“Not bad,” she admits, shaking her hand back into shape. “But you’ll have to do better.” Her smile is all hungry shark as she moves in close, striking as you parry, moving like your shadow, impossible to shake.
“Still running away,” she taunts, not taking her eyes off you. “Not that it will help you.” Her smile is all hungry shark as she moves in close, striking as you parry, moving like your shadow, impossible to shake.
• Repeated sentence in both paragraphs
Oh… oh that was a thought she can’t have indented you’d catch.
• I thought the fact that our villain could do telepathy was still unknown? Or at least it could still be hidden, depending on our choices in the previous game. If that’s the case, then she wouldn’t intend for the villain to hear any of her thoughts, because she wouldn’t be aware of the possibility.
You can come and go as you like, and if the good doctor has time to be disturbed, he can usually be coaxed from his lab to his office, where the chairs are more comfortable, and you can have a drink without being undisturbed.
• Should be “can have a drink undisturbed” or “can have a drink without being disturbed”
You try not to sound too excited. “You could shoot a safe and then pop it back out somewhere safe? Practical.”
• Repetitive. Use something other than safe to describe the end location
Hope this is the kind of feedback you’re looking for.