] Wonderland Noir, Book 1 (Prologue,Chapter 1, and Chapter 2 Complete!)

Link has been updated with the first part of Chapter 1. I didn’t get as much writing done as I would’ve liked as I was on vacation, but things are still progressing rather swiftly.

This first bit of Chapter 1 does introduce the first two ROs. Please let me know if the descriptions ‘work’, as I am not familiar with this style of writing yet. Thank you all for your time. I hope that you have a great day.

@JBento Thanks for your support and bug/typo hunting! I truly appreciate it!


Save system is borked:

Might as well do what I can to help. :slight_smile:

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The save system doesn’t work

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@Fenrir1 @JBento The saves can be a bit skittish at times, but I think we’ve wrangled them for now.

That happened last update too, I believe. Maybe they just don’t like change.


“whose tortured scream”. In the same page, but too far below to fit in this screenshot, you have “Horned rat”, and I believe you meant to capitalise both words.

“P.I.” should have a period after each letter if it has any period.

No period after “honeymoon”. Also, I got to this screen by picking “Why did they get married, then?”, and that option is still there. On the other hand, “Why didn’t she divorce him?” is nowhere to be seen, even though I haven’t picked it.

“the newspapers haven’t found her yet.”

Noooo. Why do you cut me off when the investigation is about to begin? WHYYYYYYYYY?! :sob:

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Progress on this story will slow slightly, as I have entered the 2022 Halloween Jam. But that does not mean it has ceased completely. I am still incredibly excited to share this story with you all. In the meantime, I will post polls with semi-frequency.

  • I prefer larger updates.
  • I prefer smaller, more frequent updates.

0 voters


Hey, this is good. like, really good. I haven’t felt so enthralled reading something for a while. I really felt like I was experiencing everything myself. It’s otherworldly but still comprehensible with is a fine line that some stories struggle with, and beautifully written. I don’t know what genre you’d call this, but its my favourite. Plus alice in wonderland? i’m sold. I wonder if we’ll run into any wonderlandian characters? Best of luck, and thank you for writing it

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No, thank you for the kind words! They made my day! I’m truly happy you enjoyed my little story.

I’m not certain what genre it is, either. If you can come up with a decent name, let me know.

The city council would like to take this opportunity to remind you that Wonderland does not exist. And thus, it is highly likely that you won’t see any Wonderland creatures. If you do see any creatures, they cannot harm you. If you find that they can harm you, the Council recommends a pilgrimage outside of the city to the Far Country. Their agents would be happy to arrange it for you. Simply wait outside your door. A ticket and bags will be provided.

Any shared delusions should not be verbalized directly. Words have power. The Ci…


Internal Memo

Dammit, WONDERLAND seems to be spreading faster than we initially suspected. Our containment units are incapable of stemming the tide. We’ve rearranged the city to keep traffic flow away from the quarantined areas, but its escaping them. Alice has big dreams. Too big. They’re stretching the seams.

Confirmed sightings of Wonderland creatures include:

The Tweedles
The Caterpillar
The Mad Hatter
The Red Queen
The White Queen
The Jabberwocky
Mock Turtle
The Walrus and Carpenter
Further details to follow. Our objective remains the same. Find Alice. Before she does. Over and out.


Can’t find a way to tie this in thematically, but I’ve started a tumblr! Ask me questions, get updates, what have you. And there’s also a Discord. Its not very active yet, but give it time!

Tumblr: Slim Pickens on Tumblr

Discord: Discordant Realms


Chapter 1 is out! Nothing too exciting, just the introduction of the romance options. Worth noting that I’d definitely consider these to be slow burn romances. And a happy outcome is not certain. All of these people are broken, with varying degrees of self-awareness and self-loathing.

Please let me know what you think!


Okay, it seems that I, in my infinite wisdom, didn’t actually upload Chapter 1. This has since been fixed. And this seems a good a time as any to talk a little bit about my future plans with this story. Sit down, stay a while if you can. If you can’t, that’s okay too.


While the primary goal will always be to find Alice, the means of getting there will shift. I plan to have the next few chapters divided into discrete ‘cases’, where you and your team investigate areas Alice has been to and what she has left behind. Each case will give you more information. The order of the cases will be the player’s choosing, and rather important. Time progresses, and the longer a case is left unsolved the worse things may become. I’ll put up a poll in a little bit, asking which case I should work on first. I am equally excited about all of them.

Regarding Romance, as I stated before it is intended to be slow burn. That’s not to say there won’t be hints of it. It just won’t fully manifest for a while. Given the characters tend to believe themselves incapable of love, I feel it would be a disservice to them to expedite any romantic progression. I hope you understand.

Finally, we shall discuss the MC. If you’ve made it to the end of the current chapter (which hopefully is visible now) you’ll know they have their vices. This cane be overcome, but it won’t be easy. It shouldn’t be.

Specific feedback I’m looking for in this chapter:
The character moments. How were they? Did they go on too long? I’ll be the first to admit that this is my weak point. I tried to challenge myself, and comprise this chapter of mostly character moments. Does it work? Did you get a feel for the characters? Is it boring?

Hope your day is going well, everybody.


Beginning error
@Wannabe_Human Whoopsie! Right as the game starts :laughing:


Welp, that’s embarrassing. One missing quotation mark derailed the entire thing.

Should be fixed now!


lol, I’ve been there many times :laughing:
It can be annoying


Lol, “that’s why this paragraph is still going, isn’t it?” :laughing:

“contacs for that sort of thing.”

“*comment he died”? :thinking:


Hey, that seems like less mistakes than usual!

The comment was a note I left myself. Guess I forgot to erase it. Kinda killed the mood, didn’t it?

I’m going to have to find a way to put you in the game somehow.


Who, little old meow? I mean, moi.


Faded brickwork in a grimy alleyway. A white door, drawn in spiderweb chalk with oddly evocative titles. The sunflower yellow handle shudders, and the eggshell white door opens silently.

Alice is there. Alice isn’t there.

She watches you through the window, eyes wide. She can’t see you.

“Hello again. Have we met before? Or is our first meeting scheduled for next week? How are you holding up? Taking care of yourself? Been a tough couple of days for me, personally.”

Awkward, grasping silence. A clamoring cacophony. She stares at you with big blue eyes, bouncing up and down on her heels. She’s quiet. She’s screaming.

“Oh! I’m supposed to ask you a couple of questions. The next chapter, and likely the few after that, will be divided into discrete ‘cases’, each representing a location or event I’ve been seen at.”

“Here’s a list of the cases, with brief descriptions. Vote on which one seems most interesting to you, and the imposter that calls himself a writer will work on that one first! Oh, and names are subject to change.”

My Best Days were in March:
These past few days have been a bit troublesome for the erstwhile residents of the Complex Apartment. As if the constantly shifting location of their grocery store wasn’t obnoxious enough, now they have to deal with men in dark suits and dreary eyes waltzing around asking questions about a woman named Alice. And there’s this strange shoegaze punk rock mix that seems to be coming from everywhere and never stops playing. Makes sleeping kinda tough.
Themes: Young love, young loss. Dreams for the future, never realized. Visions of lives never pursued.

The city never seems to have an issue with flooding, thanks to the unceasing efforts of the sewer workers. Nobody knows a sewer worker. Nobody knows how to become a sewer worker. Nobody has ever seen a sewer worker. But people have heard them. Apparently they’ve seen Alice going down into the sewers. That’s where the Sorrow Rats live. They’ll be helpful enough, but finding a manhole to reach them will be an unexpected challenge. They seem to have been disappearing, recently. Oh, and people have been disappearing as well, but that’s a bit more standard, here.
Themes: What it means to be human. Pain.

Between the Bars:
A ghost that resembles Alice has been seen in the Rabbit Hole. Or maybe it hasn’t. Accounts tend to vary, even between the same witness. Talia’s background checks on the witnesses turned up nothing. As though they don’t even exist. Probably something to that.
Themes: Letting go. Holding on too long.

A hesitant man from the isolated village in Central Park appears in your office, dressed in an outfit as clandestine as leaves and vines will allow. He buried his daughter’s mangled corpse not three Sundays ago. But she’s back now. Came down the stairs one morning like nothing ever happened. And the whole village doesn’t seem to remember that whole business of her ever being dead. But he does. He remembers his old daughter. Her skin was brighter. And she didn’t look quite so much like Alice.

  • My Best Days were in March
  • RAW
  • Between the Bars

0 voters

Alice smiles dutifully.

“And there you have it! Your insights will be valuable, as always. I really mean it.”

“Oh! I’m supposed to ask you one more question…”

She flips through a notebook three sizes too large for her.

“I’m supposed to ask if you’d prefer to have a head with too many teeth and white eyes or your own headless doppelgänger floating behind you. Wonder why…”

She peers through the screen, past your shoulder. Her eyes widen, but she has the decency to mask her surprise with a polite cough.

And she’s gone. But you aren’t alone.


I like the introduction you made, made me feel like myself being there listening her.


I’ve received some messages from readers stating that the ending scene of Chapter 1 is…too much. Indeed, it wasn’t intended to remain and was written during a particularly bad bout of self loathing.

Should I replace it?

  • Yes.
  • No.
  • Rework it.

0 voters