[WiP] Not Your Mother's Shire (c11: The Once and Future Kink)

Update! lol the interactions with the new characters were interesting- especially Yester’s. The scenes were funny- they made me laugh. :joy:

Some minor errors

gender pronoun change- Yester is male in my playthrough.

there shouldn’t be another quotation mark there.

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Mm… Slightly? :upside_down_face:
As with lots of things, asexuality is a spectrum. Sex itself is as much a choice people can say no to with someone even if they aren’t ace. Being ace doesn’t necessarily mean you’d never at least consider “going all the way” with someone you deeply cared about; you just wouldn’t really be into the act itself. Seeing your partner happy, and content is/can-be very fulfilling for someone on the ace spectrum, though, so at least offering the option is taking into account those who more willingly would. :smile:

For those who aren’t, though, a disclaimer letting the reader know in advance the option is still available for ace players can help head off any knee-jerk negativity that temporarily forgets demi-sexuality exists. :blush:

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Finished chapters 3 and 4 this week, only I merged them into one mega-chapter called Something, Something Chainmail Bikini. (There’s a wardrobe conjuration section where such things as tartan kilts and chainmail bikinis are optional.)

Lots to break. I’d love screenshots if you can manage it. Or if you find typos or ugly formatting. Also, if you want to try a couple playthroughs of Ch. 3, I could vet pathways quicker and move on to new material. Hope you enjoy!

Who should be the mayor of Cool Town?
  • Llorick
  • Mother Megdura
  • The Mini-taur (dwarf-bull hybrid)
  • Yester
  • Fogbeard
  • Phill

0 voters

What was your favorite part of Chapter 3?
  • Fending off the hungry wolf in any of many ways
  • Fashion-style outfit selection
  • Test-driving Timeliness powers
  • The Mini-taur battle
  • Sleuthing the case of “What the Elf Happened?”
  • Other (post in reply)

0 voters

If you have a favorite joke/favorite jokes so far and want to share them in a reply, it will help me calibrate what people find funny. Cheers!


“The truth is like poetry. No one wants to listen to that shit.”

That and the dragon frog confirmed just how much I enjoy this game. Winter has arrived in my corner of the world (getting 12 inches of snow in a few days), I’m currently battling a lung issue that has plagued me for weeks now, and Covid continues its rampage into 2021.

Yet here I sit next to my fiance, grinning and giggling at this well-written and surprisingly wholesome and in-depth story. As well as staring in awe at that artwork. That thing is glorious, and we deserve to have a section where we ride one of those, dammit (even unwillingly).

In simpler terms, I thoroughly enjoyed this funny fantasy so far, and I sincerely hope this is seen to the end; it’s potential is already clear to fill a current, gaping void in the CoG/HG library, and that being a comical gamebook that remains enjoyable and fun. I loved it, and it has brought me some real joy in this dark period I find myself in. Thank you.

I got to be a stylish male elf with luxurious hair who is obsessed with cloaks and the frying pan. The only thing missing now is the ability to wield magic. It seems well be unable to become a true sorcerer, but as a massive DnD fan, I have to ask when can we let fireballs fly? And lightning hands. Every fantasy game needs lightning hands. I will roast all of my foes before me with the electricity of the storm gods. If that sounds extreme, don’t set any red barrels before me, either.

In all seriousness, fantastic work, here! I gladly look forward to more from this and I wish you luck in your writing!

Could we see lightning hands? :eyes:

I’m sorry, I just thoroughly enjoy elemental magic. And it is ripe with comedic potential. I just hope I’ll get to recreate some DnD hilarity many of us have had! :joy:


Some art for you. Here’s Hazmek, the scorpion-dragon who rules the desert duchy. It becomes something of a joke that he looks more like a crocodile but, if you’re a big enough lizard, no one will argue you.

I’ve also posted the image at the top of the thread. I will continue to swap the images as I develop more. Previous images will be stored under the “Concept Art” collapsable where you can now find Bunkisi, the frog-dragon, if you haven’t had a chance to look. When I’ve finished the 5 dragons, I’ll move onto the romanceable NPCs.

I’ve also updated the top thread and will continue to do so this weekend. Still figuring the right words to entice play-testers, so if you have any suggestions . . . I’m a poor salesman. Also, I’d be poor if I was a salesman.

@Mistyleaf123 Thank you so much for your screenshots and editorial eye. Sorry I didn’t say so earlier. I made every change within 5 minutes of your posting. Keep this up, and I’ll have to name an NPC after you! Maybe you could be a spell checker (spell as in sorcery).

@LadyUmbreon89 Thanks for your well-worded response. I’ve been thinking how I might incorporate your insights. Thought, for me, is a glacial process. I’ve begun coding a chapter zero, where I can get ahead of the knee-jerk negativity. I’m also considering coding out a separate ace romantic option when I’ve finished with the six main. Maybe Yester? That’s if I haven’t driven myself mad by then. I wonder, do you know of any finished works that do what you’re describing well, so I can reference?

@Vexius_Krexius I’m glad you like it. For you, I’ll promise: lightning hands will make at least a single appearance. I’ve already thought of a few ways I can weave it in. Balance, the second power set, deals with a decision between Yin (chaos), Yang (order), and Yolo (not caring). Based on that, the PC will gain powers of of destruction, restoration, or dumb luck. Stay tuned!

Lastly, for continuity, I’ve changed ADH-Whee! to Shiny! as a result of a poll. I’ve also changed the wording for the asexual aromantic decision in Chapter 1. This week, I’ll be focused mainly on tidying and tuning up chapters 1-3. I write a lot quickly but poorly, so, unless I edit and iterate, it ends up being loads of rubbish. Also, I’m hoping to get artwork done for another dragon. Cheers, all. Thanks for your support!


Aw, you’re awesome! I don’t know how to respond to that! :sweat_smile: Thank you! I certainly can’t wait to see what you come up with!

This sounds very interesting! I will very enthusiastically be choosing Yin, but I am excited to try them all and see how they vary!

I shall post more technical and elaborate feedback soon!

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:joy: lol, I guess I’ve got a good eye for the small details- I’d probs not do as good if you asked me to summarize a specific scene or the game, lol.

And if you DO decide to name a NPC for me- can I choose the name? lol (mostly because I play characters using my own name :sweat_smile:)

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Brief update: I’m a bit behind as ATX has been without power, water, or general happiness for the last four days or so, as you may have read. On the upside, I learned to make fire logs by binding cardboard with a coat hanger. To compensate, I’m attaching concept art for a third dragon below.

This is Tzob, the spider-dragon who rules the half-orcs of the swamp duchy. She has power over a person’s regrets.

I’m about halfway finished Chapter 4, which will be called either “A Wee Bit Drunksy” or “Coital Pickle-Pores.” You can vote below. The first refers to the “public sobriety prohibited” policy of Shrubbery-ville where the chapter takes place. The second refers to a certain troll’s propensity toward eating pickles before sex, for the smell created by sweat. And, of course, to re-experience pickle taste on her partners’ skin. Also in Chapter 4, you will name a horse that doesn’t like you, choose whether to stay at the Bed, Breakfast, and Burlesque or the Fussy Folks’ Fancy Lodge, and choose to wield power over Yin (chaos and destruction), Yang (order and restoration), or Yolo (dumb luck in the face of danger). Cheers, all! And thanks for your patience.

What should Chapter 4 be called?
  • A Wee Bit Drunksy
  • Coital Pickle-Pores

0 voters

Where will you stay?
  • Bed, Breakfast, and Burlesque
  • Fussy Folks’ Fancy Lodge

0 voters

Which power will you pick?
  • Yin (chaos and destruction)
  • Yang (order and restoration)
  • Yolo (dumb luck in the face of danger)

0 voters


This is hilarious! I love it! <3 Yester tho ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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After a big push today, I finished chapter 4–including code, it’s just under 20k words by itself. I’m calling it “A Wee Bit Drunksy,” since that title won by a landslide in the poll. If people enjoyed it, we can name all of my chapters this way. Chapter 4 features a cameo from a sylph named Misty Leaf who set up a spell-checker stand to help writers and wizards alike. This is next to a discount enema stand. They’re having a clearance sale–everything must go! Sorry, it’s a crowded marketplace. @Mistyleaf123

I’m devoting tomorrow to a hard edit of chapters 3 and 4. Slows me down, but improves clarity and makes jokes hit harder. Tune in tomorrow for a new chapter by EoD CT. In the interim, I thought I’d share some reviews that my advanced copy received from authors you may have heard of. Enjoy!

Praise for Not Your Mother’s Shire:

“Had Tolkien been a member of Monty Python, he might have written a story like this–only it would have been good.” -JK ROFL-ing

“Please don’t call me [before writing another hilarious installment I can heartily endorse].” - N. Gayman

“Words fail me.” Jorge RR. Martinez (the double “r” is one letter Spanish)
*Jorge went on to specify which words failed him, citing the ones in this book


You had me at playable half-orc! :heart_eyes:

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:joy: :joy: :joy: I can’t believe you actually did that- Can’t wait to see how everything turns out :stuck_out_tongue: and I’ll keep looking for any issues for ya!

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As promised, I give you Chapter Four! Not as promised, I’m calling it Fellowship of the Bling. I know we did a poll and all, but we writers are mercurial sorts given to wild whimsy and sudden genius. Really, we have no choice in the matter. (I will try to be better about polls.)

Herein, you meet your second RO: Trudy! (Llorick was the first.) By the end, you chose your second power set. For those of you who want to stay at the Bed, Breakfast, and Burlesque (BBB), you might first choose the Fussy Folks’ Fancy Lodge (3FL). See, there’s an etiquette screening you can intentionally bomb to get a few more jokes in before you have to go the BBB anyway. I worked really hard on this chapter, so I hope you like it!

Looking forward: In Chapter 5, the PC will experience the Dragonsworn. In Chapter 6, the PC will experience the Dragonfall. At this point, the PC will have met and interacted with all 6 ROs. Chapters 7, 8, and 9 will be playable interchangeably–they each happen in one of the 5 duchies. Dragons at last! After that, Chapters 10 and 11 will be playable interchangeably–they happen in the last two of the five duchies. When you’re finished with those, you’re at about the midpoint. I have some great character reveals and reversals for you. From here, you will revisit each of the five duchies, now in full conflict, and decide on a case-by-case basis whether to support or overthrow the rule of the five dragons–so 5-ish more chapters there. Based on the sum of your decisions, you will be set upon one of four ending paths, though each has variations based on certain things, e.g. who you romance, if anyone. You can serve the dragons, rule them, slay them, or become them(!?). That’s the loose plan, barring sudden inspiration otherwise.

Stay tuned, and thanks for your support. Cheers! -DW


hahaha thats true, very true. I can’t wait to give it another playthrough :grin:

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:joy: as always, the update made me laugh- how are you so good at this

an typo i caught :slight_smile:

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I’ve got it figured! Going to be a bit further down the way, so hold tight. T’will be shocking. If you’re using save data for each update, make sure you choose Yin during Chapter 4, or you’ll miss your lightning hands later. Cheers! @Vexius_Krexius

Glad it’s not just me! If you’re a psychologist and know what this means, please keep it from me. @redfield

That would be such a better line for Jerry Maguire–Tom Cruise movie, “You had me at hello.” My half-orcs’ native language is Omission. So, lots of room for interpretation. Anthropologists suspect this is why they fight so much. @mistylavenda

The muse is an abusive lover. She spends so much time ignoring you that, when she finally looks your way, you act a fool to impress her. Checked out Realm of Steel. Looked pretty interesting. @Jackpot1776

Glad! Laughter is the best medicine. Also penicillin. If I’m good, it’s because I’m deeply unable to deal with real life. I’ve been lying to myself for years! Did you find yourself yet? In the story, I mean. You’re toward the end of Chapter 4. Let me know what you think. If you want, I can change the name or race to whatever else you like. I thought “Misty Leaf” would be a good name for a sylph. Cheers! @Mistyleaf123


Is she more for flavour text than an actual char? We won’t be seeing her again, will we? If not, you can keep her as she is-

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Honestly, could go either way. Now that she’s out there, there’s no telling!

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I’ve tried refreshing a couple to see if the problem is with my network but to no avail.

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Oh no! Sorry. Think I fixed it for you.

Have to “comment” out the smplugin when quick-testing. Uploaded an edit without changing it back. I’ll be more careful next time. Hope this works for you. Cheers! @Redhood53

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