Question: if I clicked the demo link in the original post, will it show me the revised version you just posted, or the old demo? Just wondering because I just discovered this wip and fell in love! I thought it was originally posted just today. Can’t believe I haven’t seen it before!
I have to confess, I like have a weird love of a mafia setting. Some girls have vampires, I have mafiosos lol. So this is like straight catnip to me. I loved it, whichever version I read. Can’t wait for more! But also, please take your time, cuz if the next chapter is as good as this one (and I’m certain that it will be), it will certainly be worth the wait!
I did a single playthrough last time. That said, I just looked at all the name choices now, and I think it needs revision, especially since the Flying Dragon origin character is now from Hong Kong.
Ravi is a name of South Asian origin (likely India/Pakistan). It does not appear to fit any of your origins.
Jian, Xinyan and Tian are pinyin names. As I mentioned in my previous feedback, this would have been unusual in 1970s New York. Since the Flying Dragon character now comes from Hong Kong, you should be aiming for names more in line with Cantonese speakers. (E.g. Tian would be Tin.) Also note that for surnames, Liu should be Lau for a Hong Kong character.
Liron is a very modernish Hebrew name. It would be a very unusual choice for someone from the Jewish Soviet mob.
Aisosa would also be unusual in 1970s New York, as most Nigerians immigrating during that time were academics who would be unlikely to be involved with organized crime in New York. The larger wave of Nigerian migrants came later.
If you wish to write about diverse backgrounds in 1970s New York, I recommend doing more research on their history and languages first.
It was nice to come back to this IF, especially since the rewriting is very good; explains some things that should have been explained at the beginning.
It’s an IF about the mafia, but the mc is different than the typical mafia character. It’s refreshing. “This is awesome. I’m a mafioso now!” they said in their Oxford English. xD
Really like this story so far. I was wondering if we embrace paying back The Big Boss through a more criminal route will there be a set of illicit business our character can get into, will it all be protection rackets or will it be customizable to an extent?
