Heya. So, this is my second WIP sort of a side project with no relation to my other WIP ‘Era of the Archdemons’
This is inspired by the film series Alien, predator & Species. It’s also inspired by the SCP Foundation.
Updates
Update 1 (4/21/24): The stats are officially labeled; Chapter 1 has started up to near the conclusion of the facility. The purpose of your character is somewhat known. I say somewhat because it’s more like a base instinct than intentions.
Update 2 (4/23/24): First chapter & character introduction is complete. NOW the game actually begins.
Update 3 (4/29/24): 5 chapters, 4 cell plants, 4 specialborns & chapters renamed as encounters. As I said, a short WIP. Unless I didnt say that then im saying it now.
Now, this is definitely something I have to follow and see where it goes. I didn’t expect to see something as unique as this. You managed to give me a sense of fear after the alien brainwashed the scientists and made them kill themselves, and you made me laugh when the scientist said the liquid was sperm I was literally expecting anything but sperm. Just to give context, I haven’t seen the Alien & Species movie, or I might have seen it but don’t remember. So, this is completely new to me. Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t a bad experience, on the contrary, I’m curious to see more.
The “eventually” in the quarantine scene really bothers me. A defined measurement of time could help here, though I understand why you didn’t want to use one. It just feels as if the scientists are barely taking any precautions at all, the way it’s stated currently. “Eventually” could be as much as a year or as little as an hour. One of those would be a very effective quarantine period, the other would be entirely insufficient. Even for something as well-known and “harmless” as chicken pox, a quarantine period is around 10 to 21 days. Also, did they just sit there? No one did any blood draws, or had a temperature taken? Nothing? And why were none of them, alien included, being taped or otherwise monitored? There should have been cameras on them from several angles (particularly in a government facility.) Is it before something like that would have been common/possible? If so, we need to know the year, so we’re not drawn out of the story.
It would also help to define the sex/gender of the scientists earlier. As it is, we have three affected scientists who we know are male, and two unaffected scientists who we simply have to infer are female until a bit later in the story. Those two being undefined is a little bit of a hinderance. Pierce we can easily assume is female, Moore may have simply been out of targeting range, it is unclear. And then there’s Dr.Kira? Is that Moore? Or Pierce? If everyone else is referred to by their last name, that needs to be consistent. As it is, it brings up the question of who is this “other” scientist, which again, drags the reader out of the story. If you’re going to use the scientists first names at all, their initial mentions need to include them. So first mentions would be something like “Dr.Joseph Harrow/Dr.Laura Pierce/Dr.William Chen/Dr.Kira Moore.” That gives us the necessary information to know who the people you’re referring to are, and doesn’t leave the readers wondering who all these extra people running around in the lab are and where they’ve come from.
At the end…who is Kriss? I realised later in the passage that it was Kira, but for a bit there, I was wondering if there was a child in the house and how the alien would interact with or to an immature “specimen.” What you have is interesting, but it needs to be cleaned up a bit. It’ll be easier to do this sooner than later, when you’re 50,000 words in.
This W.I.P definitely has me hooked. I don’t usually gravitate towards horror, but now I really want to know more about the alien we’re playing as.
Where did we come from? What’s the truth behind our strange reproductive method? What’s our ultimate goal? How does the Man vs. Woman metric in the stats screen affect us?
Are our first-born, second-born, and third-born more intelligent and evolved than all the other clones? Can we treat them with affection, like they’re our favorite kids or something? Can we even feel affection, or any other emotion?
I was literally expecting anything but sperm
got it