WIP: Fallen Hero 2: Retribution - updated 10 September (SPOILER WARNING!)

super-powers
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice

#369

Ah, well good luck with it!


#370

Well I don’t know what’s going on here but I’m just gonna speak da truth for da peasants whispers Ortega is the best bae in da game and that is why I should be president


#371

No

Argent is da best bae because she can knock Ortega out of the ballpark with snap of her fingers


#372

Guys… Guys. Why limit yourselves to just one? Gotta smash 'em all.


#373

Ortega-MC
Mortum-Puppet
Argent-Villain
:rofl:
(TBH I want Argent for me as villain and normal washed up dude, as malin confirmed on Tumblr, You can romance Argent as MC


#374

Now that is a fun way to do the romance. And when they learn you are all the same person.
Run very fast.
At least from Argent.:laughing:


#375

My MC is just in this for power money and revenge.


#376

Just because she can fight doesn’t mean her people skills are anything compares to bae Ortega


#377

While I am firmly on Team Argent for best bae, maybe we should consider that Ortega rhymes with “Ort-bae-ga”…


#378

Literally my exact reasons.


#379

if the puppet does wake up she better not get any funny ideas about Ortega or Dr. Mortum if she doesn’t want to get whacked yo


#380

Not every puppet talk in their sleep. It’s a consequence from your cover m choices.


#381

Yeah hello, did someone order some dead sidestep memes ?

Summary


#382

Dead memes for dead lads!


#383

First off, hi everyone~

How have y’all been? I’m like a month late to this demo shindig because summer semesters at college seem chill but are super fast paced in reality and are actually hell. I’ve been doing my best to keep up with the Fallen Hero tumblr posts, but I’ve missed the CoG part of the fandom so much!

Now for feedback at the illustrious @malinryden’s request

Primary Feedback, though it's really not that bad

“You have a list. A list and a map. People of interest. How they connect to each other. There’s a list and a map and a plan. A plan… oh you like your plan quite a lot, but if you want it to succeed, you have to make sure you do what you need to do.”

Idk… this bit just sounds awkward to me in comparison to the rest of the writing around it. Like it doesn’t flow as well with the writing style you have going on?


“You’d like to deny it, but you should be honest with yourself. You wish you didn’t have feelings for him, that would make things a lot easier. You’ve had months, months in which you could have worked on severing your ties, drifting away again. You could have pretended to hate him, or just that you didn’t want anything to do with him and his world again.”

I would suggest throwing in a line break here:

You’d like to deny it, but you should be honest with yourself. You wish you didn’t have feelings for him, that would make things a lot easier.

You’ve had months, months in which you could have worked on severing your ties, drifting away again. You could have pretended to hate him, or just that you didn’t want anything to do with him and his world again.


“I thought we were here to talk about us, not about Puppet Master.” No use putting this off any longer. “I’m not sure I’m the one that’s avoiding this conversation.” The words are teasing, but the tone of his voice is soft, almost brittle. “We need to be two to talk.”

“You don’t get it,” you say with another sigh, burying your face in your hands. A moment of respite from the glaring sun. From looking at him. Because hedoesn’t get it. It’s not just that talking about your feelings goes against everything you’ve taught yourself to survive. It’s worse than that…

I feel this doesn’t flow well.

MC opens up with talking about needing to talk about their relationship, then immediately follows up with how it’s difficult to talk about because Ortega “doesn’t get it”? The MC saying “I’m not sure I’m the one that’s avoiding this conversation.” is followed up immediately by them saying and thinking things to justify avoiding a serious conversation.

Maybe if there was more of a pause/silence in between the 2 paragraphs it would flow better? Or if Ortega said something before the MC bursts out with a “You don’t get it”?

Pause

“I thought we were here to talk about us, not about Puppet Master.” No use putting this off any longer. “I’m not sure I’m the one that’s avoiding this conversation.” The words are teasing, but the tone of his voice is soft, almost brittle. “We need to be two to talk.”

You are both silent for a while, unsure of who should pick up from there. Just as Ortega opens his mouth to say something, he closes it again. Eventually you open yours and say “I know I haven’t been the most forthcoming over the years but…” You lose you words and the silence encroaches upon the two of you again.

“You don’t get it,” you say with another sigh, burying your face in your hands. A moment of respite from the glaring sun. From looking at him. Because hedoesn’t get it. It’s not just that talking about your feelings goes against everything you’ve taught yourself to survive. It’s worse than that…

Ortega says something

“I thought we were here to talk about us, not about Puppet Master.” No use putting this off any longer. “I’m not sure I’m the one that’s avoiding this conversation.” The words are teasing, but the tone of his voice is soft, almost brittle. “We need to be two to talk.”

[It’s 4am and I should be doing hw but here I am and I can’t think of an appropriate Ortega response beyond: Insert Ortega calling MC out on the “I’m not sure I’m the one that’s avoiding this conversation.” here… I’ll probably make a new post or edit this later]

“You don’t get it,” you say with another sigh, burying your face in your hands. A moment of respite from the glaring sun. From looking at him. Because hedoesn’t get it. It’s not just that talking about your feelings goes against everything you’ve taught yourself to survive. It’s worse than that…


This stuff isn't a big deal, just me nitpicking or stating my preference:

“Fuck. Are you overthinking this? You made it out in one piece, with the Rangers none the wiser. Maybe they foiled your plan, but you came off great on camera. A small setback like this won’t ruin your plans, right? Right. So why can’t you get it out of your mind?”

For spatial/story flow reasons, I would throw in some line breaks here:

Fuck. Are you overthinking this? You made it out in one piece, with the Rangers none the wiser. Maybe they foiled your plan, but you came off great on camera. A small setback like this won’t ruin your plans, right?

Right.

So why can’t you get it out of your mind?


“You sympathize with their plight, you were one of them once. Before Sidestep. Before you had grown bold enough to try to be one of them. The respectable citizens. Maybe it’s only fitting that you’re back here.”

I would italicize the second “them” for emphasis, because you don’t see the respectable citizens part until afterwards. The confusion is super short lived and minor but still there.

You sympathize with their plight, you were one of them once. Before Sidestep.

Before you had grown bold enough to try to be one of them. The respectable citizens.

Maybe it’s only fitting that you’re back here.


These aren't problems, just me gushing

“Did you really think you had a shot?” you ask, making sure to position yourself between him and the gun. “Against me?”

IDK if this was intentional or not, but I loved this pun so much. Thank you.


“…gotta use the right tool for the right job.”

10/10 pun/catchphrase use, this is the reason why I love the old superheros. Catchy phrases, puns, and oneliners


Now that that is done, time for fan theories/speculations

THERE’S NO FREAKING WAY THAT ORTEGA AND STEEL BELIEVE THAT MC IS A LOW LEVEL TELEPATH AFTER WHAT THEY DID DURING THE NANOSURGE OR WHATEVER IT WAS CALLED!!!


#384

actually there is .

Summary

Since you know…heartbreak ?

and the nano incident…seemed to be more like 'Oh no , we gonna die ’ then all out of the blue…it happen .

I think they maybe suspicious . But don’t think they know just how strong the MC is . Because even the MC doesn’t know their true potentiel and how far they can go .


#385

I’m pretty sure Ortega thinks/knows MC is stronger then they think they are, but I suppose the blurred part is exactly how much. Like, MC stopped Nanosurge but if they were the only telepath there, and the nanosurge had never hit before, how would they know the power level necessary to take it down? Maybe nanosurge was brutal but easily swayed, and malin says on her tumblr MC is beta level- not the strongest, but not exactly anything to sneeze at.
Unless they could test it with another telepath, MC could pass it off by pretending that any telepath at beta level could have taken it down if they were there at the time.


#386

Ooh true true. Good point.

You and @E_RedMark have swayed me… For the most part.


#387

from what I could tell…mc isnt the only telepath . And the heartbreak has been so far the strongest ones .

And yes , like you said…the issue is that they have none to measure it against . (save heartbreak ) , or anyone legit from Governement .

I also saw a few snippet (in the 1st book) that tell that even the mc don’t know their true potentiel . But it make me wonder if they have others power that are…well…asleep . And they haven’t found them yet . Guess only time will tell .


#388

It would honestly be amazing if our MC’s potential was basically on Professor X’s level of being a telepath.