[WiP] The Exile (Updated 04/13/2021)

flustering Vethna is my only goal now.

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I gotta say, this is actually good. Better than I expected, to be honest.

Found this:

“How the hell did you let #{gen2} get the jump on you?”

Aaand another one:

“Coffee?” They offer, voice gruff still.

Should be he.

Love the game so far.
The bit where you can pick a favourite colour, the black and white bits are mixed up, white is the absence of colour and black is all colour.

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I love searching for grammar mistakes:

Vethna gives them a repulsed look. “You can’t just save coffee. It doesn’t taste as good.”

Should be him.

Like others have said, this game has a similar feel to “I, the Forgotten One” and I am here for it. Love me some incredibly powerful MCs. I normally don’t enjoy different POVs but it was well done, so kudos! Thank you for labeling the flirt options, btw. Looking forward to the next update!

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@Geegee fixed it! You’d think I’d remember basic color theory from high school but apparently not lol

@Classic_Snake I’m glad you like finding them because I love fixing them! All the ones you mentioned should be fixed :).

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typo!


taut, not taught ^^

i’ll look for more when i have free time :slight_smile:

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Should be fixed now! Thanks :).

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it was over so fast i am going to cry this is so so good i am in love with every single thing your writing is so fucking beautiful and the plot the choices and the characters are all amazing i really cannot wait to meet the other characters too

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:sob::sob: Nooo!!! It ended right when I was getting into it. Really fun game can’t wait for more

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The Deathless Demon now that is a very cool Title to have.

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Hi!
I was playing through the story a couple times to get the achievements and see all the options I could take! I found an error during one of my playthroughs:

In the inn I made the choices to put the ward on the door, taunted the gorgon, and ‘are we about to kiss right now?’. It takes me to the paragraph where the player character and Vethna jump out the window and the gorgon is looking to follow them. I pick the choice to run from the gorgons and it takes me to the paragraph where the player character tackles Nikke through the window and the both land in the water.

Hello! I know there’s a couple continuity errors in that sequence that should be fixed in the next update, so I’ll make sure to write that one down. Thank you!

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This is a very intriguing story, not to mention the work out into it - the morbid humour of the broken Commander or the sorry state of a bloke, broken by war and living by the principle of duty - it’s pretty clear to see that I like tragic stories, and this one for certain has caught my eye! Seeing Nikke listed as a potential RO will be very interesting, depending on how much resent and spite he holds for the MC, overall you’ve got me hooked and looking forward to more!

Awesome work! :smiley:

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Definitely bookmark it✔️
I like story with not only main character perspective and how others or specifically RO saw me in their eyes. It’s satisfying.

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Another great WIP here! Very intense and I got attached to the characters extremely fast.
Also, gorgons make me happy… Ahem.

Still, I found a fair amount of typos and a coding issue… everything in one single scene, actually!
It’s in Nikke’s POV part, at the end of the current demo:

  • “If you’re trying to intimidate me you’re a day late and a dollar short,” - it’s a bit strange to use the word “dollar” in that fantasy world, don’t you think?
  • “Nikki says” - typo with the “i” instead of an “e” in his name.
  • “You didn’t have $[gen2} slobbering all over you while threatening to eat you alive.” - some coding issue. My MC is a wolf and threatened without hurting (if that info is needed).
  • “And, just like that, she’s gone and out the window, leaving Nikki alone in the quiet of the room.” - the “i” again, in the name.
  • “There had been tears, Nikki knows that now, in The Commander’s eyes as he did as told.” - still the same issue with the “i”.

It seems his name hates you :laughing:

Other than that, it was great. I didn’t get the feeling of pacing issues or anything, but I think it’s a bit too early to really be able to tell. Sometimes I need more content to be able to determine stuff like that.

Great job! I’m eager for more!
Still, I’m lucky since the two ROs I’m interested in are the ones that already appeared. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I strongly feel I must express my gratitude for the existence of this scene.

It’s not often I see the only right opinion when it comes to my own preferences. Seriously–thank you for the uplifting chuckle! :blush:

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Interesting so far. I think I shall keep an eye on this. :relaxed:

Sounds so good