WIP - That Which Lurks: In the Darkness (Poll on #84)

adult-fiction
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice

#43

Thank you I’ll fix that


#44


#45

Thank you! I will look into that :slight_smile:


#46

Can I also how old the ROs are?


#47

Of course!

Pearson is in their mid 30s
Montgomery is their early to mid 20s
Dr. Parker is in mid 20s
Jordan is also in their mid 20s


#48

Will there be height options for the MC?


#49

Yup!

I will be adding that to the game as well!


#50

Ok cool! :slight_smile:


#51

For every option about which aspect of the work you like, it gives me an error…


#52

That is so odd! I will be looking into it! Thank you so much for the heads up :slight_smile:


#53

Have to say I do like the new demo, though I do wish the prologue was a bit more clear with where your mc is. Sense right now there is no perception of the room and where you are in relation to everything.


#54

Thanks for the input! I’ll take a look at the intro again =D


#55

@Caspiera A lot of the pronouns throughout the game are inconsistant, most of them being ‘they’. Also the first interaction with the sheriff is a little weird. It is a conversation between two people but it refers to them both as ‘the woman’. It might be better to name her then, or you could give a more detailed description and refer to her by her characteristics.


#57
Feedback
  • The opening scene was confusing, especially the pov.
    I feel usure what the point of it is?

"I’m going to call Kyleigh and give him an update.

  • Kyleigh was genderneutral untill this point.

*choice
“That is my fault, how?” I give him a stern look

    "I-it isn't," ${monti_nickname} fumbles. "I was just worried about you is all."
    *if monti_romance > 5
            ${monti_nickname} remark makes me purse my lips, a warm feeling budding deep within my chest. I shake my head vigorously burying the emotion deep within my stubbornness. Folding my arms, I quickly look away, refusing to meet ${monti_her} gaze.     
            *goto monti_meets_aliII

*if genuine < 60
“Well, here I am.” a small smirk tugging on my lips

    "I see that, and with such beautiful company!" ${monti_nickname} gives Officer Daniels a wink.
    *if monti_romance > 5
            A pang of jealousy worms it's way into my chest,                "Officer Daniels is attractive too," I jest, hiding the sudden sensation behind a forced smile.         
            *goto monti_meets_aliII

*if shy > 60
“S-sorry Agent Montgomery,” I squeak while I fidget with my hands ${monti_nickname} just laughs

    "It is no big deal ${name}, I'm just glad I found you before you went inside." ${monti_nickname} beams at me. 
    *if monti_romance > 5
            "Me too." the words coming out faster then I can stop it. ${monti_nickname}s eyes grow wide, a trace of a blush beginning to form on the tip of ${monti_her} ears. "I-I mean that in a strictly professional way of c-course!" 
    
            [i]Shut up ${name}, just shut your mouth.[/i]
            
            Refusing the urge to facepalm, I shift slightly away, looking anywhere else then at ${monti_nickname}.          
            *goto monti_meets_aliII
  • This choice doesn’t have any options. Needs #. Maybe make genuine and shy choices *selectable_if so they are always visible? They also need an actual choice text.

  • You might want to change your gendertag variables to neutral, as both the male and female ones have a repeating one, and it’s not the same. Like this:

They - He - She
Them - Him - Her
Their - His - Her
Theirs - His - Hers

  • The scene also doesn’t end with *finish or *ending, which would result in endless loading when the reader reached that point.

#58

image

Thank you everyone for your input!! It means so much to me >=] gonna be busy tonight incorporating changes!


#59


#60

There are bugs in the four options :beetle:


#61

Thank you for the catch! I’m working on that now :slight_smile:


#62

Thanks for spotting this! I’ll fix it right now :slight_smile:


#63

A little bug here in this choice. The other options work fine :wink:

bug