(WIP) [REWRITING] Wake to weep (July 15th 2024) 21k words

Fixed, thank you.

1 Like

Are the ROs all men?

1 Like

Only Rivera. Dr. Nelson is female and the third one is gender-selectable, I think.

1 Like

The mayor? Are they the third one?

1 Like

No, the other RO didn’t appear yet

1 Like

Yes, that’s correct. :slightly_smiling_face:

4 Likes

Since there has been a bit of confusion about the ROS, I added a section in the post. :slightly_smiling_face:

3 Likes

Devlog 6/7/24

Having a sudden creative moment, chapter 1 is already 2k words! I’m hoping to put out an update before my vacation, even if small.

1 Like

The game has been updated, it’s not much but I wanted to add something since I won’t be able to write anything for the next one/two weeks. Let me know of any errors as usual.

11 Likes

Loving it so far, 1 thing when we get the text from the doctor or detective it has “eric” at the start of the text, no idea who Eric is or was it supposed to be the MC’s first name?

1 Like

I forgot a temporary variable(I used it while testing the game) there, in the next update it will be fixed! Thank you for your kind words :heart:

3 Likes

Sorry for the lack of updates, I have been busy. Did a quick bug fix and now I’m gonna start working on chapter 1.

2 Likes

Is there any specific feedback you are looking for? I think maybe a short list of questions or general things you’d like people to keep in mind would be great to have in the OP. I have some time today and tomorrow and am excited to give it a read. :heartpulse:

No, not at all! I liked your WIP post a little while back and kept meaning to actually come back and read it and I honest to god just forgot/the times I would remember I would be like in the grocery store or something. (And I’m sad to say there are a few WIPs on the forum that it’s the same case with: I think “Oh I’m going to read this later bc I’m busy doing X” and then I forget until very inopportune moments.)

1 Like

Aaa thank you for writing a comment, I feel kinda bad now I hope you didn’t feel obligated by my post on the thread :sob:

I used to have that in the OP actually! I needed to see how everyone’s stat screen was looking but I removed it in later updates.

Mostly I need feedback on the writing/story itself since English isn’t my main language, but again do not feel obligated to read it! Thank you so much again. :heart:

2 Likes

Oh I feel that, I used to keep a thousand tabs open with wips but I never actually read them :sob:

1 Like

Hey, I’m still reading, but here is some feedback! Will add more in another reply when I’m finished. Warning! I’m not an English native:

Feedback

walls an almost blinds
Should be and.

carrying an hybrid
like an horror
Should be a.

Monster, yeah because that’s what you are. It’s what everyone says about you, about “people” like you.
A small suggestion, but maybe a choice along the lines of “People shouldn’t call us out for the way we were born” would be a nice addition?

already know my name, but I shall present myself nonetheless in the spirit of composed etiquette!
No closing ".

But, well If i shall be honest
Capital letter misplaced.

hear the mayor next sentence
The mayor’s.

His face has a sort of plastic look to it, the wrinkles stretched so much that you think they might snap at any moment to reveal the muscle underneath.
After this line, maybe an option to sit down simply out of politeness would be fitting?

tear you see?Whatever
tear you see? Whatever

minutes." he scratches
feeling like." he pauses
them." he blows
this one." he sounds more
their reasons." he no longer
about the case." his voice is raspy
Should be H, I think. Could be wrong!

A rain of dust falls from the low hanging ceiling light his arms clashed with.
Maybe I’m stupid, but it took me three times of reading to understand this sentence.

birthday party.The detective
birthday party. The detective

I can assure you of that.
No closing ".

I mean it He seems nice enough

nicer that this puppet

anyone’s sympathy Especially

Warning: skipping any of these rooms will make you miss some important clues, thus making the next choices confusing.
Maybe it should be made clear that “skipping any of these rooms before going up” will make you miss the clues?

The way your body started changing in ways you didn’t understand. Speaking of, how do you feel about it now?
About the trans options: it’s not not clear what the choices entail. Let’s say I’m a trans woman playing this game, and I choose a female character to play. Then, would the choice to be trans make me a trans man? Can I be a trans person who already transitioned? If not, who will even choose the option to be trans after already picking their gender if that means they want to change it?

2 Likes

Thank you so much wow this is exactly what I needed. :pleading_face:

The trans choice was inspired by the cyoa “The bastard of Camelot” where you can choose your gender at first and then decide if your character suffers from gender dysphoria and in chapter 1 there is an option to decide if you want to change your pronouns. However, I do see how it could be confusing from a reader’s perspective…do you think I should remove the option entirely? Or maybe add something that tells the reader about it I don’t really know.

2 Likes

No, I think an option to be trans is nice! Maybe just add an option to be out as a trans person? So, if I’m a trans woman, I can pick something like “I wasn’t always presenting as a woman, but that changed”. Maybe someone else can add their thoughts.

3 Likes

Alright! I will probably rewrite the whole section then and add the options to be out. Crazy that I, a trans person, am struggling to write this part… :sob:

Thank you so so much for your feedback, I really appreciate it :heart:
I will fix the mistakes and then rewrite the trans options!

I added something like it! Thank you.

You’re not stupid, I’m sure it’s just the way I write being too convoluted for its own good. It means that he raised his arms so fast they clashed with the ceiling light and a rain of dust fell on mc and the mayor. :slight_smile:

2 Likes

There should be one, unless it didn’t appear or maybe you mean even more polite?

“Sure, I guess it couldn’t hurt to sit down for a bit.” My legs are sore after having walked all day throughout the city, resting seems ideal right now.

2 Likes