[WiP] Not Your Mother's Shire (c11: The Once and Future Kink)

Update: An 8,300 word push today put ch7b “Chalice in Plunderland” at 33,714 words. I could push another 3hrs and finish it, but I’ve already been writing for 7hrs today, and I’m starting to make mistakes. I estimate I’ll need an additional 5hrs to edit code and prose–36k words is the equivalent of 144pgs, even if you only experience a quarter of them in a playthrough (36).

That said, I may miss my goal of being finished before the weekend. I’ll be traveling for work through F the 23rd. If I can download ChoiceScript on my Mac laptop and get it working tonight, I’ll chip away. Otherwise, I’ll be plotting ch7c which happens in the Blizzard Duchy and brings back Trudy.

In hindsight, I ended up adding a bunch of things I hadn’t planned on which slowed me down: a surfer-gang initiation in which you have to create a freestyle haiku in a drum circle, a duel with a Dance Fu master while there is a quack-en (duck version of kraken) attack at sea, and also the invention of an imaginary STD.

Since I feel badly and you’ve all been so patient, here’s a spoiler outline for those who want it. For those who don’t, just a few more days, I hope. Plus male-female Trudy/Rudi and Octo/Octa art forthcoming. Cheers!

ch7b Chalice in Plunderland structure

-Travel there.
-Arrival at Port-a-Party at night. 3-prong night activities
-Drinks with Saz at Bar Brawl the MMA pub with mind-your-own-business wards so you can only hear
who is looking at you.
-Dispensary and then Cash-ino trip with Vera where you bet on vedge-hogs, hedgehogs who change
color based on the fruits or vegetables you feed them.
-Personal solo shopping where you might get mugged, might get to defend yourself by vomitting
clams, and might hear a doomsayer prophet outside a foreclosed hot dog stand. (unhealthy food tax)
-Back at the hotel, possible sexual encounter with mermaid.
-Major problem and complication regarding your letters.
-Major problem and complication regarding Saz and Vera They accidentally got married (substances were involved) and are in jail awaiting execution.
-Magical comms w/Octo.
-Pirate ship travel to TIFR (The Island of Fiscal Respondibility). You meet Nymph captain and magical-tattoo artist Dorsa. And her pet Dolphinator.
-Time on TIFR tour with Splosh’s asexual paramour: maximum security library, etc.
-Suppression of the free press.
-Meeting of the Bored.
-Commission to infiltrate surfer gang in exchange for help w other probelms.
-Travel to NAP-C (Not a Pirate Cove)
-Gang initiation.
-Phill!
-Pleasure cruise infiltration, semen extortion, STD invention, Quack-en battle
-Outro w 5-6 character resolutions and then 1-2 big surprises.

Which STD sounds worst?
  • Trans-genital vegan-nihilism: makes you allergic to meat and laughter.
  • Donkey-erotic banking syphillis: causes attraction to livestock and bank accounts to plummet.
  • Bowel-loosening toenail aversion: you shit yourself any time you see a foot–have to shower in socks.

0 voters

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A shame that Yester Morrow isn’t romanceable :frowning: regardless the writing is funny and nice. Shame about the introduction characters in the starting village, felt like there was potential but it was cut short and the circumstance they were in and they took make them more interessting to me hopefully we get options later on to learn more about them (in the past, maybe through timey-whimey stuff :shurg: ).

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Thanks for saying so!

Enough people have said this that I’m actually thinking of adding him/her in. When I wrote the early chapters, I hadn’t been as comfortable with ChoiceScript–he/she was more an attempt at getting the pronoun substitutions sorted for a gender swap.

All of the characters in Applebrook make a reappearance, actually, later in the story. I’m glad you liked them. The time storm effects each one differently, though, so you don’t immediately recognize all of them. Fogbeard, for instance, gets de-aged. The boy is grown when you next meet him. Phill’s temporal continuity gets ruptured. Etcetera.

@MasterChief117John Keep the feedback coming if you have anymore. I steer pretty loosely and like to keep things open. Cheers!

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Back from my work trip and happy to be writing again. I’ve just posted Ch7b: Chalice in Plunderland. Just under 43k words, so 172pp but 42pp/playthrough.

While I’ve edited it for code, I haven’t yet edited the prose. So:
-for earlier access, read away!
-for a cleaner read, wait 2-3 days.

Here is the male/female concept art for Trudy/Rudy, who will be returning in my next chapter, c7c.


By the end of the chapter, what do you think of Splosh?
  • I don’t think I really know anything about him.
  • I’m suspicious about what he’s not telling me.
  • He’s the mega traitor-est traitor.
  • He’s the secret protagonist of the story and we’re support cast.
  • F that turtle.

0 voters

By the end of the chapter, what do you think of Myrna?
  • Bad-a** B!
  • Boo!
  • What is even going on, really?
  • Meh.
  • Dear author, please stop hurting me.

0 voters

Who is the MvP of the Chapter?
  • Saz and/or Vera.
  • Splosh and/or Marin.
  • Myrna.
  • The Quack-en. (also Beebro?)
  • Phill (plus or minus Pipsquall, Sharkbait, and Nameless)
  • Dorsa and/or Jimb and/or Dolphinator

0 voters

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trudy/rudy looks somewhat like a bee lmao xD

could just be me, but I was quite surprised at Llorick’s art, because in the game he has long braided black hair w/ a strand of silver, but depicted in the art, he has short brown hair?

image

also


Capital, not capitol
Capital can refer to uppercase letters, while a capitol is a building in which the legislative body of government meets.

image
Yester is male here ^^

image
Ah, saturation! you think.

image
his

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Hi, so I have come back to read chapter 7… fnatastic as always but, who is “0”? :sweat_smile:

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@Mistyleaf123 They do, don’t they? (look like bees!) Once I have all 6 pairs of male-female art up, I will probably ask for feedback. Hear you on the Llorick hair issue. Just kind of spit-balling. My colorist didn’t read the passages. Neither, apparently, did I(!) Ultimately, I’ll have to change either the text or the images to match one another. Just trying to get all of them done. Definately want to hear any and all criticism, preferences, . . . especially where they effect the players’ ability to be romantically attracted to the RO. I just finished Octo/Octa so I was going to wait a couple days and post all of them. So far, which do you like/dislike most/least? (Or shall I wait?) :honeybee: :honeybee: :art:

@redfield Thanks! Oh, no! Is there someone named zero? Help, please! (Maybe they are the secret RO/last boss?) :black_heart: :zero: :skull_and_crossbones:

Thanks everyone for the messages of support! They keep me going. Cheers, all! :vulcan_salute:

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xD this is hard lol; favorite is still Yester, but I don’t dislike any that much. Probably also because I haven’t read through the whole demo yet :sweat_smile: Can’t wait to see the new art :3 (does Yester get one?)

I actually quite like the text vers., as (I think) most of the guys have short hair already.

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Uploaded a 50% prose edit of Ch7b for those waiting for a cleaner read. Hoping to finish the full prose edit tomorrow and then start on Ch7c whose working title is Polar Hex-press. I forgot to include my special thanks when I posted the chapter! Thanks to @MidnightHopeGames for naming Marin, Splosh’s asexual life partner and for choosing the long and short skirts for player attire. Thanks to @Mistyleaf123 for last naming Captain Dorsa Lazuli and for critical error-catching eyes. Thanks to @jamelikename for naming all the ships in the Port-a-Party bay. If any of you shy lurkers and long-time readers want to name something, I have full list of things coming up. :pray: :partying_face: :love_you_gesture: Feel free to DM me.

I think I’ll have to put up another poll for other art. Originally, I’d only intended to do the dragons, since the way I imagined them was, well, weird and hard to understand. Now, we have 5 dragons and 12 RO portraits in color w/background. Is this beginning to be an unprecedented amount of art for a text-based game? Will it traumatically slow load times for older or slower devices? Does anyone know? Or know of a CoG/HG with this many pictures. “Night Road,” maybe? Granted, you’ll only see 6 RO portraits in any given playthrough. P.S. I’m scared to do Yester. So many people like him/her so much, I don’t want to ruin their perceptions. :art: :sweat: :kiss:

I’ll post all 6 male-female RO portrait pairs in a day or two when I figure out my poll questions. Plus to spread out my meaningful posts to keep the thread high on “Latest” for the clicks. #tooshyforselfpromotion #anxietyruinsbowelmovements :flushed: :poop:

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Don’t be! You won’t be able to give everyone what they want, but if you want to, you do it. If not, don’t worry- you don’t have to.

Personally, I’d love to see how you pictured Yester; I’m always curious on how everyone views different characters.

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100% prose edit on Ch7b: Chalice in Plunderland posted on dashingdon. :100:

Here, now, come the RO art polls.

Zale Asmar, Dragonfall Human Sorceror


Vera/Vero Haupin, Dragonfall Dwarf Monk


Octa/Octo Dhensen, Dragonsworn Human Warrior


Saz Lejamb, Dragonsworn Half-Orc Ranger


Llorick/Llvette al-Ghantra, Unalligned Elf Wizard


Trudy/Rudi Fernasa, Unalligend Halfling Adventurer


Based solely on art, who is your favorite MALE romantic option?
  • Zale.
  • Vero.
  • Octo.
  • Saz.
  • Llorick.
  • Rudi.

0 voters

Based solely on art, who is your favorite FEMALE romantic option?
  • Zale.
  • Vera.
  • Octa.
  • Saz.
  • Llvette.
  • Trudy.

0 voters

Which art do you like better, the dragons or the romantic options?
  • Dragons.
  • Romantic Options.

0 voters

Please feel free to explain your decisions in the comments. I will also be posting this in its own thread to hear from people who haven’t read. Cheers!

EDIT: Added RO art to thread source for easy access.
EDIT 2: This poll is repeated in the Game Development section, here. Don’t be afraid to vote there too, to stimulate participation. The data will help my project. Thanks!

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First off, I absolutely love all of the art. Very well done, very high quality. For my picks, the Octa/Octo combo is easily my favorite, but the Zale combo is a very close second. As for dragons vs ROs, the dragons are awesome and I love seeing them, but I’m a sucker for RO art lol.

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I guess the RO art seemed more expressive of the character’s personalities than the dragon art. As for my picks, aesthetically I like looking at pretty people a lot so my picks (F!Saz and Llorick) leaned in that direction.

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The feminist in me questions why Octa is showing more skin than her male counterpart, but she’s also the one I find most attractive, by a wide margin. Would definitely start a pro-Dragonsworn playthrough just to romance the cool warrior lady, it was a good call to make characters gender-swappable.

None of the male designs really interest me, apart from maybe Zale. Based on the text descriptions I was favouring Llorick, but that haircut makes a difference, I’m afraid (my tastes run towards pretty men, and women that could kill me in a single hit, haha).

That nitpicking aside, I like how they’re all in dynamic poses that capture their personalities, and Zale’s background is especially eye-catching with the burning painting and all the splashes of bright colour. The treasure background for Trudy/Rudi is nice too.

4 Likes

Your art is just :ok_hand: chef’s kiss- the characters, the poses, the backgrounds!

For my choices- Either taller(than MC), built, and/or elegant men are more visually appealing to me than shorter, less fit, etc. men, so everyone​(including Yester lmao) minus Vero and (possibley) Rudi is on my list ^^
Note: this does not mean I don’t like them; just the visual image does not appeal to me :sweat_smile:
I’m not very interested in females, but I cannot deny that they look very good, in their own ways :slight_smile:

I like both the dragon and RO art, but if I had to choose, I’d rather have a visual image of who I am romancing

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That’s interesting. I began with the dragons because I thought more people would want to read because of them, but the trend seems to be the opposite. Which makes complete sense, since the companions are more of an emotional investment than an intellectual curiosity. I totally misread this. It may be a narrative mistake that Zale and Octo/Octa are the favorites, but the PC spends more time w Saz and Vera/Vero in the first half of the game. Oops. @Jackpot1776

This is insightful. I tried to make the dragons expressive, but reptile features don’t translate as well to human emotions. If you’ve read, do you think any of the human art expressions don’t align with the written personalities? @QuixquillianParadise

I wonder if gender-swappable characters won’t make them all bend toward androgyny. I hear you on the male-female Octo-Octa skin difference. The pants tears on Octa were added by my colorist. They’re both supposed to be staying cool due to the desert, but Octo’s scarf is covering the v neckline. It might balance things if I removed his scarf and gloves and then made his shirt sleeveless? Enough people have mentioned Llorick’s short hair that I’m thinking of changing it. I made a quick decision that he wouldn’t want to fuss over it (like Einstein never using a comb). Saz, who I have written as having a crew cut, ended up having long hair in the art (though you can’t see it) because I thought there could long periods of time before he saw a barber. Anyway, I’m chasing myself in circles, but your insights really help. @Elysian

I wonder if this is the case with lots of women? Being: they aren’t generally attracted to men shorter than themselves. Looks bad in photos, among other social and biological expectations. I’m taking a lot of time investing the PC in Vera/Vero, but they’re the lowest in both polls on attraction. I’m wondering if that’s a mistake. Do you think people won’t want to romance dwarves regardless of time together and personality? @Mistyleaf123

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Well, it kinda depends. I think that you should make another poll on which RO’s personality is the most appealing? it’s kinda hard to choose from just visual appearances; kinda like how you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover :sweat_smile:

From first (visual) impressions, Vero/Vera may not be the most physically attractive to me, but spending some time with them may change the way I view them.

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Although I voted Saz and Zale, Vera is my go-to gal pal. (I am also a little bit in love with Yester, but who isn’t?) My votes for the former are based purely on the art, though the vote would have been for both female versions as I usually only stick to F/F and have not pursued any of the Saz branches in-game (yet). Saying that, Vera in my mind is as attractive as the other ROs if that makes any difference. Character art, whilst giving me an idea of the character and sharing the same characteristics as the character I imagined, is not the character I picture whilst reading. So, I’m not swayed either way and I still love Vera.

I honestly don’t know if I answered anything there, but thought I’d drop by and say hi. The latest update was as fun as ever, the small interaction with Dolphinator made me laugh. I don’t know what it is about the MC talking to animals, but it gets me every time.

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Hurt my own feelings writing today.

That’s interesting. I’d be interested whether that time spent together will actually change people’s in-game romantic decisions. Of course, I’ll probably never have that data in a large way. How long does that take for you? Bad question, I know.

@Mistyleaf123 That’s a good idea. I think I will. I’m going to wait until Ch9. After 7c, Llorick and Trudy are permanent. In 8a, you pick up Octo. 8b, Zale. So, by 9, you have everybody. For the 11 (+5optional) remaining chapters. I’ll probably play down Saz and Vera to give the others some more screen time.

That’s really cool. I wonder if many people actually do this?

Hi! @jamelikename Glad someone besides me liked her. Her runes are low-key awesome, though not demonstrated–had to give the quack-en its moment. I was particularly fond of the “less shit on your shoulder” factor of a pirate’s dolphin versus parrot. As someone who bends toward F/F, how did Myrna and Dorsa sit with you? Did you choose to be intimate w Myrna? Would you have w Dorsa?

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I haven’t played through the entire demo, yet, no. I’ll let you know about personalities vs. art once I have!

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