I really love Arthur a lot, especially during the drinking game! I wonder if the other suitors have an inkling that Arthur has eyes for Mina?
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Yes finally got to meet van heilsing .
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fidere
266
Best thing I’ve read so far about that path 
Thank you so much for the comment and the error spotting, I hope I caught everything. Though, I don’t know what went wrong with that choice regarding taking Lucy’s arm or not… I didn’t see anything wrong with the code. Could’ve been the saving system acting up and bugging again.
Because I must. It gives me serotonin. 
Oh, Quincey knows. He wouldn’t have asked the question otherwise 
And now you’re stuck with him
You mean in Mina’s responses or in the game in general? 
8 Likes
I’ve really enjoyed the update so far! Have only played the Whitby half, but I’m looking forward to meeting Johnathon with a different Mina. Did you have a little snippet on your blog of Van Helsing picking Mina up by the waist and moving her? I really liked that; is that in the future or did it not work in the scene after all?
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fidere
269
Thank you! 
I postponed that scene because it doesn’t fit to „first impression“ van Helsing anymore, because I changed his personality. But I will hold onto it for a later scene 
Thank you! 
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Oi @fidere,who’s your favourite LI/RO?!?
bric
272
I read the open beta (so up to end of Ch 5) and I really enjoyed it.
I think I would’ve liked a little more written about the relationship with Jonathan, mostly because a lot of the choices regarding him are based on how you feel about him, but it’s hard to really know since there’s not a huge introduction to what that relationship looked like/how it developed/etc.
If I’m remembering correctly, I think there are also some occasional areas where the paragraphs aren’t really broken apart so instead of having a blank space before the next paragraph, it kind of runs together. I should’ve noted where specifically but I didn’t, sorry! If you want, I can replay and look for examples.
The only other thing I can think of is that it could be helpful to provide a LITTLE description of Dracula’s role in the story when you ask for the gender preference. Or maybe wait until the part of the story where we actually meet Andrei (because I’m assuming that’s Dracula lol). But that’s a minor thing.
Overall, I like where the story is going and encourage you to keep writing!! I’m excited to see the finished product.
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@bric I don’t think there’s much to talk 'bout Johnathan and Mina’s relationship except them being childhood friends along with Lucy and Lucy and Johnathan hated each other mostly for Mina…
It’s just how you want to build the relationship was written so far…
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THIS WAS SO GOOD. I was already excited when I found out you could choose Dracula’s gender but I was not expecting the glorious historical gay romance between Lucy and Mina!! I don’t even know how to put into words how much it meant to me to see and how hard this route hit.
And the responses were perfect? There were multiple occasions where I would have a reaction to the events in the story and then look down to find something similar was a choice option, or it would be the default dialogue. I have now run through Dracula and Lucy’s route.
I will definitely be keeping an eye on this! Below I collected some errors/typos/suggestions:
Typos and Grammar Errors Existing as of 8/25
- Mother is capitalized when used as a title or proper noun, but should not be capitalized when merely being used as a noun. An easy way to test this is to try and replace ‘Mother’ with a name, and then you usually discover that “your Mrs. Westinra” sounds odd.
- A assortment of 'Mrs. Westinra’s (and other abbreviated titles) missing their periods.
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It should be ‘Spiritualism’
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eerie
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I am seconding the paragraphs that run together, but they are frequent enough it is probably worth doing an entire read-through just looking for those. I did include an example below so you can see what they look like to the reader:
Pronoun coding errors:
Minor Suggestions:
-
You may want to adjust female Dracula’s scene here a little bit. Perhaps have Mina ask what Ana will do when she has to walk home alone at night?
-
[also from Dracula’s beach scene] ‘etiquettes’ is I think technically grammatically correct, but not typically used in English, and even less so in the 19th century because the times in which a person would use the word etiquettes would mean acknowledging that there is no one single right code of polite conduct. We always say things like “What about etiquette?”
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An easy way to give a more historical feel to your writing would be to keep contractions out of your narration. They still existed in dialogue, but the use of contractions in writing outside of that is very informal and recent in English.
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fidere
275
Ah, yes I see what you mean. You can get a few more insights into Jonathan’s relationship with Mina when you choose to go to the gardens in chapter 4, instead of staying with Lucy or going to the beach, etc. Though, it’s not a lot, I have to admit. Maybe I can tweak it a bit, but as @Empress_Nightmare has already said, there is not a whole lot to say. 
But we’ll see, maybe I get a brilliant idea how to fix that.
Thank you for the heads up about the paragraphs, I think the *if’s are the problem here. And thank you of course, for the kind words! 
Thank you 
Wow, I’m very, very pleased to hear this. It still amazes me how many people like Lucy
Also, thank you for commenting on the responses, they are my biggest fear because I always feel like I am missing an obvious reply. It’s a relief to hear that someone likes them.
I will go through the spelling and coding errors, thank you for those. There are always some that slip through my fingers. 
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Lol I had almost the same reaction for that…
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Hehe it’s a nicely done route… No wonder Lucy got many fans…
@fidere lol didn’t I already asked a long back who is your favourite RO/LI and who’s the favourite character so far?
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fidere
278
You did! And I still don’t have one favourite, they are all great in their own way
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Hi, just wanted to let you know I love your game. I have replied before but I wanted to say it again.
I love vampire fiction and I’ve read/watched a lot of vampire stories but yours still adds something new.
I like the way Mina can respond to things, she’s not a damsel in distress and can actually think for herself.
I do hope Lucy gets her happy ending, poor woman deserves it. In several adaptations it doesn’t end well for her and I think that’s really sad. I’m the kind of player who wants to save everyone so hopefully I can keep everyone alive (or undead without getting staked🤔).
I really like your version of Dracula so far. Charming and mysterious with a side of ravenous monster. My favorite kind.
To be honest, I like Lucy and Ana so much that I’m not interested in the ‘good guys’ love interests. I’m joining the dark side, they don’t even have to bribe me with cookies.
One last side note, today I watched a quiz show with a categorie ‘famous vampires’. It turned out Lucy Westenra was the best answer for that round. I thought that was kind of funny and it reminded me of your game.
Keep up the good work.
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This was AWESOME!!! I really like the story so far and can’t wait for more!! I wasn’t paying attention to the act it ended on(sorry 
) so if whats there is all that’s open to the public, then I humbly await the release of this already 
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Yesterday @leslyoh on tumblr posted an amazing fanart of your version of Lucy nd Mina + the link for your demo! Wow, that was so great! I finished it really quick, your work is super well done!
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I LOVE this! Read it all in one go, and hungry for more! This is really cool and a nice twist on Dracula.
Also I see I am definitely not alone for my love of Lucy lol.
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