(WIP) Wake to weep (July 10th 2024) 31k words

First of all, I hope you enjoy it. And even if you don’t, I hope you don’t consider it a complete waste of time.

I know it’s too early for the thanks, but I would still like to thank the people on this forum who helped me when I was still learning the basics of choicescript. Without you, this post would not be a thing.

Before we get into the story, I would like to give a couple of trigger warnings for self harm, violence and suicide.

Wake to weep is a story focusing on humanity. The synopsis reads:

You are a ravage, a genetic mutation of human DNA that needs to feed on them to survive. One day, you receive a letter informing you that your parents, the only ones with contacts who could get you food, mysteriously died.

-Play as male, female or non binary, with the option of being trans.
-Explore different choices and the effects they have on your stats.
-Decide to give up your humanity or fight for it.
-Romance one of three ROS: a detective who is working on your parents’ case, a doctor with an interest in ravages and third, a ravage like you.
Mc is 25 and mentally ill.

Here is a link to the prologue.

https://dashingdon.com/go/16558

Let me know of any grammar mistakes, errors or even feedback you have related to the story.

Changelog

03/07/24 - Posted the wip, 14k words.
04/07/24 - Bug fix and grammar fix.
04/07/24 - Small update, 16k words.
04/07/24 - Update, 20k words.
05/07/24 - Small update, 21k words. Prologue almost over.
05/07/24 - Prologue finished! 22k words.
07/07/24 - Small update, 25k words.
10/07/24 - Update, 31k words
14/07/24 - Bug fix.

ROS

-Detective Marcus Rivera, 30 years old, male.
-Doctor Jada Nelson, 29 years old, female.
-Diana/Eric/River Jones, 26 years old, gender selectable. (Female, male or nonbinary)

100 Likes

heya!! So, It asks for our name 3-4 times in a row (when you choose to input it. Idk if it does the same choosing a preset one)

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:sweat_smile: I’ll fix it right now. Thanks!

Hm, that’s strange. I can’t seem to find this bug. Does it happen right at the start or…? I tested it with all name options (masc, fem, neutral) but it doesn’t happen to me :frowning_face:

Hmmm yeah that’s weird. Idk, I chose masc names and input my own. Once you click next, it automatically switches over to preset fem names (which I input the name again) and once more, when I clicked next, it shows neutral preset options, then finally ask for a last name after that lol.

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Okay so, I found the issue. It was something that I would have never thought of, which is why I never got it while testing. It should be fixed now!

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I have an issue with the save system. Anytime I save and go to stats, I can’t return to the place I stopped. Even when I load the save file.

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Great!!


Also, Idk if they were meant to be funny but, these two lines actually made me laugh out loud. Especially, the dust.

pulling a fabric tissue from god knows where and bringing it to his eyes

This instantly reminded me of cartoon characters, pulling food and everything else out of thin air

“They were kind, oh so kind!” he raises both fists in the air. A rain of dust falls from the low hanging ceiling light his arms clashed with. You both cough.

:joy: He got a little too dramatic


@Kingjo17 That happened to me too. But I think thats because the game was just updated to fix the name issue. I refreshed my tab and restarted the game and now the save is working fine. At least for me.

3 Likes

Since @Shenice_L told me it works for her, I will now add the save system again. :slightly_smiling_face:

They were very much meant to be funny and I’m so glad that they made you laugh! The mayor, as you will see is a very interesting character in general. :slightly_smiling_face:


image
Love it alot def going to be replaying

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I’m getting Tokyo ghoul vibes from this, idk if it’s a coincidence but I like it so far.

3 Likes

I really liked the concept and your writing style. It’s pretty vivid and my favorite part was the MC’s inner monologue: it’s interesting seeing how the hunger affects them and now I’m curious to see how things will go if their humanity becomes too low (mine may or not may be in the negatives already lol)

Looking forward to the next chapter!

my stats

missing quotation marks

at the end of the first paragraph and in the first phrase of the second one, I think

4 Likes

That means a lot to me! Fixed the error. For some reason I was convinced that mrs was spelled as msr ahah.

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Tokyo Ghoul was one of my favorite manga series when I was younger, so yes you would be right. I also took inspiration from a webtoon called “Sweet home” and to anyone who reads this, I recommend both!

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As someone who is not very confident about his writing style that means so so much to me. :slight_smile:

Oh, no. I didn’t think anyone’s humanity would be so low that it might go negative, I will fix that right now! (not that it’s a bad thing, if anything it highlights just how much you have decided to go all in for the give up your humanity choice!)
I’m very happy you like it so far and thank you for the feedback. By the way, are your stats with the two ROS low because of choices you made or did you get a bug where you didn’t meet either of them?

2 Likes

Havebt finished the demo yet but im liking the style and mystery thus far lol and despite playing what i think a nice one would be. I have this itch that says i should burn the house down to the ground and do the same to the hospital. An my current MC defintly doesnt trust or like the mayor something about him beside the obvious fakeness rubs the wrong way probally because of the whole will thing.

Something about that on top of many of the neighbors and acquaintances around where we grew up having signs for there places to be rented smells of fishy to me lol

As to the hospital just what little i have seen so far from story note havent gone to it yet. If its the same place that orginates from the nightmare and scar tells me all is not good and makes me suspect other things.

Will continue when i can but good job :smiley:

PS: not sure on the dectective yet he is a remains to be determined category lol

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Found these!

Screenshots


This one feels like it’s missing a comma or an ‘and’ (after ‘urgency’) (also needs a comma before ‘but’):

Weird line/paragraph break:

Supposed to be a comma? Also, I believe the correct order would be ‘long’, then ‘black’:

No need for a ‘.’ there, and Mrs. should be capitalized I think
xxx5

Good luck with the game :grinning:

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I was really curious, you see lol I will also certainly make another MC with high humanity (and who’s less hostile) to see the differences latter too.

It’s because of the choices, I did meet Rivera.

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Enjoying it so far.

I did run into an issue upon entering city.

Mrs is for married women. Ms are for unmarried women. Ms can also apply to most regardless until corrected by a Mrs.

Letting you know in case unaware, and only problem up to that point thus far. Nice work!

2 Likes