(WIP) Shattered : update - chapter 2 added (27/12/2022)

bl00dragon · October 1, 2018, 5:58pm

Post in building, more informations to be added.

Hello there, welcome to the alpha thread for the demo of Shattered.

This is a very early build, so if you intend to read it, remember that everything you see could easily be changed in a later build. That is why I encourage you to voice your thoughts on the writing, the characters, the scenario, every single thing. Since it’s such an early build, your feedback is only more important.

Potential spoilers (or not yet):

What’s Shattered? :
In Shattered, you play as an amnesic elven sorcerer, found on the verge of death by the people of a nearby village and saved even when you were within an inch of your life. You will rediscover your past, and along with it the dark powers that inhabit you.

This story happens 300 years before my other game The Wight King (link at the bottom of the post if you don’t know what it is).

Demo content: The prologue of the game, which is nearly finished. With 25000 words.

Here is the link of the demo. It’s very unfinished, especially near the end, but I wish you to have a good time nonetheless, and don’t forget to tell me what you thought of it. Any feedback is welcome.

P.S. : Despite the warning, the content in the demo as of now is pretty light, nothing really disturbing.
P.P.S : And there are no real stats yet, so the stat screen won’t work.

SHATTERED DEMO HERE

By the way, if you liked the demo, you might also like another of my game, it’s over there:

Logan3000x · October 1, 2018, 6:02pm

I am loving the dark vibe and our interaction with Loran.

is loran’s arm getting worse because we tried to heal her before?

bl00dragon · October 1, 2018, 6:04pm

Black magic is not something to use lightly. The risks are great and there are many things that could go wrong. This will be explained better in the next update.

kingzug · October 1, 2018, 6:22pm

For some reason when I chose the option to “Snap at Loren” after the first fight for some reason she mentioned my character hitting her but that didn’t happen I don’t think at least

bl00dragon · October 1, 2018, 6:23pm

I messed my labels up probably. Gonna fix that.

bl00dragon · October 1, 2018, 6:51pm

Updated to fix most of the typos that were brought to my attention.

Checkmate · October 1, 2018, 9:36pm

I really enjoyed what you have so far. I will definitely be watching this thread.

bruisedsoldier · October 1, 2018, 9:43pm

The writing style is so so unique and gives the story a dark vibe, I really love. The characters you’ve already added are very likeable and I love how the mc is so powerful and confident. You definitely caught my interest and I’m excited to see how it will evolve in the future!

JordanQuimby · October 1, 2018, 9:59pm

You might want to say that it is set a few hundred years before the Wight King (in case someone never read the Wight King thread and doesn’t know it is in the same universe.)

JordanQuimby · October 1, 2018, 10:00pm

Also it would be very cool to have some sort of map.

Numex · October 1, 2018, 10:49pm

Wow just wow, this is amazing I love the story, the setting it’s perfect. I can’t wait for another update, it’s amazing like I said, and I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on this game

jmar · October 2, 2018, 12:30am

i have soo many questions/comment but i shall wait until the next update

Carson_Lindsey · October 2, 2018, 1:28am

same

Dark_Stalker · October 2, 2018, 1:45am

Summary

I was dying. From the heinous pain into my chest. From the cracks of my every bone. From the cold creeping inside. I would die here… alone. And I… couldn’t even remember why. As my blurred gaze travelled downward, the grievous extent of my wounds was plain to see. A gaping gash into my chest, tainting the snow red. And dozens more, cuts beyond count, most of my bones cracked or broken
- traveled

Ah yes soft skin.

No option to be mindful of the fact that Loran’s dad is right there? I’m not suicidal.

Then, the man named Orion wasted no time getting his hands all over me. Seeming to examine every last bone in my body, carefully avoiding the places in which my bandages were caked with dry blood. And his gaze grew more and more interested. While I didn’t care all that much about a healer touching me, I preferred to stop things before they grew further, in case his hands grew more adventurous, I wasn’t keen on trusting an stranger’s professionalism. “o, will you tell me anything? Or are you too busy with your groping to indulge me?”
- Oh
“As I said, we’re relatively safe, there’s nothing too dangerous around. Not unless you go too far into the forest. And since there are mines around we’re sometimes visited by Meidian patrols. This isn’t a big village, we live mostly of hunting and farming.”
- off
Being dependent from humans… it felt strange. I didn’t like it.
- I think when you’re dependent from something, you’re physically hanging off of it as opposed to on.
They saved me… I owed them my life… I was in debts to those weak humans. And debts must be repaid.
Sounds a little weird to me, I mostly hear people says debts when it’s different organizations but it’s a small family here.
Furnitures, a wall-mounted bear head, a pelt on the ground used as a rug, the chimney burning its last dying embers, and as I was about to give up, I saw on a small table not far from the bed, something that caught my interest.
- Furniture
"PATHETIC!" I smashed my fist onto the wood with all my meagre strength, drawing shallow breaths as I felt blood pearl through the bandages of my hand.
- meager
I gently held her hand away with mine.
- pushed? Held sounds a bit weird.
“Let use discuss about your amnesia. I kept what little belongings you had. Thought that it could trigger some of your forgotten memories.” He said as he pulled out a large wooden chest from under the bed. “I must say they were not what you would expect to find on a lost traveller.”
- traveler

I mean my name does mean elf ruler, so of course I’m going to use it.

I opened my eyes and with this meagre source, I held my palm up channelling my power to make the slightest of flame. Sweat beaded onto my forehead, a twitch spread into my muscles, but nothing else as I concentrated for a few minutes. But just as I was about to abandon, I did it.
- meager, channeling
As a way to thank my teacher for the art he taught me, I crafted a sword the likes of legend, a beautiful blade made in the style of elven sabres. Of course, I didn’t have access to the rare metals of the elven forgemasters, but I did the best possible weapon out of the steel I had at disposition. From the look in his eyes, I could tell it was the most beautiful weapon he ever saw, he was overjoyed, and promised that he would definitely pay me back for this magnificent gift.
- sabers
At first, I was rather sceptical… Thinking he put me up to this simply because I was an elf… But it seemed he knew better, as he told me he recognized my superior perception and dexterity. And after a few minutes of training on moving targets… birds that is, I was convinced that I could be a great hunter. And the very next day was spent with Loran, and for weeks after, learning her ways. To move and think like a hunter. I had to admit… she was a great hunter. She could track preys from signs I could barely see and her knowledge of the mountains and forests were something I could only hope of ever equalling. When it came to who was the best shot however…
- skeptical, equaling,
We gathered the birds together, before bringing back our sizeable catch to the village in companionable silence. After a year we had grown much more used to each other.
- sizable
This dagger was a medium through which I channelled my magic, my power flowed into the blade and like muscle memory, I remembered my spells. How I would crush these bandits. I held it before me, leaving my power plain to see as of dark crimson and purple surrounded me, waiting to see what the bandits would do. “Sorcery!” One of them screamed.
- channeled
The bowman was taking aim with trembling hands as I called onto shards of my arcane might I reclaimed, and channelled into the simplest spell I could manage.
channeled
To their credit, the two remaining bandits tried to rush me down, to stop me from casting any more. I saluted their bravery, if not their intelligence. I was ready for them, but just as I was about to cast my spell, Loran finally arrived onto the scene. From the corner of my eyes, I saw her form rushing one of the bandits shortsword and hunting knife drawn. Though she did not go for a killing blow. Instead, she kicked one of the two hard enough to make him fall. Putting herself in front of the other. “Enough!” She yellled. “There’s no need for anyone else to die, leave!”
- yelled
But there was no reasoning them. She was in my line of fire, I couldn’t let another bolt loose, it would kill her. The bandit jumped her with axe ready to kill.
- with them
Loran, accursed naive fool. He got away, disappearing among the trees, far out of my range. I contained my anger for now. “Unhand me.” I fixed with har eyes. “Why did you stop me?” I growled.
- hard
I remembered one spell that would heal her. Touch of the Shaper. I felt my power flow through my arm, and into her wound to follow my will. Mend her flesh and make it strong once more. My spell diffused unnatural heat from my hand and into her arm, and eventually travelled through her entire body, healing more than I intended. And as I withdrawn my hand, all that was left instead of a wound was an incredibly clean scar, no more than a bleach-white scar on her tanned skin. As for her, she was healed, but a wobbly mess as well. As for myself, I felt quite tired, my energy still seemed quite limited, surely my reserves would grow with time and practice.
- traveled
“Wow… wow.” She said as she examined her newly healed arm, almost falling forward as she did and barely catching herself. “Wow, I’m feeling a bit… better than I ever felt actually, but in a weird way.” The heat in her body increased significantly from my spell which explained her physical state, but no her euphoria. Is that a side-effect? How strange.
- not
“Most likely. They may have been watching for a few days already. And with the way you handled the situation, we can expect to face an attack in full force in the next few days.” He was so eerily calm, despite the dire situation that it sent chills down my spine. Just how unshakeable was this man? “You both made poor choices.” Ah, here it comes. “We would have more time to prepare if they left without casualties… or not at all. Now we need to plan our defences, what we can save, and what we have to give up on.”
- unshakable, defenses
These notes were methodical, cold-blooded and factual, at least that’s what the writings inspired me. Nothing but facts, hypothesises, results and improvements. No wild dream of what the spell could accomplish, no anger even after repeated failure.
- hypotheses, (darn greeks)
And the world unravelled before me, breaking at the seams, torn apart in my mind’s grasp. Flashes of my dark, crimson reality seeping in, to taint the world red. The threads of this mortal comedy, of this illusion of reality, this preconception of truth came undone and so did I. I, this pitiful lie, no more than a frail mask, warding this shell from the shattering mirror.
- unraveled
A gate opened, a seal shattered, an unfathomable well of power left unshackled and free to overflow. The overwhelming storm raging inside withered all defences, tore down all walls, letting the flow run free, the torrent pulsing in echo to the burning pain drilling into my back, crawling over my arms and legs. Too much I felt the black lines covering my bodies, the arcane designs embedded into my skin burn like so much trails of melted steel.
- defenses
And together we strode out and to the battlefield that spread before us. I pulled my dagger from its sheath letting it ignite with my magic, she pulled her bow off of her shoulder, an arrow ready to be shot, and we ran to the centre of the town, like vengeful hellish hounds.
- I’m told centre is more used for names? So center?
We swiftly reached the town centre, and what we saw there only fueled our fury even more. Five bandits, randomly breaking stuff, taking whatever held any kind of value and keeping the fire spreading, one of them was dragging a screaming woman away from the group.

I walked to her side, and she looked at me with lost, imploring eyes. I drew close to her ears, and I whispered.

Hail Hydra

Also again I’m American. So you should double check anything I do since you’re doing that outdated English thing.

bl00dragon · October 2, 2018, 5:27am

I missed your kilometer-long posts. XD

I’m discovered! Quick! To the Hydramobile!

These hellenic dastards.

Just because it’s closer to french, ye 'murican.

bl00dragon · October 2, 2018, 5:29am

I can’t draw that well though. I could make a schematic map, to show how the world is constructed but not something pretty.

Dark_Stalker · October 2, 2018, 5:35am

Given my character I also considered

Yeah I actually had to look that plural up

But we got guns (well mostly, hear NJ and CA are pretty strict), coffee and fast food.

bl00dragon · October 2, 2018, 5:38am

Dark_Stalker · October 2, 2018, 5:43am

bl00dragon · October 2, 2018, 5:50am

Welp it’s not like legislations here are stopping people from getting assault rifles.

Works for the lusty Shattered