# \[WIP\]The Awakening **URL:** \ **Category:** Works In Progress\ **Tags:** nonbinary-inclusive, gender-choice, high-fantasy\ **Created:** [February 11, 2020, 1:31pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749 "2020-02-11T13:31:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Vic\_Norman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/vic_norman/32/110589_2.png) [@Vic\_Norman](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Vic_Norman)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 1:31pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/1 "2020-02-11T13:31:24Z")
Hi, Vic here! This is an idea that has been in my head for a while, and I thought why not just write it out. So… here it goes? This new game is called _The Awakening_. In it, you play as a citizen of Pivalon, trying to save the world before it descends into chaos. More details below: > **Introduction** > > The world has been at peace for many years since the Dark Ones were banished. The gods have returned to the land of Drecath once more, and many races flourishes under their blessings. However, it is inevitable that tensions between races grow as each of them vies for power. For now, humans, elves and avians are the strongest of all, and they set up a council to maintain the delicate balance. It will be held in the great city of Pivalon whenever there is a major dispute. As a citizen of Pivalon, you find yourself caught in the centre of the storm. > > In this game you’ll be able to: > > - Play as a human, an elf, or an avian. > - Uncover the secrets behind the last Great War when the Dark Ones were banished. > - Decide the fate of Drecath, including its inhabitants, and even the gods governing it. > - Romance any of your companions. > **RO** > > **Retharnor** > > A mysterious warrior who possesses unnatural strength. He seldom takes off his helmet, and even when he does so, he usually covers his face with a hood or a mask. You know almost nothing of his past, other than that he was once the squire of the famous White Knight. > > **Princess Meiri** > > It is said that she is the last descendent of the Zensado bloodline. Zensado was once a great avian empire located at the High Mountain, north of Drecath, but after the last ruler was cursed by a jealous witch lover, the kingdom fell into chaos. Not many years after it was gone, the mountains there were enveloped by poisonous gas and the avians had to leave. A prophecy says that only a true descendent of the Zensado throne could restore the place, and then the empire shall rise again. > > **Earvan of Eastdell** > > He is an elf born in Eastdell, the end point of most migrations of elven tribes. It is rumoured that the place has only one season – spring, and the trees there have such robust growth that they can be as large as a human city. Spending most of his time studying to be the venerated tree-whisperer, Earvan leads a primarily sheltered life until he is summoned to Pivalon by his Elder. > > **Imilan** > > You only ever meet them in dreams. Sometimes, you do not even know if they are a friend or a foe – even their name sounds fake. Perhaps it is wise to stay away. > > **Avery Braxton** > > She is the mayor soon-to-be of Pivalon, and if she does become one, she would be the youngest in history. Raised in a well-respected family, Avery appears to be the perfect lady of the upper circle. Privately, she has a rather rebellious streak, but not everyone gets a glimpse of that secret side. > **Warnings** > > -Violence, mentions of blood > -Possibly abuse > -Warnings will be updated > **Progress** > > 11/2-Currently only the prologue is done, and I plan on updating every 2 weeks… or so, depending on my work. Any feedback is welcome! (Bugs, spellings, grammar, expressions, the plot etc…) To play the demo, go here: [Demo](https://dashingdon.com/go/5258) ---
**Author:** ![zeeshan\_rashid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/zeeshan_rashid/32/87170_2.png) [@zeeshan\_rashid](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/zeeshan_rashid)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 4:29pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/2 "2020-02-11T16:29:28Z")
The story is very interesting . I really like it. Can’t wait for more. ---
**Author:** ![Harley\_Robin\_Evans](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/harley_robin_evans/32/86044_2.png) [@Harley\_Robin\_Evans](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Harley_Robin_Evans)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 4:44pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/3 "2020-02-11T16:44:34Z")
I like it so cool do wish we was related to a dark ones just to think the shock of all the characters ---
**Author:** ![sennadosia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/sennadosia/32/110220_2.png) [@sennadosia](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/sennadosia)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 5:19pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/4 "2020-02-11T17:19:43Z")
Very interesting! Can’t wait to see what you write next! While reading, I did find a few grammatical/spelling errors. Also, I would make sure to separate some of your paragraphs so the reader doesn’t feel overwhelmed. And if I’m remembering this correctly, I think a new paragraph should be started when someone new speaks (if I’m wrong, please correct me lol). EX: “Earvan?” You ask, and the name has a strange taste of familiarity on your tongue. He snaps to attention and gives you a slightly apologetic look. “May the Mother guide us.” ---
**Author:** ![Freja](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/freja/32/110753_2.png) [@Freja](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Freja)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 5:43pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/5 "2020-02-11T17:43:48Z")
It’s really interesting what you’ve got so far, also: > [@Vic\_Norman](#): > > **Imilan** > > You only ever meet them in dreams. Sometimes, you do not even know if they are a friend or a foe – even their name sounds fake. Perhaps it is wise to stay away. I just want to follow that path just because I’ve problems with text telling me what I should do. 😂(Calle it authority issues) ---
**Author:** ![Icoe\_Igweze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/icoe_igweze/32/110617_2.png) [@Icoe\_Igweze](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Icoe_Igweze)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 8:14pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/6 "2020-02-11T20:14:01Z")
I love it! Can’t wait for more. I like the concept of the story and the structure to which it’s introduced. It’s very insightful and thrill driving. I honestly can not wait patiently for this book to be out. I also agree with the comments others had made concerning the paragraph spacing and grammer errs which everyone make, except these stated, you are fine. Good luck and can’t wait to see what talents(skills and creative interactions) you potray to your audience. ---
**Author:** ![CorvusWitchcraft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/corvuswitchcraft/32/91719_2.png) [@CorvusWitchcraft](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/CorvusWitchcraft)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 10:15pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/7 "2020-02-11T22:15:45Z")
Interested to see more. Couple things, though: 1. Even after picking the avian option, I’m still unclear on what an avian actually _is_. Do they actually have birdlike characteristics or are they just people with wings? And if the latter, what advantages do humans have that they don’t? Everyone knows what an elf is, but since avians seem to be a big thing that sets your world apart from the typical fantasy world, it’s worth taking the time to flesh that element out. 2. In addition to what others have mentioned, there are a number of places where you’re missing a space after a sentence. This seems to be especially prevalent right after a quote and/or at the beginning of paragraphs. > **Some examples of the latter** > > ![space1](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/original/3X/8/d/8d261a7aef03ae62aecab1b8fff2ca4bc84bbcdd.png) > > ![space2](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/original/3X/3/8/3899f01115b92c90d06153e276d4c63399bca593.png) > > ![space3](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/original/3X/b/2/b2226b03518de5e80d4e00e42762fa6c2a88c8a9.png) > > ![space4](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/original/3X/5/c/5c28a3f3d6543f4e2344f93747ad62d33423eab6.png) > > ![space5](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/original/3X/9/7/97b1a63b4a64b99d99c38eeaf19f19eb0ba7e02c.png) > > ![space6](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/original/3X/0/4/04ba8d365332e9f2caba2add3cfedec83d47258c.png) ---
**Author:** ![IvoryOwl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/ivoryowl/32/259286_2.png) [@IvoryOwl](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/IvoryOwl)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2020, 7:09am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/8 "2020-02-12T07:09:02Z")
> [@Vic\_Norman](#): > > **Retharnor** > > A mysterious warrior who possesses unnatural strength. He seldom takes off his helmet, and even when he does so, he usually covers his face with a hood or a mask. My first impression: [![](https://iruntheinternet.com/lulzdump/images/bruce-campbell-mask-pulled-off-another-mask-underneath-1455537705v.gif?id=) ](https://iruntheinternet.com/lulzdump/images/bruce-campbell-mask-pulled-off-another-mask-underneath-1455537705v.gif?id=) ---
**Author:** ![Vic\_Norman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/vic_norman/32/110589_2.png) [@Vic\_Norman](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Vic_Norman)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2020, 10:31am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/9 "2020-02-12T10:31:53Z")
Well, technically, there will be something like that in the future… XD ---
**Author:** ![Vic\_Norman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/vic_norman/32/110589_2.png) [@Vic\_Norman](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Vic_Norman)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2020, 10:33am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/10 "2020-02-12T10:33:34Z")
Ah thanks! I’ll read through the next few days and try to correct those. ---
**Author:** ![Vic\_Norman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/vic_norman/32/110589_2.png) [@Vic\_Norman](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Vic_Norman)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2020, 10:34am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/11 "2020-02-12T10:34:52Z")
Well, all I have to say is, you have been warned! ---
**Author:** ![Vic\_Norman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/vic_norman/32/110589_2.png) [@Vic\_Norman](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Vic_Norman)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2020, 10:40am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/12 "2020-02-12T10:40:30Z")
I see, I’ll try to include that. My problem is that I’m not sure where to put the full introduction. If I put it right after choosing avian as the race, then only those people who choose would know. Another option is to introduce them after the Princess’ first appearance… which can be quite late in the game. So, uh, I’m still thinking. But yes, thank you for your suggestion and I’ll add more details about them. As for the second point, yup, I’ll correct them:) Thanks for pointing out! ---
**Author:** ![Vic\_Norman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/vic_norman/32/110589_2.png) [@Vic\_Norman](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Vic_Norman)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2020, 10:41am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/13 "2020-02-12T10:41:40Z")
Oh gosh i am laughing so hard Now I can’t get it out of my head whenever I write him 😂 ---
**Author:** ![CorvusWitchcraft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/corvuswitchcraft/32/91719_2.png) [@CorvusWitchcraft](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/CorvusWitchcraft)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2020, 10:49am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/14 "2020-02-12T10:49:55Z")
Doesn’t the princess appear in the prologue vision? Just a quick visual description of her would go a long way toward fleshing out the race as a whole, even if the full physiological and societal debrief comes a little later for non-avian players. Also, just so you’re aware, it’s generally considered good form to consolidate your replies into a single post. You can use quote-blocks to make it clear which person you’re talking to. ---
**Author:** ![furyleika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/furyleika/32/92019_2.png) [@furyleika](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/furyleika)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2020, 9:48pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/15 "2020-02-12T21:48:03Z")
> [@Vic\_Norman](#): > > Perhaps it is wise to stay away. I haven’t even played the demo yet, but my brain is already like “I WANT THAT ONE!” ---
**Author:** ![rinari](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/rinari/32/86277_2.png) [@rinari](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/rinari)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2020, 10:02pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/16 "2020-02-12T22:02:55Z")
@Vic_Norman Just as an FYI, you can reply to multiple people in one post by highlighting whatever you’re replying to and clicking “Quote”. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![zeeshan\_rashid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/zeeshan_rashid/32/87170_2.png) [@zeeshan\_rashid](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/zeeshan_rashid)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2020, 6:12am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/17 "2020-02-13T06:12:57Z")
Yeah it would be cool but will make it hard for MC ---
**Author:** ![dkdladmsdoslap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/dkdladmsdoslap/32/107702_2.png) [@dkdladmsdoslap](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/dkdladmsdoslap)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2020, 2:28pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/18 "2020-02-13T14:28:21Z")
When I first read about Retharnor, I immediately think of Goblin Slayer lmao But the plot is kinda different and he’s romanceable so it’s interesting… ---
**Author:** ![Vic\_Norman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/vic_norman/32/110589_2.png) [@Vic\_Norman](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Vic_Norman)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2020, 2:27pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/19 "2020-03-04T14:27:17Z")
> Doesn’t the princess appear in the prologue vision? Just a quick visual description of her would go a long way toward fleshing out the race as a whole, even if the full physiological and societal debrief comes a little later for non-avian players. Ah thanks! I included it as you suggested, and made a new option to introduce all the races too 🙂 > Also, just so you’re aware, it’s generally considered good form to consolidate your replies into a single post. You can use quote-blocks to make it clear which person you’re talking to. @rinari @CorvusWitchcraft Thanks for the tips of consolidation haha > I haven’t even played the demo yet, but my brain is already like “I WANT THAT ONE!” Huh, I got the feeling that they will be the most popular RO… still, be warned XD > When I first read about Retharnor, I immediately think of Goblin Slayer lmao > But the plot is kinda different and he’s romanceable so it’s interesting… Thanks! 😃 * * * And there’s a small update today. Sorry it’s pretty late because there is a lot of work recently. Hope I can update more regularly in the future :3 ---
**Author:** ![Vic\_Norman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/vic_norman/32/110589_2.png) [@Vic\_Norman](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Vic_Norman)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 1:48pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749/20 "2020-03-07T13:48:47Z")
Right, finished updating Chap1. For some reason i can’t edit my post though… [Next page](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-the-awakening/73749.md?page=2)