I am glad you guys enjoyed the new ending!
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Minor update: the scene of saying goodbye to Arthur in chapter 6 is expanded in the case of high relationship stat (again, to show more feeling).
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The MC in some play through is like :
So it’s been some time since I read this one and wow you did such a good job. It was a decent read before but with the extra scenes it gained a lot of quality
Also as a sucker for romance I really appreciate that you went out of your way and let the mc build a relationship. The snippets really helped set the environment and therefore let us understand the people and their characters in this world.
I am so intrigued by the backstory and the little snippets of J made the relationship the mc had with them before so relatable. Julian (in my play through) seemed to be such a nice person I really felt for the mc.
I recognize, that you learned a lot and think your writing did improve.
[spoiler] one scene where that becomes very apparent is the trainings scene it was such a good scene!
It was dynamic and you really got to know Athur beneath the Lord role he takes with such a stoic approach.
Also you fight scene😘 no twirling and that was really appreciated. A lot of authors tent to not research melee fighting with medieval weapons and only look towards Hollywood for inspiration so a good fight scene is always appreciated [/spoiler]
Also : Do you plan on writing other stories in this world? I think you have real good potential there because even if we don’t get to know the world in it’s details it really seems as though you have a good universe setting there
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Thank you very much for your review! Yes, I am indeed outlining a game set in the same world’s version of Byzantium (the place is mentioned in Fulk’s letter in the end).
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Nice, I look forward to that 
Low level feedback
Some pronoun errors. I was playing as a female the whole time.
You hear the steps of two men getting to their feet behind you, and the metallic sound of two swords being drawn. Fulk hears them, too, and pulls you to your feet, scrapping the skin of your throat.
‘You there’, he calls, pulling your hair and baring your throat, ‘one stop, and he dies’.
[…]
‘You’re reasonable’, Fulk says, taking a step back. ‘Don’t move. I’m not going to hurt him’.
[…]
‘You’re going to let me leave’, Fulk of Stone’s Haven states, close to the door now, ‘and I’m going to let him live. It’s a fair deal, isn’t it?’
‘I’ve certainly heard about your brother’, Lord Ilverton grins. ‘I’ve also heard about your rift. I admire a young man’s attempt at bluffing, but it looks as if you are going to be in no position to provide us with connections to him anytime soon’.
A lot of wonky punctuation. Here are some that I took care to lift, but there are several scenes are littered by them.
‘Master Morkar ’, he says to the unseen newcomer. ‘I didn’t know you were going to stay up so late tonight ’.
You turn , and sees a man who has clearly seen more than seventy winters.
I’ve also bolded the grammar error in this one.
A line break error.
You are going to have to go behind not simply the world’s back, but that of your own employer
and lover
in order to convince him to do as you want him to.
High level feedback
To me, the story lacked a lot of feeling. I was playing as a character that loved Edward, but ultimately decided to leave him in the end for his own happiness in marrying the Ilverton daughter.
Yet, when my MC suggested trying to talk to Lord Ilverton about this deal, she seemed completely stoic and unaffected about this. If I were in this situation, I definitely would’ve been a bit more hesitant, or at least showed a shred of emotion for having to resort to this decision for the happiness of my beloved.
Same for my brother and Julian, too. Felt like they were just tossed in there to advance the story. Maybe a flashback of a memory, or a scene where the MC reminisces a memorabilia given to them would be able to help with this.
Something that confused me
After exploring the Finthorp estate and confronting Master Morkar, he says this:
‘The axe…’ Master Morkar sighs. ‘Your memory must be playing tricks with you, Rodrik. You have seen Elwin’s execution when you were but a child, didn’t you?
I’m pretty sure that the MC was talking to Master Morkar in the paragraph before, then the next paragraph starts with this. I got confused because he said the name Rodrik, when I was playing as an MC named Deirdre, thinking that he had incorrectly referred to me.
Then it came to me that he was probably referring to himself. I think giving him an action that indicates that he’s talking to himself (looking/turning away from the MC, closing their eyes while sighing) would be better for clarifying that.
Unless he’s not talking about himself? Do let me know if I’m wrong.
All in all, I quite enjoyed the story. It’s just as I’ve said in the high level feedback - the lack of emotions feels detaching to me. Maybe it’s just my cup of tea, though.
You have a talent for writing descriptively, especially with surroundings. I hope you don’t mind if I steal that line about Edward’s face being painted with warm hues; it did a great job of immersing me into the story.
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Thank you for the detailed feedback! I am working on rewriting/expanding the lategame scenes right now.
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Update 18/08/2021:
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Chapter 7: changed and expanded the confession scene
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Chapter 8: added a scene during negotiations and backstory stuff
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Chapter 9: significantly expanded the proposal scene
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I hope this helped with the emotional side of things. I am going to make a couple of updates for that aspect in the future, too.
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Thank you; fixed it!
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(Sorry couldnt post with screenshot because it wouldnt let me. Also I’m not sure if need to censor for spoiler but pls let me know if I need to and how;; )
I ran into this after getting banished from failing the marriage…
chapter9 line 1097: invalid expression at char 48, expected no more tokens, found: NAMED_OPERATOR [and]
Btw is it possible to get an happier ending with E without arranging the marriage ? Idk if it’s because my relationship bar was so low or something but the ending with marriage made me so disappointed and this ending (failing marriage arrangement) doesn’t seem to be good either… it doesnt feel like E has any interest in my mc in my play through T_T
I’ve tried to alter the code; can you check if it’s working again?
There is a rather traditional happy ending if you sabotage the negotiations or simply fail them and have a high relationship stat with E at the same time.
I still cant progress;;
And I see, I’m gonna replay the game again and aim for higher relationship^^
Added a couple of brackets to the variables string - perhaps, that might help
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Author request to open.
I am restarting my work on this project! I know it’s been a long time, but - I changed the code a little, can you check if it’s working now?
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Oooh, I’m very happy to see this story come back! I liked it a lot, and I was starting to fear that it had been abandoned, which would have been such a shame.
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The gender of the lords keeps changing i choose it to be female but it changes to male.
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