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Expressly?: “No officer steps foot anywhere near the area—unless they are expressively told so,” he adds pointedly. “Are we all clear?”
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Worn?: Though the once-proud muscle is undeniably word down, it’s no-less strong.
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Extra space: Realisation much faster in his eyes than the prolonged way he nods his acknowledgement of the stifling faux pas , Casey slowly leans back into place again, absently tapping his glass with the pads of his fingers.
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It’s one I’ve grown used to knowing, and It would be silly to hide that from other people as well.
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An: Connor says, controlling his amusement down to a errant smirk.
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Panicked?: Jelani jumps, taking a panic sip of juice.
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Liked: “Casey’s got awkward for a middle name, sure—but that’s no crime in my book. I’ve always like him.”
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Missing quotation: Owen folds his screen down slightly. "Do I still keep my laptop? he checks.
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Beer-gut? Duplicate ‘a’: A real mountain of a man, a polo shirt stretched over the beginnings of a bear-gut, tucked into track pants and festooned with a chain likely about as cheap as him. “You know how to a run a place like this, do you?” he grumbles back, scratching at his stubble in frustration.
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Missing period: My social battery’s been starting the day at half-empty recently—just enough for work and the carriage ride there and back
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Used to talk about: “That’s why it’s such a dream, you know? It’s something we always used to talked about it…”
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Bonnie pronoun ‘he’: “I’ll have to ask him," I excuse myself in the most basic way. "We’re both…busy.”
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To have been?: River, and it might just be me, appears to be haven been expecting a different answer.
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To become: I realise I’ve cut through what was meant to be Bonnie’s safety net too late—and her expression starts become troubled once more.
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Maybe I’m being premature, but It’s hard to tell if he even cares about anything.
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Playing [the] comment off: She places her salad box to one side again, swallowing. “It’s sweet when you get to nerd out about something,” she admits, playing comment off as a joke.
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With?: Simply going through the motions, I select the relevant code and swap it out within nothing but a few key presses.
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Missing period: “…Can’t go wrong with a few flowers, can you?" She smiles supportively
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Sewing?: “H,” she greets shortly, branches pulling at the sowing of her expensive sweater as she plucks them free without mind
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Missing comma in choice: “Sun of fire**"** I groan. "Do you ever let up?”
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Missing comma: She holds up a dismissive hand. "I’m dealing with this, H" she reminds me bluntly.
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Weren’t: There wasn’t so many of them when they were pestering Cass…
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Capitalization: immediately, Two Red Ranks break off from the squad and crowd my personal space—I only just manage to pocket Chelle’s discarded business card from off of the floor before they arrive.
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Pronoun typo or just someone who uses he/she pronouns? (She’s, she, himself) Confused about who’s being referenced:
Another trooper emerges from the alley, barging through the rest of the squad. “I looked over our downed unit, ma’am,” he calls, addressing Regan. “She’s alive, ma’am.”
“We’ll see for how much longer after she explains himself…” Regan mutters, Tilly still shaking like a leaf in front of her.
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Use: “Sure did, Vigi-loser,” the criminal sneers over their raised gauntlet. “What, are you mad that I didn’t used your superhero name?”
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Duplicate ‘the’: …before I slap them hard across the jaw, rattling their piercings as the the hit echoes around the small room.
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‘noncommittal’ might be a more natural word choice: He smiles, agreement twinkling within the expression. “Maybe,” he says—non-committed. His eyes venture errantly down the empty corridor behind me, seeming to linger there for a moment. “On your own again?” he follows up.
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Height: “How did you know that?” I demand coolly, gearing my suspicion up at his greater hight.
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Lying?: I’m starting to feel my boots treading on familiar ground here, and it’s not just because there’s criminals laying in pain at my feet.
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I think someone else mentioned the hard-coding of T. Redfern as male/Teddy, here’s presumed instances of that:
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Teddy (hard-coded?) used instead of Tilly Redfern: All I need is why they’re after Teddy… And then I’m out of here…
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“I’m almost positive the Heir would be given his own category," he replies confidently, scrolling once more. "Morbid as that is.”
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Missing ‘an’?: I feel my ears prick at some distant sound. My fingers curl anxiously around the phone. “I still need to know,” I say. “How is this [an] answer?”
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Too: It’s like I know I’ve noticed something—but my brain’s to crammed to take it on-board.
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A beseeching look?: Deflating with a sigh of palpable frustration, I send a beseeching [look] out of the bedroom window.
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Missing period?:
Walsh turns away and scoffs.
“Having some trouble, Deputy?”
Now it’s his turn to freeze
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Might reword to “burst words of authority” for better flow?: The words of burst authority bounce off the alley walls once—followed by the humble click of a gun.
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Walsh Keeps his gaze to himself, apart from the occasional glance towards his erstwhile companion.
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Led, one, an, it’s?:
Lee squints to keep his gaze open as he’s grabbed and lead with the rest of the Kairnwells to fill up on side of the dilapidated chamber—leaving the other open for the car to pull into.
Well, more aptly—a old piece of junk on wheels. An out-of-date, standard (at the time) four-door, almost certainly stolen and run into the ground. Its peeled and patchy body manoeuvres sluggishly into the narrow alley entrance, headlights and chugging exhaust growing sharper in the surrounding confines before its finally parked up beside the criminal crowd.
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Extra line break, “such a”, off?
“…Deputy Lee.”
“Deputy?” the leader repeats, sharp amusement rising to his tone. He turns on the other deputy, taking the eyes of his lackeys’ with him. “If that’s the case—you’ve [extra line break]
got balls, big fella,” he tells him—with ample patronising hint. “For a such bottom feeder.”
Lee shrugs innocently. “Don’t you?”
The Kairnwell scoffs, taken by surprise. “Oh, very good,” he congratulates, finding his sharp grin again. "A little laugh in your final moments.” The rest of the Kairnwell pack show of similarly wicked grins—like the notion were at the command of some hivemind.
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—pulling the forgotten burner phone out.
Its buzzes healthily in my palm.
Deputy Lee calling…
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Should be Bonnie=girlfriend: The pan spits and hisses as River dumps the rest of the vegetables into the stir fry. “Everything alright, Bon Bon?” he asks, looking down to notice his boyfriend’s despondent expression.
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its resilient construction strikes a harsh comparison against Lee’s tender blood and bone.
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Lie?: No time to lay about.
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Missing period?: Rather than risk sharing their anxieties, Lee turns his gaze up instead He notices, through a tight angle of a nearby skylight, a rooftop cresting the world outside. An armed gunman sits atop it, high in the sky, a scope and a long barrel pointing away into the night.
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Missing space and oneself/himself?: The leader follows Lee’s gaze idly.“Just in case your colleagues decide to pull their thumbs out," he explains, excessively proud of one’s self. “But I think we both know they’re real comfortable just how they are.”
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Duplicates: The leader’s dismissive orders orders bounce around the the cold field of cars as he turns his back on Lee without so much as a farewell look. “Walsh—don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet, boy.”
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Caught at the edge of his strained vision, he sees one [of] the Kairnwells at the perimeter gather up a stuffed briefcase, the item previously left resting upon the criminals’ remaining car.
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An: …I cleave through the criminals in a out-of-control ignition of midnight oil.
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Is mantle a verb? I only know of its noun meanings: Soaking up all the party favours they can manage, I mantle over the very car I started at…
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Missing period: "People who make deals with our enemies tend to put me off”
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Choice typo “those”?: “What about does people I saved?” I ask, trying to solve more gaps in my context. "Where did they come from?”
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Humble might read smoother: “I managed to snag a few,” he replies, amused at the humbling framing of my question. There’s a tiny hint of labour heard in his humour, now that he’s closer. “You didn’t think I was just sitting on my hands, did you?”
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A thinly veiled change of subject. Whether in genuine aid to his curiosity, or to obscure the matter [of] his well-being, it’s hard to tell.
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He smirks—though it’s tempered by a small genuine twinge. “Well, [as far?] as last resorts go, I think you’re [a] pretty damn good one,” he amends.
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Tried: If the Kairnwells tired to take those people tonight—and the deputy doesn’t seem surprised—then they’ve done this before.
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I shake my head to myself, swallowing the doubtful nerves. A slow and steady balancing act maintained behind the mask.
it’s not like there’s any end in sight for me.
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Come?: Meanwhile, the Heir to the city’s become under threat.
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Kinds: Before being mere minutes ago. Or hours. Who knows on these kind of nights?
I’ll probably give another try soon and then hopefully have something to say about the actual story instead of meta stuff 
Whoop whoop!!! Perfect cut off for the demo, omg, so hyped for the next update. Need to do lots of replaying different branches in the meantime.
And, Dove, you’re also very cool for writing this.
