Got an error when I sabotaged
And one another on when I tried to follow the orders but failed
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Fixed the first problem, and hopefully fixed the second!
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The error is in fact still there and the only way to go around it is to not fail, otherwise I wouldnāt be able to move on.
Hereās another one, after Fulk sends you a letter and you choose to write back. Very intrigued about this choice so Iām going to patiently wait for a fix.
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Worked at both. I do hope that latter one doesnāt throw any more glitches - gosub commands are not my strongest suit 
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Is it even possible to get 60 at medicine? I replayed 4 times, trying different choices and I couldnāt get such number even after this point.
I really enjoyed the game, though wish it had more plot regarding two things:
- Part about rising the dead was great, I wish MC could pursue more of their scientific research in this regard(and succeed)
- Wish there were more romantic interactions with E, romance feels really detached from the plot.
10 Likes
Hm. Most fail-able choices in the last chapters are 60, but there might have been a lack of medicine-improving options before that. Changed the requirement for 50 as a quick fix for now.
2 Likes
Fixed.
2 Likes
When I first saw this, I dismissed it as a dull, boring and depressing work. Alas, I was a fool to dismiss your story.
Finally, after much debate, I decided to play this game.
You are a god among mortals, for your writing āā however lacking in unrealistic bold flirtations, which I never do like too much of āā can invoke such strong feelings.
The joy of MC was mine, and the sorrow was mine also.
How bittersweet, it was, to read that sentence of both them and Eās affair crumble into dust.
Iām sorry if I sound like Iām writing some terrible poetry, I always do sound odd when I find a really good story. ( Also, perhaps itās the fact Iāve been gushing over this story for around a hour? ]
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Congrats on finishing!
First, I love how atmospheric the game is, it has a really unique and consistent feel to the world thatās really impressive and feels grounded in reality (even with the whole magic thing lol). On the same note your use of connotated words to reinforce the world is really well done too (cambric, camlet, catgutā¦ other C words) and thereās never really a time where I feel like the world breaks my immersion.
E romance
So my biggest personal wish is for the romance with E to get more attention. As of right now the romance is almost completely one sided and not even necessarily on the mcās side; it feels more like me as the player telling the mc to be in love with E. I feel like the kiss scene (and I guess the epilogue but weāll get to that) is literally the only time E shows even the slightest real interest in the mc and thatās only if you choose to press it and not back off. I acknowledge the fact that writing the romance was likely not your focus or hold that much interest from you, but I feel like the story line when romancing E would heavily benefit from more focus.
Examples of things you might include: Itād be nice to have just one scene of the mc and edward alone just like, being in love? Edward really needs to show more interest in the mc 'cause I literally cannot name a time where E even looks at mc in an unambiguously affectionate way (closest I can say is at the attempted murder reveal ) The confrontation before we get sent to Ilverton has nothing in it that I can without a doubt say is unique to a romanced E (excluding another one sided choice). Just like; little moments where it actually seems like E and mc are involved and not distant cousins who havenāt seen each other in years
I think the interaction with our brother at the tourney could use a bit more focus as well. I tried pretty hard to be nice to him and at the end it did say I had reconciled but it really didnāt feel like it? Most of the interactions were short and not very emotional(? like it felt disconnected and I was once again talking to some rando I just met): something like the do you write to your brother, but about whether or not you genuinely care about him (I assume the letter question holds a similar connotation but it is too tangled with whether or not we are repentant to serve) and if we do care about him showing that more in places like when he gets stabbed, especially if we treat him
So on that note; I feel like you really do, do an amazing job of atmosphere and worldbuilding, but are distinctly lacking in engaging character relations. (also the next note honestly)
Related Spoiler
The Julian thing is a really cool reveal and plot line and stuff, but once again falls short on the character connection and emotional investment. I understand the desire to have it be a surprise but learning for the first time that I was in love by also learning that said love is dead (and my fault) very much took away any dread or confusion I might have had about it and so the reveal ended up being
?? I was in love? and not 
poor Julian. And then later it wasnāt any emotions just āOh! thatās what the picture was!ā (which was a very cool setup and stuff btw)
So idk how much you would have to change or add to make it emotionally investing but Iād really look into an earlier reveal of our relation to Julian (through like a flashback or something? specifically one that displays that we were in love with them) and a continued buildup of the guilt and regret over Julianās death because as it is itās the current reveal that julian is even dead is more like āwe found the documents we were looking forā āyou didnāt wait for me to shred them??ā when I feel like you could really evoke a lot of emotion with the premise
*note I do not know the other name for this character, sorry, lol
Okay so I really donāt think you should put the āmistress/misterā ending behind a stat check (I did not pass and it made me mad: also Iām assuming it was a stat check and not just a hard fail because that would be way worse) I just really donāt think it adds anything at all to the story and maybe itās a little realistic but I still hate it >:(
edit: okay so the entirety of the above really shows my interest in romance, so I think the bias is pretty obvious but I wanted to mention it just in case; if you really donāt want to add more to the romance thatās okay and the book/game/story can definitely stand on its own in itās current form <3
So I had like 67 cunning somewhere between 45-55 medicine and 44 (i think) estate management and I could pass doing what ed tells us just fine (with the exception of the why are you doing this? question which I could only answer one despite at least three seeming eligible: Iād really look at rewording those to be more clearā¦ especially the I want to see ed happy answer 'cause I feel like someone who is romancing them should really pass that one just fine)
But I couldnāt (as of last night) pass any of the stat checks for the sabotage?? I still think at 50 the stat checks might be a little high but Iām not really a fan of stat checks anyway so take that with like a pound of salt.
(I spurn chronology and doing things in an easily comprehensible way) Is there a reason that a cunning character cannot pass the fulk fight? (again Iām assuming itās passable at all) I assume the final option (just jump him) is the cunning option, but it leads to the same result as failure of the other two.
Anyways: that was long and Iām pretty sure entirely subjective so please take it as such, I donāt have a very good grasp of tone in text so please be aware that I very much enjoy this story and think it is already amazing <3 once again congrats on starting the beta 
16 Likes
Has the game frozen for anyone else after the Lord Ilverton conversation? I canāt seem to get past that point in the game myself, if there is more content after
Can you provide a screenshot?
Yeah, there was a stray unclosed bracket. Fixed it now.
I really enjoy this WIP, I do agree with some of the critiques about the relationships feeling a little one-sided or wooden.
One spot that I found a little confusing was in Chp. 7 when E confronts you about Julian they say āMy home was supposed to be a cesspool. A refuge for a fugitiveā and you respond with āI can go to Alnerwick, and negotiate your marriage to Lord Ilvertonās daughter/sonā
It just feels like a really abrupt shift in topic.
14 Likes
I got an error message if I choose to sabotage the marriage proposal
can you post the screenshot?
Changed to āsomeoneā.
Overall my reaction to this WiP is that itās really fantastic, I love the world that youāve created and the story beats. But I do agree that a lot of conversations and interactions between people just felt somewhat rushed and could be fleshed out more. Romances especially seemed like a footnote in here without any real emotional weight. Kind of just felt like I was told I was in love with this person and thatās it. Honestly the story is great, now I just needs some filler to be honest to make me more invested in the characters.
5 Likes