WIP: Fallen Hero 2: Retribution - updated 10 november (SPOILER WARNING!)

gender-choice
nonbinary-inclusive
super-powers

#1

Okay, here we go.

I am putting this out here for some alpha continuity testing, because it’s a complicated labyrinth of stuff that gives me a headache and this way I can continue on pushing onwards.

What this is:

  • This is the start of book two of Fallen Hero, called “Retribution”. If you haven’t played “Rebirth”, don’t bother looking, you won’t understand anything.
  • This is chapter one, where I try to wrap up the previous book, the nine months that have passed, and give you the opportunity to set your new villain stats and all the things that comes with it.
  • This is an alpha level chapter, there is no grammar checking, spell checking and a lot of things are going to get filled out, changed and rewritten before we’re done. Be warned.
  • You can either have a randomized character or make a new character. There is no appearance set with the randomized one, I didn’t bother to add that since it doesn’t matter yet.
  • The character generator do NOT contain all character variations. A lot of things won’t matter yet and haven’t been added. You can also make character combinations you could not get in book one, that is also not important.

What I want:

  • The reason I am putting this up is to continuity test it. Don’t bother with grammar, spelling or awkward prose (pronoun errors are fine). It’s going to get rewritten anyway.
  • Please check for very long pages of text, I haven’t added many page breaks, so let me know if you find things that gets tedious.
  • The stats are meant to be able to change your character a lot (this is only in chapter one), if you want, please let me know what your starting stats and your ending stats were.
  • If you find any abrupt transitions in the text, please let me know. This is the reason why I am putting this up, with the varibles it becomes hard to predict what the outcome will be at times.
  • Any passages that makes you confused or sticks out as awkward?

Current stats June 16:

Average playthrough varies a lot, but seems to be around 8550 words long.
Word count: 119295
Word count without code: 106016

Update July 27

So, the alpha is updated!

Length including command lines: 152 152
Length excluding command lines: 136 721
Average playthrough: 18400 or so

Hunted down a lot of the things you pointed out (thank you), but there are still a few known issues I haven’t fixed:

  • Can still make an unrealistic character.
  • Lady Argent flirt/fight will be extended and less abrupt once I get in character.
  • The stat sheet is not updated for book two.

Some random new things apart from fixes and a new chapter:

  • Can now choose to have won against Argent in the past and taken sample.
  • Can steal your cape back.
  • Steel can be your rival.

Update September 10

Total words: 187690
Total with no code: 169924
Average Playthrough: 22500

  • Can now choose heartbreak scar.
  • Added content related to this and some prepwork for the next update (shrinktime!)
  • Potential big bloody reveal, so BEWARE BACKGROUND SPOILERS! One truth will be out there.
  • More content, about a third of a chapter. Dr. Mortum!

Update 20 october

Total words: 223464
Total with no code: 203924
Average Playthrough: 25412

  • fixed some continuity bugs
  • the shrink chapter is here!

Update 11 November 2018:

  • Corrected and added variables. Now hopefully the beginning relationship scenes with Ortega should work properly if friends. Also added variables for if you make Argent kill a civilian, and tidied up the interactions with her when you visit the Rangers.

  • Added variable path if you don’t visit the shrink.

  • Added post-shrink scenes.

  • Added the first of the post-shrink paths. Right now Steel and Herald’s paths are done. Working on Ortega’s. Then I’ll move on to the puppet variants, Dr. Mortum and interacting with your team/henchmen. Note, that though you will have to make a choice which one to do here, you’ll get a chance to see slightly different variants at later dates.

Stats:
255 415 with command lines
233 086 without command lines

28290 in an average playthrough.

Other than that, the rules for what I am looking for is the same as above. Just remember to include a short text snippet of the problematic section, otherwise I will never find it even if you describe the general issue.

Link:

https://dashingdon.com/go/2793

Don’t expect things to get updated quickly, this is just to get it out there and have people explore the variables. There’s a lot of things to find in there.


Most anticipated HG WIP?
Most anticipated HG WIP?
Most anticipated HG WIP?
#2

@malinryden

You remember the fear in his eyes. He thought he would die. That you would kill him. Not right now. You like to play with your victims a little more first. You’re surprised he didn’t quit the Rangers after what you did to his leg .

I suggest changing the text in the above paragraph, to the below text, as I think the re-wording makes it flow more smoothly:

You remember the fear in his eyes. He thought he would die, that you would kill him. Not right now, you like to play with your victims a little more first. You’re surprised he didn’t quit the Rangers after what you did to his leg.

When fighting the handyman.

I try to close the distance before he draws his weapon
keep my distance, letting him take the initiative

Capitalise the bolded word, for consistency with the other choices.


#3
Beginning stats

CLASSIFIED

Subject: NotSidestep

Secret Identity: Testy McSuperhero
Gender: Female
Description: An average, Latina woman in her thirties with hazel eyes and short and neat wavy light brown hair.

Testy McSuperhero is a seasoned, streetwise fighter.

Physical Status
Stamina: You are rested.
Willpower: You feel rested.
Injuries: You are fine, with no significant wounds.

Telepathy

Strength of Mind: 55%
Subtle Manipulations: 75%
Armored Suit

NotSidestep’s suit is tall and imposing, a conqueror ready to take on the world.
In its left hand, the suit has a neutered colony of nanovores functionally similar to having a disintegration touch, as well as being equipped with telepathic boosters and enhanced speed, as well as jump-jets.

Armor Status

Need Repair: 0% Fine: 100%

NotSidestep.

Infamy: 60% Obscurity: 40%

Standard of Living: You are poor.
You are living in your old, shitty apartment.

Psychological Profile

Arrogance: 75% Anonymity: 25%
Ruthlessness: 90% Empathy: 10%
Daring: 75% Caution: 25%

Main Puppet

Name: Pinocchio
Puppet Status: unknown
Description: A short, Latina woman in her twenties with brown eyes and short and wild straight black hair.

Allies and Enemies

Testy’s relationship with Ortega: it’s complicated.

Ortega and Testy: 75%

Pinocchio’s relationship with Ortega: acquaintance.

Ortega and Pinocchio: 35%

Pinocchio’s relationship with Dr. Mortum: friend.

Mortum and Pinocchio: 70%

Testy’s relationship with Lady Argent: distant.

Lady Argent and Testy: 0%

Lady Argent’s interest in NotSidestep.: 0%

Testy’s relationship with Marshal Steel: former ally.

Marshal Steel and Testy: 30%

Testy’s relationship with Herald: friendly.

Herald and Testy: 40%

Ending stats

CLASSIFIED

Subject: NotSidestep

Secret Identity: Testy McSuperhero
Gender: Female
Description: An average, Latina woman in her thirties with hazel eyes and short and neat wavy light brown hair.

Testy McSuperhero is a seasoned, streetwise fighter.

Physical Status
Stamina: You are rested.
Willpower: You feel rested.
Injuries: You are fine, with no significant wounds.

Telepathy

Strength of Mind: 55%
Subtle Manipulations: 75%
Armored Suit

NotSidestep’s suit is tall and imposing, a conqueror ready to take on the world.
In its left hand, the suit has a neutered colony of nanovores functionally similar to having a disintegration touch, as well as being equipped with telepathic boosters and enhanced speed, as well as jump-jets.

Armor Status

Need Repair: 0% Fine: 100%

NotSidestep. NotSidestep hunts the heroes of Los Diablos

Infamy: 61% Obscurity: 39%

Standard of Living: You are well-off.
You are living in your old, shitty apartment.

Psychological Profile

Arrogance: 61% Anonymity: 39%
Ruthlessness: 88% Empathy: 12%
Daring: 54% Caution: 46%

Main Puppet

Name: Pinocchio
Puppet Status: unknown
Description: A short, Latina woman in her twenties with brown eyes and short and wild straight black hair.

Allies and Enemies

Testy’s relationship with Ortega: open attraction.

Ortega and Testy: 77%

Pinocchio’s relationship with Ortega: workout friend.

Ortega and Pinocchio: 35%

Pinocchio’s relationship with Dr. Mortum: friend.

Mortum and Pinocchio: 70%

Testy’s relationship with Lady Argent: distant.

Lady Argent and Testy: 0%

Testy’s relationship with Marshal Steel: former ally.

Marshal Steel and Testy: 30%

Testy’s relationship with Herald: friendly.

Herald and Testy: 40%

The page just before the last one was a little too long, in my opinion.

Summary

Not that it matters. That you won is the only thing that does.

The wording here is a bit awkward. It may sounds better if you changed it to: “Not that it matters – winning is the only thing that does.”


#4

WHAT. Omg you just made my day. Ok, gonna play it now and will comment later.


#5

Some options missing in the book 1 status setting segment, could not input my world state.
Not sure how much this matters since this is just playtesting.

Summary

When setting the Ortega/Puppet relationship: there was no option for 'flirting, but didn’t go to the gala together.

Entering Lady Argent’s mind:
there was no option for 'yes, but it went off smoothly and I didn’t do anything extra.

Herald:
No option for humiliated him, but didn’t cripple him.

Mia Ochoa:
No option for not meeting her

Museum:
If robbing it, the text assumes failure because the ‘money’ variable isn’t set.

Text assumes failure in Argent fight because the ‘win’ variable isn’t set.
(And I have been spoiled by a variable name once again.)


#6

like they said…OMG…I’m in heaven XD

Summary

and…Mia ? is that the reporter ? you can only meet her if you go alone .

Also (robbing the gala) game seem to assume I always lose it . I never do :stuck_out_tongue: I mean there are part of the fight with Argent where you can lose it . Oh and no mention of taking a trophy either .


#7

Initial thoughts (will probs edit later for more cohesive opinions/stat checking)

So continuously robbing rich folk + gala funds = comfortable? I thought I’d have set up to be wealthy by now or is that just not a thing?

BUT LORD AM I DECEASED ITS ONLY THE INTRO AND MC GOT AN ORTEGA SMOOCH AND GOD IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY’RE ON THE WAY TO DATING IF NOT ALREADY DATING


#8

@E_RedMark
That’s a good point about the trophy not being mentioned.
Because if a trophy is taken from Lady Argent, shouldn’t Dr Mortum have found a weakness in Lady Argent by now? @malinryden


#9

@squarelyblue: That sounds odd, you should have a lot more. goes to look at the code


#10

well it’s just starting…there are alot of things missing for a good reasons . Maybe it will show later :slight_smile:


#11

Thank you for your effort, but I don’t need this kind of testing right now. This is just the alpha version, I haven’t gone through it myself yet, so no need spending time on things that will likely be rewritten when I do the beta version.


#12
Abrupt transition text

You shake your head again, tapping your helmet to bring up the HUD. Daydreaming while passing time is all fine and well, but you don’t want to screw up your current mission. Luckily you still got time, everything is right on schedule.

Just the way you like it.

In a way, becoming a villain has felt like coming home. Back when you started, you

And now…

Repeat text (testing for variables and showing two options instead of just one?)

"Everything went according to plan," you say, which is technically not a lie. You had to get off the bridge somehow, and Lady Argent was not a part of the plan, so she doesn’t count. A stern glare makes sure you are not questioned further.

“Good news, boss.” She looks happy that this is over, the relief is palpable, even if she doesn’t quite believe you.

"Everything went according to plan," you say, flexing and unflexing your hand. Lady Argent was not a part of the plan, but you dealt with her quickly enough.

“Good news, boss.” She looks happy that this is over, the relief is palpable. You make a note to avoid putting Rosie on boats in the future. Does she trust your competence? Does she doubt whether you can stay on top of things? You can’t be sure without digging deeper, but you’re picking up hints that you’re not infallible in her eyes. That might be her subconsciousness speaking, or your own paranoia, because she has no reason to doubt you.

The last page is a little on the long side.

I’m not sure if you also want things like this but

“Did you really think you had a shot?”

Made me smile. I hope the pun was intentional.

Also AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’m so stoked for Book 2 even though I know it’s going to be a while. I may do some reruns of the demo later and remember to keep track of stats this time. Oops.


#13

Amazing. The long wait will be torture… Best game ever :+1:


#14

@malinryden this is the scene in particular

Summary

Ah okay. The values shift from here to here

Summary


#15

Updated the code, made a mistake when I set the money if you didn’t pick the thief path that overwrote all previous decisions. Hopefully should work now.


#16

Maybe entering Lady’s Argent mind could be split in two decisions, since I make her like me and also saw the sharks in her mind. So, when recreating a character, I must choose between the two of them.


#17

@malinryden
Bug, when Boris picks me up.

Ready for your pickup," Bo’s voice crackles in your ear as the innocent-looking fishing boat pulls up underneath you where you dangle. “Ready for pickup?”

The bolded text shouldn’t be there because Boris is my henchmen.


#18

ohmygod the demo is out im soooo happy and pumped <3 <3 <3 replayed it 3 times because god this game is sooo good these are my final stats

Lyrain Becker

CLASSIFIED

Subject: Sidestep

Secret Identity: Lyrain Becker
Gender: Female
Description: An average, Black woman in her thirties with blue eyes and a shaved head.

Lyrain Becker is a seasoned, tech-savvy fighter.

Physical Status
Stamina: You are rested.
Willpower: You feel rested.
Injuries: You are fine, with no significant wounds.

Telepathy

Strength of Mind: 75%
Subtle Manipulations: 55%
Armored Suit

Sidestep’s suit is tall and imposing, a conqueror ready to take on the world.
In its left hand, the suit has a neutered colony of nanovores functionally similar to having a disintegration touch, as well as being equipped with enhanced strength and telepathic boosters.

Armor Status

Need Repair: 0% Fine: 100%

Sidestep. Sidestep is known as a meddler and rabble-rouser.

Infamy: 64% Obscurity: 36%

Standard of Living: You are wealthy.
You are living in your base.

Psychological Profile

Arrogance: 70% Anonymity: 30%
Ruthlessness: 36% Empathy: 64%
Daring: 71% Caution: 29%

Main Puppet

Name: Eden
Puppet Status: unknown
Description: A tall, mixed man in his twenties with grey eyes and short and wild wavy blond hair.

Allies and Enemies

Lyrain’s relationship with Ortega: open attraction.

Ortega and Lyrain: 77%

Eden’s relationship with Ortega: friend and confidante.

Ortega and Eden: 60%

Eden’s relationship with Dr. Mortum: lovers.

Mortum and Eden: 70%

Lyrain’s relationship with Lady Argent: distant.

Lady Argent and Lyrain: 10%

Lady Argent’s interest in Sidestep.: 40%

Lyrain’s relationship with Marshal Steel: former ally.

Marshal Steel and Lyrain: 30%

Lyrain’s relationship with Herald: friendly.

Herald and Lyrain: 40%

just curious though in the very first option choices in choosing what happened with argent which choice was when i beat her without using telepathy was it the third option that no, no one knows im a telepath? because im pretty sure ortega and herald do know cuz i used my telepathy on them… also the demo was great <3

Edit: also just realized

prior to this i chose the option of living where im currently using as my hideout and i still have to go home to sleep? a bit of continuity error i think…


#19

So, I think I got a continuity error? If it isn’t… its making me very confused.

I chose to have the luxury flat, but the next page, it seems like if it choose the fake company? I even have a receptionist…


#20

Will we be able to import saved data from the last game?