Ick. No I mean ICK! An enjoyable sort of ICK!
Reminds me some of The Stars are Legion by Kameron Hurley… probably all the recycled body parts… anywho, looking forward to more!
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In some endings, you will! It’ll be a blend between lovecraft-incomprehensible and also ‘i-wanna-give-some-sort-of-description.’
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I love the concept of this. I don’t think I’ve quite seen anything like it, here or elsewhere. It’s quite risky to write something so new and different while also doing so in a way that it is understandable - I for one have been put off by many stories that immediately dump made up names and terms unto the audience, or withhold too much information for the sake of mystique - but here, I found it very easy to adapt to the bizarre environment that the MC lives in, and the general lore. Not only easily, but quickly too, which I find very commendable. Frankly, that’s not something I always see even in stories with more cliche or traditional plots, and I super super appreciate it here.
I’m especially intrigued by the premise that, not only do we live in a cosmic herd animal, but that there are 12 that have humans living inside of them. And the threat of our own beast dying sits as a heavy cliffhanger, in combination with whoever Icarus is, if there are more like them (I presumed as much, but tbh I got caught up in what was happening and may have missed it XD), and just… whatever the hell is gonna happen next. Like, where are they all gonna go? I imagine the only viable place is one of the other 11 beasts, but that also leaves open the question of how we (the cult) will adapt to such a dramatic change.
Just, so many possibilities! I think I’ll be keeping my eye on this one.
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Love the concept and love the execution. Really fun worldbuilding, super convincing.
- Feels like we barely have time in the MC’s life before they give up everything and are press-ganged into the order.
- Feels like we barely have time in the Order before the MC learns everything is a lie. Story is moving really quickly.
- Feels like every choice is just determining how we react to the events. Didn’t feel as though I made a genuine choice; I’m just geing led from place to place.
- The world is one with limited resources and not a lot of time left. I was waiting for decisions on what to prioritise. Would be nice if the MC had a bigger role in the order, rather than dropping them in at age 19.
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Thank you for the compliments and for the feedback! Figuring out pacing and the placement/nature of choices is definitely going to be a learning curve, as my first time writing any sort of IF 
. Definitely something to go back over later.
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that was weird…and confusing, but then it made sense all of sudden.
Actually if we were inside some kind of God, life would’ve been better me think lol
But the whole ‘Gotta work, Slice ‘Walls’ days in, days out’ = This is a Scam.
Utopia…my butt. Speaking of butt. Tell me that’s not the only Exit? 
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Space cosmic horror, huzzah! My favourite kind of Space.
So far from what I’ve seen I like the concept. Space Cultists do have me intrigued. There’s a couple of ways I feel this story can go depending primarily on what’s focused on and the tone of the story.
If the goal is to make a really creepy detective horror story then further exploring the day-to-day and peculiarities of the station and the order would be nothing but a boon to the ambiance. Really give the player a chance to play either a stout believer or an unnerved and paranoid cynic. Or simply someone who’s at the wrong place, at the wrong time… constantly. Huh. Weird. Drop subtle hints to the various oddities that happen; urban legends that people talk about in the station, “Never go to Sector 22” and the like; perhaps talk about an ever present Inquisition (please don’t kill us Warhammer) that leads to more mysterious disappearances? Like that lovely shop owner you bought books from only for his store to not be there anymore three days later; glitches in the systems as the station deteriorates and fails. To name a few suggestions.
Otherwise if it’s a story for survival then having the MC have more agency in the managing of the Order would yield for more interesting dynamics. Perhaps their induction was borne out of a desire to either change the system or to uphold the values only for them to get more than they bargained for. As it stands it is rather odd that the MC would be privy to any of the events that unfolded upon J showing up. This has a bit of Fallout-y vibes to it where you’re the one burdened because you just so happened to be the nearest pair of hands. I loathe to have this turn into a ‘management sim’, however. Much prefer to explore the goings-on than worry about how much power is left for life support.
All in all. Good start. There’s some nice bones to work with here.
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Thank you so much for your suggestions! I guess ultimately I’m aiming for something between those two, with a dash of more sci-if/dystopia-esque narrative? Clash of genres, I know, but those tips’ll come in handy.
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