[WIP] The Murder of Shaun Denver DEMO

I love the concept, having grown up on CSI, NCIS, and Law and Order. However, the dialogue doesn’t sound like different people talking, it sounds more like one person talking for different people. Also, the part where you try a cheeky British accent before arriving at your first crime scene would have been a wonderful personality check. Lastly, and this is a stretch seeing as this is in early alpha, there are places that could use a touch up on grammar and punctuation, as well as some spelling errors.

Overall, though, lovely story.

P.s. (Nothing to do with grammar or spelling or anything) In the U.S., where this is set, “Passion Crimes” are referred to as “Crimes of Passion”.

1 Like

Taking very long to load to the next chapter

This topic was automatically closed 60 days after the last reply. If you want to reopen your WiP, contact the @moderators.