[WiP] The Golden Eagle

Have you ever fire machine gun? It more for cover and plunging fire. At the same time I am betting money @Goshman will give ladies something equality awesome if not more so.

I want same as boys not being separate as a different race is insulting. and sexist is like say Colored only like those horrible nasty racism signals.

It not sexist in the storyline. It just rout close to you because you cannot charm that lovely woman who known that genus she hooking you up because she like the MC. The again I cannot get hold lovely romantic moment with the countess so I will take my big gun as consolation prize thank you. :stuck_out_tongue:
For all I known you could help kick start the bloody airplane.

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But there are other ways like stole plans blackmail or directly assassination. Countesse is in other path and give Mara ANYTHING ALSO SHE IS UGLY WITHOUT HALF FACE . I WANT Goods NOT SEX

fired. no. but I know what your saying but in the context of that battle, in the narrow valley with massed units - it is much more effective then in the New world where it is more for urban city use against rioting colinists then fighting natives in the bushā€¦ or are you going to argue this with me?

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No at the same time would say it like that just sounds so unpleasant, and makes me thing of great Blackaddler clip that I cannot find it. sadly. :frowning:

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I think something is missing here:

A small group of cavalry rushes past and into another row of tents, suddenly unleashing an abrupt and rapid storm of gunfire as soon as they are out of sight. Directly ahead of you, you can still see the

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I would post how I think Mara looked in that time clothingā€¦ Of course not military because she is not a real military.

https://goo.gl/images/u0ZHJ4
Sadly game donā€™t let Mara dress beautiful clothing!.. :sob:

vampire wedding? :no_mouth:

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I just google search steampunk gowns lol. But internet seems call steam punk Victorian era clothing as vampireā€¦ Donā€™t ask me why. But the photo and the dress is cool

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Thank you all for the feedback. I need people willing to push me to re-examine my own work, and pointing out faults is a great way for me to find places where I can improve.

There was quite the sudden flood of discussion, especially about the Observer path, so rest assured that Iā€™ve taken notes. The Observer path is a major change in location and culture, so it requires a bit more in-depth exploration and world building than the University path. In fact you can see that in the difference between word counts, as the Observer chapter is 10k words longer than the University chapter while taking place over a single year instead of three.

Also, Iā€™m so very glad to get called sexist for having a female heterosexual NPC possess motivations and goals of her own instead of having her entire existence revolve around what and who the MC will happen to be just so she can spurt out gatling guns for one and all. Thanks for that.

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No I am not calling you sexist for that. I am calling you sexist to the only way to obtain a weapon is Prostitution a male character. There could be tons of ways to obtain a weapon from spying to blackmail. And only for males. If it were only for black or white people everyone would complaint. I see great male has a weapon via sex, if there were other way around to obtain it or sabotage it for other both spectrum of gender.

Or as a other spectrum I could have another similar experience even without reward What you are writing is If you are awoman or a serah you go there to be a flower vase and read a 10,000 words essay about PiƱata people and slavery. You could remain home and sew a dress there is nothing to do for you.

I think there may be a bug on the university path. My MC suddenly claimed to have told the revolutionary character that they want nothing to do with him or his ideals when he barges into their room, but to my recollection they had said no such thing to him before. In any way the sudden hostility from my MC towards the would be revolutionary felt rather out of character.

Well, you kind of are because you have no idea how Chapter IV will go, Mara, or what my plans are for the gatling gun and the inventor. So far in the thread weā€™ve been discussing this chapter that you have just read and derided as essentially nothing but a travel pamphlet, not what the next three years of the MCā€™s life will be like in the Baedran Free State.
Be honest with me, if I flipped it around and only female MCs could get their hands on the gatling gun, would your first reaction still be to call it sexist? How about if I made it solely for the serahs? If so, would your first reaction be just as strong?

Following that same logic of a group being left out, is it also anti-intellectual to introduce the gatling gun? After all, an MC that follows the University path instead of taking a boat to the far side of the world cannot get a chance to introduce a gatling gun to the Old World.

If you truly believe that exploring the subjects of race, gender, slavery, and culture are not relevant or should not be explored, especially as a juxtaposition to the far more liberal society of the Empire, then Iā€™m not sure any of my stories are quite for you. Even Lords of Aswick had many of those themes being explored.

And just to be facetious, the Observer path is just over 51,000 words long and doesnā€™t follow in any way the literary rules of an essay. I could write up a 10,000 word essay about the Baedran Free State for you if you wish, but that would be as genuinely dull as you make the Observer path sound like.

Poorly thought out code on my part in that section. Iā€™ve fixed it and itā€™ll come out with a future patch, probably tomorrow.

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Well If you are so hostile to my feedback I will restraint to give anything. Or be totally false about it. Like you are wanting only praises. And yes, if were contrary I would find it sexist. I have defended in many games that males and non binary should have same opportunities to flirt and seduce as females.

Chapter is well written. If you were showing our characters doing something instead of telling in a wall of text I would love read the new world story. Visit a native village as a result of some sort of treaty were the empire is in arbitration . Spy zome sort of new features of the colonies in order of directory and discover a plot or some sort of corruption in the management of plantations and territories. Maybe even discover some nasty business in the embassy. ā€¦ Could visit the slave market or some other thingsā€¦ No you give NOTHING TO DOā€¦ GO THERE AND READ A LORE TEXT WITH NO REAL CHOICE OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. But be sure I wonā€™t waste my time in an author that only wants appraisal and insults everyone that tries to improve the quality of the game I like .

The obvious solution would be to be able to get close the inventor too by playing and cultivating the right relationship with her father, who is that inventorā€™s patron after all just, in just the right way. That would probably require faking a reactionary, pro-slavery even worldview but it should perhaps be possible to get to the gun through the father, rather than the daughter.

Yeah, but what will there be for us gay guys? :confused: Of course Simon on his own is awesome, but I donā€™t think heā€™s a gay exclusive.

I donā€™t think that would be dull, but then I like lore and world-building,

Observer path will get another chapter in which we could be doing a lot more stuff now that our characters have gotten their bearings in the new-world and hopefully speak the language well-enought (particularly if high-intellect).

Of course in even in the absence of the Gatling gun, unconventional tactics combined with a regiment or two of new world troops might prove just as decisive in the coming revolution and possible civil war.

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I appreciate the feedback, truly I do.
However, if you are going to call me sexist based on incomplete information, Iā€™m going to push back and defend myself.

Thereā€™s a major difference between constructive criticism, which makes for absolutely magnificent feedback. You did give me plenty of constructive criticism throughout your posts, but then you also start painting the chapter as a boring essay that makes you want to blow your brains out. Suddenly everythingā€™s Pinata this, Pinata that, give Mara a gatling gun to save this horrible terrible chapter. Let Mara go out drinking and whoring, despite the fact that clearly in this place Mara would step one foot into a whorehouse and be considered one of the prostitutes based on gender alone. Let Mara deal in slaves and become rich the second Mara steps off the boat, let Mara do this, that, and all the other things too.
That kind of hyperbole is no longer constructive and tells me nothing except that you clearly abhor this particular chapter.

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It could be a bit problematic to lock an item behind an RO, especially an RO who is only into one specific gender.

A you going to make an path exclusive items/advantages for gay men, straight women, homosexual women serah who are into men and serah who are into women as well to balance it out? Because that is quite a lot of exclusivity.

The obvious solution is to have an alternative path to the weapon, or have a friendship path to the woman in question.

I role play so I give feedback in character. For good or for worse critical feedback . You have seen that for months. But like the feedback was positive you even laughing about it. I was not the only explain their characters motivation your own thread is full of people talking about what they did and what they donā€™t. But like that were mostly positive. You didnā€™t complaint.

If you post something asking for feedback you have to handle different opinions not going directly insult the people that take the time to help you. I called the scene sexist not you. I still found it sexist not for the fact of man whoring . But for the fact is the only way. And the only real choice in all the chapter . I would certainly be happy to read a scene well my character is mistreated for being a serah or a woman seen the open hostility . Hear insultsā€¦ That would end giving the chapter a certain dynamic and action. The image of being mistaked with a whore for a drunken man or with a slave servant could add a good idea to introduce lore more slowly. Like wow they are rudeā€¦ and they have slaves? A better more emotional emphasis to make the slavery a interesting topic and important.

By the way it was no a personal attack It is my way of redacting. I had similar way to get feedback to everyone and mostly more authors appreciate it. But donā€™t worry I will stop.

The obvious alternative is her father, who is said inventorā€™s patron, though he is not exactly a pleasant person to be around, but then again that would be the trade-off.

She has a friendship path, it just doesnā€™t get you close to the inventor or the gun.

Still whatever the case the observer path remains my favourite path by far, gatling or no gatling.