Ick. No I mean ICK! An enjoyable sort of ICK!
Reminds me some of The Stars are Legion by Kameron Hurley… probably all the recycled body parts… anywho, looking forward to more!
1 Like
In some endings, you will! It’ll be a blend between lovecraft-incomprehensible and also ‘i-wanna-give-some-sort-of-description.’
5 Likes
I love the concept of this. I don’t think I’ve quite seen anything like it, here or elsewhere. It’s quite risky to write something so new and different while also doing so in a way that it is understandable - I for one have been put off by many stories that immediately dump made up names and terms unto the audience, or withhold too much information for the sake of mystique - but here, I found it very easy to adapt to the bizarre environment that the MC lives in, and the general lore. Not only easily, but quickly too, which I find very commendable. Frankly, that’s not something I always see even in stories with more cliche or traditional plots, and I super super appreciate it here.
I’m especially intrigued by the premise that, not only do we live in a cosmic herd animal, but that there are 12 that have humans living inside of them. And the threat of our own beast dying sits as a heavy cliffhanger, in combination with whoever Icarus is, if there are more like them (I presumed as much, but tbh I got caught up in what was happening and may have missed it XD), and just… whatever the hell is gonna happen next. Like, where are they all gonna go? I imagine the only viable place is one of the other 11 beasts, but that also leaves open the question of how we (the cult) will adapt to such a dramatic change.
Just, so many possibilities! I think I’ll be keeping my eye on this one.
1 Like
Love the concept and love the execution. Really fun worldbuilding, super convincing.
- Feels like we barely have time in the MC’s life before they give up everything and are press-ganged into the order.
- Feels like we barely have time in the Order before the MC learns everything is a lie. Story is moving really quickly.
- Feels like every choice is just determining how we react to the events. Didn’t feel as though I made a genuine choice; I’m just geing led from place to place.
- The world is one with limited resources and not a lot of time left. I was waiting for decisions on what to prioritise. Would be nice if the MC had a bigger role in the order, rather than dropping them in at age 19.
4 Likes
Thank you for the compliments and for the feedback! Figuring out pacing and the placement/nature of choices is definitely going to be a learning curve, as my first time writing any sort of IF 
. Definitely something to go back over later.
3 Likes
that was weird…and confusing, but then it made sense all of sudden.
Actually if we were inside some kind of God, life would’ve been better me think lol
But the whole ‘Gotta work, Slice ‘Walls’ days in, days out’ = This is a Scam.
Utopia…my butt. Speaking of butt. Tell me that’s not the only Exit? 
2 Likes
Space cosmic horror, huzzah! My favourite kind of Space.
So far from what I’ve seen I like the concept. Space Cultists do have me intrigued. There’s a couple of ways I feel this story can go depending primarily on what’s focused on and the tone of the story.
If the goal is to make a really creepy detective horror story then further exploring the day-to-day and peculiarities of the station and the order would be nothing but a boon to the ambiance. Really give the player a chance to play either a stout believer or an unnerved and paranoid cynic. Or simply someone who’s at the wrong place, at the wrong time… constantly. Huh. Weird. Drop subtle hints to the various oddities that happen; urban legends that people talk about in the station, “Never go to Sector 22” and the like; perhaps talk about an ever present Inquisition (please don’t kill us Warhammer) that leads to more mysterious disappearances? Like that lovely shop owner you bought books from only for his store to not be there anymore three days later; glitches in the systems as the station deteriorates and fails. To name a few suggestions.
Otherwise if it’s a story for survival then having the MC have more agency in the managing of the Order would yield for more interesting dynamics. Perhaps their induction was borne out of a desire to either change the system or to uphold the values only for them to get more than they bargained for. As it stands it is rather odd that the MC would be privy to any of the events that unfolded upon J showing up. This has a bit of Fallout-y vibes to it where you’re the one burdened because you just so happened to be the nearest pair of hands. I loathe to have this turn into a ‘management sim’, however. Much prefer to explore the goings-on than worry about how much power is left for life support.
All in all. Good start. There’s some nice bones to work with here.
2 Likes
Thank you so much for your suggestions! I guess ultimately I’m aiming for something between those two, with a dash of more sci-if/dystopia-esque narrative? Clash of genres, I know, but those tips’ll come in handy.
3 Likes
Here’s an update I posted on my tumblr… quite a while ago, that I realized I maybe should put on the forums as well.
Progress Update 3/24/23
Thought I’d type up a quick update since it’s been pretty quiet lately. Don’t know if I should make this a regular thing, since most will end up sounding the same—wrote some words, still chugging away, etc. Let me know if you have any thoughts on the matter!
That aside, Chapter 2 sits at almost exactly 7k right now, with one 1/2 out of about 5-6 mini-branches finished. It’s panning out to be a slower-paced chapter, more just dealing with the ramifications of the recent reveal/learning more about the situation. I want to fit a lot more character interactions into it too, since so far, you’ve had limited contact with some of them.
Writing is hard and procrastination is easy; ergo, progress is slow, but at least it’s going. The next two weeks are going to be very very busy(out of town for almost all of both of them), which means even less writing than usual, but that’s life. Thanks again for reading!
13 Likes
I love the story so far
2 Likes
I really, really love this. I accidentally reloaded the page before I saved and I’m heartbroken! I’ll have to click through again some other time.
I caught a few typos:
descrimination
persue
Looking forward to future updates!
1 Like
Update!
…And it has finally come. Chapter two is here, with ~16k words in context and maybe another 500 in various scattered changes. Sorry for both its length and the time it took—spring is almost always bad for me in terms of workload. This brings the demo length up to ~47k words, and the average playthrough(achieved via ramdomtest) to… 12k. Which is not that much of an increase, but I promise I worked very hard for that 1k average.
Including...
- A (hopefully) dynamically-changing history screen, accessible via stats.
- Learning a bit more about the truth of this world.
- Bonding—or not—with Jasper.
- A bit of customization inserted into Chapter 1
- A whole, whole lot of flesh.
- And more!
20 Likes
Just finished reading the newest update! I am more convinced to go for Icarus in my first playthrough. What an interesting character! Will protect at all cost. I am always fascinated by AI, so picking them is a no-brainer move. And they are defintely more than a database to me! Sentience is born out of amassing sufficient information and having a complicated enough network; well, at least according to the information theory 
There are tumours now? I feel bad for the space creature … 
4 Likes
I love this! I’m a big fan of horror, parasites, the whole thing. Especially with the religious aspect added.
I found this part:
“What mattered was the story,” you say, trying to explain, “It doesn’t… He took us into His body as an act of benevolence, not because we drilled our ways into some poor creature like a parasite.”
pretty funny, since the simile implies they aren’t actually parasites. I mean, they’re not obligate parasites, but, to be redundant, a facultative parasite is still a parasite. I’m interpreting the use of simile as the MC’s rejection of reality, honestly, I’m always delighted to play the unseen, scary monster.
So far, I really like Icarus and August. Icarus, because I love sentient AI making dubious decisions, and August, because they’re like watching a beautifully crafted 3-tiered cake slowly melt and tilt over in the sun.
I also loved that the cyotes are actually immune cells.. I’m excited to see what other things are revealed and explored!
It’d be fun if it’s possible to influence things to either maintain the parasitism or shift towards mutualism… or, I don’t know. Do what the mitochondria did, and become a vital piece of alien anatomy. I would love to be the powerhouse of the cell.
Since it’s a horror story, I honestly half-expected there to be a joke about cannibalism because… I mean… if the natural burial here is by tossing the dead into the host’s stomach, and they can’t access that stomach… that’s about the same amount of horror, right?
1 Like
I’m just interpreting it as humans’ difficulty to do a perspective swap.
1 Like
Well it was pretty obvious in retrospect if you take in the fact that you are inside a giant body,
4 Likes
I just hope @EnaMeena allows us to keep our mask on the entire story. Playing an anti-social/shy character is easier this way 
3 Likes
Kinda reminds me of Cells At Work ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
2 Likes
Well it was pretty obvious in retrospect if you take in the fact that you are inside a giant body,
Yeah, it wasn’t a surprise in the slightest, but I still liked it in the dramatic irony sort of sense.
2 Likes
I really loved the start of your game, but I’m actually feeling unclear about what direction you will pick next.
I mean, Order is now essentially defunct, everyone is going to new colony. Lot of tension about character being a part of Exalted is going to dissapear, being replaced with new problems of integrating with colony.
Or is it, actually? Is there some paths where you can keep the Order in some capacity after reveal, like, changing some of it ideology to stay relevant? I feel like the themes of religious ideas, beliefs and attitudes and their interaction with reality around you are very interesting part of the game, and I would be really dissapointed if they will just go away with this grand reveal.l
1 Like