WIP - That Which Lurks: In the Darkness (Rehaul)

The MC’s parents died long before the events that transpire in chapter one, during the incident refereed to as “Slaughter at Sunrise”

The victims here are Mr. and Mrs. Santos, I’m sorry if there is any confusion, I will fix it accordingly :smiley:

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That was my mistake. I remember in the earlier versions of the demo when your parents murder was the first thing you read. Given the similarities (obviously) I confused the two.

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No worries, my fault :slight_smile: I have been constantly changing the prologue and chapter one pretty often so I can understand how it can be confusing.

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Still, my question remains. Were the parents in any position of prominence, or were they just Joe and Jane Shmoe?

The MCs parents were pretty normal I guess, not so much upper class but not lower class either.

There is also a little more to this but that is on the verge of spoiler territory :stuck_out_tongue: but if it makes you feel better you will find out more about the MCs origins through out the series :smiley:

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Also some of the dialogue options, the ones involving staring specifically, come off a bit rude rather than intimidating or stoic. The outcome was not quite what I anticipated. For instance, there was a scene where you’re talking with one of the patrol officers when your partner walks up to you saying they were looking for you (or something). One of the options was to stare at them, but the outcome had you practically yelling at them. The characters were about as suprised as I was.

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Thank your for the feed back! This is exactly the kind of things I am looking for! I will take a look at it again! I know when I reread it myself, i thought the options in reacting seemed limited, so I added an additional, but now knowing what you have said makes me extremely grateful!

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Minor status update: I posted this on Tumblr and forgot to post it here (facepalms) but chapter one is somewhat done, all the writing and coding is done however I am switching a few scenes around. Added new options to exaisting choices and revised some options due to feed back. Currently Chapter one stands at a little over 11k. I will be posting the updated demo soon (hopefully by the end of the weekend).

As always thank you so much for your patience and feed back, you guys are truly amazing and I love each and every one of you♥️

That being said there is current a needy cat in search of warmth’s who is now draining away my motivation. There should be a story about a cat that drains humans of motivation to fuel their cuteness :sob::sob: I cat re-hiss, its fur-tile


Hey Caspie! So I am still currently viewing the Wip out but I encountered these stuff:

Forgot the spacing

You forgot to add my jacket (note my MC is wearing the nylon jacket option)


It’s a repeat of the same thing apparently.

Umm what’s with the surname? Probably a coding error from what I saw

Looks like the name is Harris rather than harper? (Forgive me if I was wrong about this :sweat_smile:)

A nearby what?

For this, I picked the third option which was the mother fu-choice when talking to Bastian or Sebastian. Looks like the option to talk to him is back after the third choice and it leads to this pic, which is the exact same thing all over again.

So far, the writing is ideal for general readers as its easy to understand (some stories are kinda vague or they use words that look like they came from another language.), it’s also quite or somewhat lacking in terms of customisation so far but it’s still a wip so I’m not here to judge, I do think so because we still dont get to pick our hair colour, accessories used, etc. I do feel like that our customisation options are to be placed when our MC wakes up rather than when we go to the scene, though it may be a bit cliche. That’s all I can say for now (PS I’m not an expert in this kind of stuff so I may be wrong. Also if I sounded rude, then sorry for that :sweat_smile: )


I appreciate all the catch!! Thanks I will look into fixing it right away!


allow me this joke…lol…

Godly (Six foot three and above).

me: :sob: forever bitter cose : Below Average (Five foot four and below)

could use an ‘I’m ok with a smile’’ answer here , since our choice is limited to shy timid…and 2 renegade interrupt .

“You’re one of the nicest people I know

Fumble a response

Glare at her.

Smirking, that’s sad.

“There is nothing to worry about.” I give her a stern look. “If this is about the case, I am more then capable of keeping my personal reservations to myself.” personal reservation ? that sound weird . no? what do you exactly mean? cose I understood like they are afraid you get bad flashback and panick or freak out . So I dunno , how about ‘‘I can keep my head in the case , or my head cool , or I can do my job’’ instead ?

again strange .

“You go on ahead Madilyn.” Beth calls over from behind me. "I’m going to call Kyleigh and give them an update.

why she go and give an update to her sibling ? in a middle of a crime scene ? they just got there . The only thing your teamate should do…is get you donut and coffee and proceed to the gory area . Not call family . Since investigation are classified to civilians .

“Oh, but I must apologize for my manners.” Mordecai turns towards Officer Daniels and I, holding out her hand “My name is Doctor Mordecai Parker, you must be Agent Madilyn Solis, Beth has spoken so fondly about.

highly about.” broken…wording? lol

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Along of the lines where the Bureau knows of the MCs past, but due to the necessity of catching the culprit, they are trusting them to keep an open mind and not let personal feelings get in the way of judgement.

It is still a professional environment, any slip up that would cause the culprit to escape due to tampering of evidence in any kind is not taken lightly. So they will pull the MC off the case if needed.

I’ll specify they more in the book, Kyleigh also works for the Bureau, more specifically the Intellegence Branch. Monti is pretty much checking in with the agency to let them know that they have arrived at the crime scene.

you know…you could just edit your post :stuck_out_tongue: also when you reply to many and avoid being flagged as spam . You can go @someonename here . :wink:

found: “The names Solis, Madilyn {surname}.” I give her a growing smile biting back the laughter that grows deep within my chest.

found:“It is very nice to meet your acquaintance Ms Solis.” Mordecai gently grasps my hand smiling brightly as the joke flies over his head. (Its meet you or make your aquintance , you can’t have both :sweat_smile: kidding with ya!)

found: Beth coughs awkwardly, hiding her amusement, before slinging fher arms around the both of us “The more the merrier! Let’s go find ourselves a sheriff, yeah?”

found: “That there is the issue Agent.” Harper snaps before talk a long calming breathe “Daniels, be a doll and save Jenkins from them microphoned sharks please.”

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Haha sorry! I’ll get better with this thing, I swear! :joy::rofl:

Replying on a phone is hard dang it! :joy::joy: exp when your trying to quote something when it’s hidden!! Grrrr :rofl:

but remember last night magical (with sparkles) talk about the ingeniuty of typing on a phoneeeee…and how good you were at it…:rofl: just teasing XD

found: Beth laughs, don’t lose that humor Madilyn it is one of the best things about you. A small chuckle escapes her lips as she shoot me a small smile. (’’ ‘’ Missing to point dialogue beginning and end)

:joy::rofl: omg don’t ahaha