Sweet mother, sweet mother, send your child unto me… for the sins of the unworthy must be baptized in blood and fear…
“Public sobriety is prohibited” I’m dying here! I swear, I used to live there
I’m enjoying this story a lot! It’s taking me longer than usual to read because I’m taking time to read this in between my own writing, not to mention ya know, life lol.
I have to ask though, have you ever read anything by Piers Anthony? If you haven’t, I highly recommend his books! A good starting place would be (in no particular order) A Spell for Chameleon, Golem in the Gears, Crewel Lye, or Dragon on a Pedastal. Your writing has places where it reminds me of his - in the best possible way!
Update: whew, finished c8a. 59,687word draft. May take me a week to edit, but I’ll post whatever I have on or by Friday and then keep working on it. Big chapter, big happenings. Excited for you all to read it!
Re: Dark Brotherhood
I think the thing in Oblivion, where a certain someone, finds out the dead drop location and then has you kill all the leaders is a hard-hitting mega-twist. Gives such gravitas. The misuse of you as a tool. The thought of who your targets might actually be. The injustice of Lucien’s fate, the truest of the true. Whoa. I’ve started new character just to play that questline. Add in great unique mechanics. And the purge of your first Coven. I don’t think I’ve seen its better outside of a CRPG. @Voldy @Eton_x
Re: Piers Anthony.
I haven’t, but I’ll definitely check him out. Always looking for good material. Thanks for the suggestion, @mdhoneylamb1 And thanks for reading. I’m glad you’re liking it. Frankly, I’m surprised anyone is. I think you may have to be a little crazy to like it. I’d pitched the concept to a couple publishers and been shot down. Too niche, I suppose. Plus, I’m horrible at selling myself. I’d be a lousy prostitute. Not “lousy” as in lice. Well, maybe. Depends on period hygiene. Anyway, wait til you see what happens in c8a! I’ve been waiting months! Cheers!
Your updates are always welcome and INSANE. You put so much heart and soul into this novel, I can’t even fathom how you manage to pump so much quality and quantity out—but I’m a huge fan!
An enormous capacity for self-deception? Thank you for saying so! Hey, I need a half-orc clan chief name for c8b. How would you like to be immortalized in obscurity as “Chief Leabou?” @Lea_Boucher
I just opened my eyes and I think I may have just fallen in love with some words at first sight. Oh my god, I would pass away if that happened! The honour. The ego rush. The fangirling!
XD you didn’t Use the whole sentence but it’s okay because I Like the idea
Posted c8a: Temple of Dune. Big one: 60,009wds. Haven’t finished editing (maybe 1/3 through). So, for a cleaner read, wait a week. There are nods to @q_riley and @Frieza–one is a slaver, the other a lunch lady. Thanks for following, guys. I also put some Easter eggs in for you diehards: Bunkisi ride claim, Saz cabin fantasy–see if you can find them all. Two things:
- Big emotions this chapter. Use spoiler tags if you’re going to say something that might ruin someone else’s read.
- If you want to talk about sexy things in detail, be tactful. Or DM me. If it becomes a thing, I can create a mature thread.
Hope you enjoy. Send screenshots if you break something.
- Am I bad person for saying no?
- Don’t ask me, I can’t think.
- Emotions are confusing.
- I used to hate them. Now I don’t.
- I used to hate them. I still do.
- I never hated them. Glad I was right.
- I didn’t hate them before. Now I do.
- Long live the Marquess!
- Can we please save both?
- Don’t really care. I don’t vibe with either of them.
It took me days to actually read the whole chapter and all I can say is…
That was unexpected. I don’t know how to feel, about anything tbh.
Great update though! Had me on the edge of my seat multiple times.
Do you think it took too much of a dark turn? @7bloodbane7 Sometimes, I just sit down and let the words type themselves, but I’m a little worried about tonal inconsistency and pacing. (Anyone can speak to either of those or anything else!) The most interesting thing to me about story is how characters have to change with changing circumstances. But I know that isn’t everyone.
Don’t know if anyone noticed, but I kind of tried to absorb a “vacation” chapter into that one. Thought I’d see how it was received. Meaning there is a long stretch of optional team rapport pre-side missions. Anyone have thoughts? If that’s the way we sway things, the future looks . . . different. Sorry for any emotional scarring, and welcome to the club! Stay tuned for c8b A Game of Throats.
Great chapter and really intense end! I am forever grateful that a character got named after me in my favorite game
I laughed so hard at this haha
“With any luck, Frieza may have escaped the slaughter. Or died with pot roast in her belly.”
No I don’t think so at all, it wrapped itself up pretty nicely tbh, and it was nice to see the changes in some characters.
Honestly, me being confused about how to feel has nothing to do with how dark it is, but more about Otca’s apparent personality shift. I was totally taken in with her whole character she portrayed in chapter 4 (I think it was chapter 4) but now she seems like a completely different person.
It was very interesting and pulled at my emotions, really drew me into the story even more. I am just really confused about how to feel about her at the moment.
Oh, and the Yester scene was great, especially when the MC woke up kissing the bedroll lol
This is helpful feedback. I’d tried to allude through other characters that Octo/a isn’t precisely what he/she seems, but I was worried I’d been too subtle, and that there would be blowback. Octo/a was the favorite RO by a wide margin in my survey. While his/her charm isn’t necessarily malicious, it isn’t exactly honest either. I’m actually very excited about the path forward for her/him–very Jaime Lannister.
I tend to be borderline obsessive with character design. So, Octo/a is motivated pretty deeply by a fear of abandonment due to his/her parentage and upbringing. Making everyone like him/her is sort of a defense mechanism which can be accidentally hurtful. Saz, on the other hand, avoids forming bonds to avoid the pain of loss. So, he/she can sometimes be anti-charismatic in an effort to drive people away.
Anyway, thanks for your response. I will definitely keep it in mind as I go forward. And I remain totally open to anything else that comes to mind. Writing, you can get stuck in your own view, which may or may not be real. @7bloodbane7
May you always have all the pot roast you desire, @Frieza
I’m glad I can help a little. I didn’t really believe people telling me she wasn’t what she seems because, well, they were dragonfall and I kinda assumed they were biased. That is, up until Saz said something, then I knew something bad was about to happen…
Oh, and tell Saz that her being anti-charismatic isn’t working, fav RO from day one lol.
Good luck with your writing!
I just found this and it is very good. I laughed so hard during chapter 4, oh that horse is hilarious. Anyway I am definitely looking forward to more. I hope you are able to finish this. I am still in chapter 5 at the moment and when able I will finish what is available. The choices I get make are funny. So far chapter 4 is my favorite.
Okay, new plan. Prepare to be outraged.
So, we’re 2/3 through with 307/500k wds and 10 chapters completed. Math-wise, I think we want to wrap the story in 5 chapters, then. 200k wds remaining / 5 chapters = 40k wds per chapter. I’ll absorb the vacation days into the remaining chapters (like w c8a), and then I’ll need to recalibrate relationship growth which was paced slower. You will be able to reach 100% by c8b to dictate which companions are available to romance.
c8b Heart of Dork-ness
-deliver the letter to Tzob and see what’s up with the Swamp Duchy
c9 Enter the Phtagn
-choose a side/ending path in Applebrook
-commit to a relationship
c10 A Game of Throats: Blizzard Duchy (DF) invades Swamp Duchy (DS)
c11 The Name of the Wimp: Coastal Duchy (DF) lands in Desert Duchy (DS)
c12 The Once and Future Kink: Jungle finale (?) vs (?)
For these, your main party is divided. Your travelling party becomes Phill, Yester, and two-ish secret others. You move with them to the side you choose.
Your ending will be dictated by which side you chose in ch10-12 (3-ish?) and who, if anyone, you romance, (7+!). Some of the romances, you’ll see, come with terms.
- Isn’t it your job to know?
- Whatever, man–this shit is wild!
- Awfully awesome.
- Yep, definitely does. Maybe do something else.
I swear I take extra care to save in the story, yet when I load my saves it takes me to the stat screen, soft locking the game. It’s a shame because I was just getting into chapter 5 (have followed this thread for a long time and only now i’ve had the time to, well, read the story). Also, when my “Untouchable” stat reached 60%, the word “Unbreakable” disappeared from the bar
That happens to me as well in other WIP too. Sometimes when I save it takes me to the stat screen and I have to restart.