WIP: Fallen Hero 2: Retribution - updated 27 april 2019 (SPOILER WARNING!)

I wasn’t bothered by it, if you want to keep it like that, it’s okay. It’s your book after all and that was just a suggestion :c I’m so sorry if somebody got offended by that but it was just my opinion and as I read someone said, it surprised me. I thought that maybe because our society is not used to it, you could write people’s reactions as a plus, but that’s on you after all.
Anyway, the novel is going great so far and I can’t wait for the release!

Played through for the first time in a while.
Seems every time I play, I discover something I hadn’t noticed before. There’s really so much packed into this game, it’s amazing.

Here’s a list of typos I noticed.

Summary

“It helps that you’re not the theatrical type, you look too down to earth to be an unhinged madman. And you haven’t killed anybody yet You can joke with Mia, even get her to smile in return.” - Missing a period.

“Hey, What’s the emergency?” - What’s shouldn’t be capitalized.

“He’s not.” But she doesn’t look as sure as she sounds. "If there’s something I know intimately, it’s how Steel acts around someone he doesn’t trust completely. He’s got his eyes on you. Don’t know why, but there must be someth… " you react before you think, dodging the hand that’s reaching for your throat. Did she just try to grab you? - Accidently mashed two paragraphs together.

“Don’t you dare telling me it’s because you care. We’re not friends, Chen. We never were,” - Wrong tense on ‘telling.’ Should be ‘tell.’

“To her credit, Ortega doesb’t tense up or do anything else to draw attention to herself.” - Doesb’t isn’t a word.

“It’s not too much information, it’s too much time spent researching things were you can be found out.” - were =/= where.

“But being nervous have never stopped you before, that’s was the first few years of Sidestep’s career just when you got out of the Farm for the first time.” - ‘that’s was’ should be ‘that was’

“The true entrance to the Boulevard Casino, lies, like so many other things, underground.” - Remove the comma between Casino and lies.

“Water conducts electricity well, though Ortega almost fried himself in the process.” - I’m honestly not sure if himself is referring to Ortega or Sharkinator (best villain name ever.) If the former, than Ortega should be female. If the latter, it’s unclear.

“There’s no skin showing, even the hands are gloved, and the boots do a good job of imitating cloven hooves as well ass adding several inches to her height.” - ‘as’ has one too many s.

“THis is a safe place, and Los Diablos is prone to small quakes and bad wiring.” - Too many capital letters.

“For caring enough make a mess.” - There’s supposed to be a ‘to’ there somewhere

“Sure, you beat in in a straight fight, but what annoys you is that you were sloppy.” - Multiple in’s. Pretty sure one of those is supposed to be a pronoun.

Played through twice to collect those spelling errors. Once as the calm and collected Mercenary, the fledgling crime lord building up his power base to put him on an even footing with his enemies. And once as Sidestep, the corrupted shadow of the past, she hunts heroes with a face that reflects all their imperfections, destroying them; and in so doing, saving them all.

Very pleased with how different each playthrough turned out to be. Sure, they stopped at a lot of the same bases, but the reasons and interactions were completely different. Every choice had a different feel to them; one was trying to manipulate them, while the other was performing percussive maintenance on their skulls.
I would say, between the two of them, crime lord did seem to be the more ‘canon’ route. Maybe it’s just that it was my first playthrough, but it certainly felt fuller. I liked that there were options to flesh out my organization, and the interactions with my henchmen and they way that they always came up was awesome.
It just felt like there wasn’t really an equivalent for the Hero Hunter. The difference ends up being that in Crime Lord, being a criminal and building my empire is my primary goal and a constant effort. Whereas in Hero Hunter, it felt more like a side-activity than something I’m planning constantly.
Also, in Hero Hunter, the end goal is a lot less…defined. For Crime Lord, it’s pretty clear, we’re successful after we’ve toppled Hallowed Ground and established ourselves as the big bad of the underworld, with resources and power necessary to go against our true enemy. Hero Hunter doesn’t have the same definable ‘win condition.’

Although I think there was one major thing that bugged me all throughout my second playthrough as “Sidestep.”
Not a whole lot of people talk about it. At the end of book 1, it seemed like the whole board had been flipped. I remember in that hospital scene, Ortega was so concerned for my well-being, and scared out of his mind that I’d start coming after me.
Yet here, I don’t think there was a single instance in which the fact that there was a new villain on the scene wearing the dead hero’s name was meaningfully addressed other than asides of “we need to talk about Sidestep. I mean the new one. Damn, that’s so confusing”. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about it, including the PC. It was pretty disappointing. I’d think there could be a few pages expanding on this little branch.
For two different reasons. On an In-game reasoning, I feel like the moment that named got dropped, everything should have been flipped. I can’t imagine Ortega, or Herald, or even Steel being able to focus on anything else as long as this psychopath was running around, tearing apart heroes using that name.
On other playthroughs, it’s understandable that they consider the player a threat, but not something they need to dedicate every resource to stopping. They’re a villain, but they’re a villain; dangerous, but not all consuming.
But the moment “Sidestep” is on the scene, that saving grace is kind of gone. PC has put a target on themselves the size of Los Diablos. Would Ortega really be worrying about Hallowed Ground while this guy, this psychopath, this asshole, is running around with that name. Would Steel be alright with the PC walking free and unsupervised, either to prevent her from being killed by this guy who clearly has it out for her, or because she’s become a massive suspect. Would Harold really be so okay, and pre-occupied with all the petty crap in his life, while he’s seeing a distorted image of his idol on TV attacking his friends and co-workers? Wouldn’t he be redoubled in his efforts to become stronger, more determined, now that there’s a villain who has made this personal to him? Wouldn’t Mia have had a few words to ask about it?

On a meta-level reasoning, choosing Sidestep as a villain name is really hard.
It took me, personally, 4 playthroughs of trial and error to get my arrogance high enough to pick that name. With a guide. It was difficult, it was an accomplishment. And I think there should be rewards for dedication.
Even if the dozen scenes and plotpoints re-written only appear for a small percentage of players, I think it’d be a good reward for those few who put in the hours.
At the very least, when the Scooby Doo gang pulls of my mask and goes “Sidestep is…Sidestep!”, I’d like the option to go “honestly, it wasn’t supposed to be a secret. I told you from the beginning, like, straight up. I thought it was weird that you kept letting me into your headquarters and acting like nothing happened.”

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Giddy gob-smacked goldfish that’s a huge post! :sweat_smile:

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When I read this I thought it was a different breaking… If you know what I mean…

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just read through this and previously I was an ardent supporter of MC-Ortega ship but after reading the Argent-MC romance play through I am compelled to change ship… MC and Argent are made for each other!(literally probably?) and they both have faced similar hardships due to being different, now currently they may be platonic but I can imagine them living rest of their days in Hawaii after resolving whateveritis in Los Diablos :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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My character, seeing himself as a broken toy ultimately unworthy of love, is in love with Ortega as Adam Greene, the former sidekick Sidestep, Dr Mortum’s girlfriend as Eve the doll, and is now dating Argent as Anathema the supervillain.

It’s not cheating if you’re different people, right? :slight_smile:

I’m sure it will all crash and burn in entertaining ways.

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This just makes me realize… MC has some serious identity issues. Poor sod.

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Feel like I’m the only one dating one person in this game. Personally done with Ortega to much past baggage. My MCs dating Argent, took off the mask and everything for her.

Technically your not dating if you didn’t take the mask off, at best it’s just light flirtation. And if you do take the make off she’s now dating the MC aka Sidestep.

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not the only one :wink: you know me…#OrtegaIsLife !

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Yeah, it…never really feels like a lot until you reach the end and read over what you’ve typed.

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How I do understand… there could be only one romance here #OrtegaIsLife!
The other day I was listening to Madonna “Music” album(don’t judge me :joy:) and when “I Deserve It” started I automatically thought “Oh, Ortega…”

This guy was meant for me
And I was meant for him
This guy was dreamt for me
And I was dreamt for him

I should get a life lol

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Life’s are overrated.
#OrtegasTheOnlyRealOption

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I must be as bad as Sidestep bc a bitch literally cannot make up her mind.

Do I wanna smooch Ortega? Obviously. Okay but do I also want Argent to tie me to a chair and have her way with-- not even a question, yes. Those impulses fall somewhere between me wanting to tease Herald and make him blush and wanting to take over the known Universe with Mortum.

Basically I’m just glad we have save slots :’)

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Love this so much, the argent path has now become my canon!

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By the way, your story is so awesomely compelling. Ive been trying to take notes to help improve my own writing since Ive always felt there was something I lacked in mine. Thanks a lot!

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I’m hoping at some point the MC can fake their death, as I think it’s a pretty bad idea in general to be associated with any ranger members, perhaps the puppet or Argent can wear the villain suit and “kidnap” the MC and blackmail Ortega into doing your bidding.

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YOU HEARTLESS MONSTER! Hasn’t Ortega already suffered enough having to bury MC once? You’ll have to face Ortega fan club even for suggesting something like that! :rage::rage:

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At this point, I think faking your death a second time would be pretty hard.
I doubt any of the rangers would believe it for any amount of time.

So becoming a super-villain and public menace to society and having the option to massacre countless innocent civilians is okay, but breaking wee Ortega’s heart again is what crosses the line.

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Yes, and your point is? :no_mouth:

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