WIP - That Which Lurks: In the Darkness (Rehaul)

Thank you I’ll fix that

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Thank you! I will look into that :slight_smile:

Can I also how old the ROs are?

Of course!

Pearson is in their mid 30s
Montgomery is their early to mid 20s
Dr. Parker is in mid 20s
Jordan is also in their mid 20s

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Will there be height options for the MC?

Yup!

I will be adding that to the game as well!

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Ok cool! :slight_smile:

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For every option about which aspect of the work you like, it gives me an error…

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That is so odd! I will be looking into it! Thank you so much for the heads up :slight_smile:

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Have to say I do like the new demo, though I do wish the prologue was a bit more clear with where your mc is. Sense right now there is no perception of the room and where you are in relation to everything.

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Thanks for the input! I’ll take a look at the intro again =D

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@Caspiera A lot of the pronouns throughout the game are inconsistant, most of them being ‘they’. Also the first interaction with the sheriff is a little weird. It is a conversation between two people but it refers to them both as ‘the woman’. It might be better to name her then, or you could give a more detailed description and refer to her by her characteristics.

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Feedback
  • The opening scene was confusing, especially the pov.
    I feel usure what the point of it is?

"I’m going to call Kyleigh and give him an update.

  • Kyleigh was genderneutral untill this point.

*choice
“That is my fault, how?” I give him a stern look

    "I-it isn't," ${monti_nickname} fumbles. "I was just worried about you is all."
    *if monti_romance > 5
            ${monti_nickname} remark makes me purse my lips, a warm feeling budding deep within my chest. I shake my head vigorously burying the emotion deep within my stubbornness. Folding my arms, I quickly look away, refusing to meet ${monti_her} gaze.     
            *goto monti_meets_aliII

*if genuine < 60
“Well, here I am.” a small smirk tugging on my lips

    "I see that, and with such beautiful company!" ${monti_nickname} gives Officer Daniels a wink.
    *if monti_romance > 5
            A pang of jealousy worms it's way into my chest,                "Officer Daniels is attractive too," I jest, hiding the sudden sensation behind a forced smile.         
            *goto monti_meets_aliII

*if shy > 60
“S-sorry Agent Montgomery,” I squeak while I fidget with my hands ${monti_nickname} just laughs

    "It is no big deal ${name}, I'm just glad I found you before you went inside." ${monti_nickname} beams at me. 
    *if monti_romance > 5
            "Me too." the words coming out faster then I can stop it. ${monti_nickname}s eyes grow wide, a trace of a blush beginning to form on the tip of ${monti_her} ears. "I-I mean that in a strictly professional way of c-course!" 
    
            [i]Shut up ${name}, just shut your mouth.[/i]
            
            Refusing the urge to facepalm, I shift slightly away, looking anywhere else then at ${monti_nickname}.          
            *goto monti_meets_aliII
  • This choice doesn’t have any options. Needs #. Maybe make genuine and shy choices *selectable_if so they are always visible? They also need an actual choice text.

  • You might want to change your gendertag variables to neutral, as both the male and female ones have a repeating one, and it’s not the same. Like this:

They - He - She
Them - Him - Her
Their - His - Her
Theirs - His - Hers

  • The scene also doesn’t end with *finish or *ending, which would result in endless loading when the reader reached that point.
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image

Thank you everyone for your input!! It means so much to me >=] gonna be busy tonight incorporating changes!

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There are bugs in the four options :beetle:

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Thank you for the catch! I’m working on that now :slight_smile:

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Thanks for spotting this! I’ll fix it right now :slight_smile:

A little bug here in this choice. The other options work fine :wink:

bug

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