[WIP] Chains of Destiny: Book One (~162k words) - Last update: 2024/03/22

According to my current plans, the only poly route will be with Renna and Elaine. However, as with most things, this can change(,but this poly route is a guaranteed option). So, I might add more in the future if there is a demand for it and I feel that it is plausible within the story’s context, because let’s just say that not everyone will get along.

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Loved the demo! And i gotta say, i love your profile pic.

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Hi, I’m glad you enjoyed it, and thanks :smile:

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played my first playthrough (with cheats on :slight_smile: )with a female MC (male pronouns are used in the demo), was rough af. If this isn’t too spoilery, when will MC be able to meet up with the other ROs?
my face the whole time:
shocked-emoji-shocked

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Thank you for the feedback, and if it’s not too much trouble, could you give me an example of where you found the pronoun inconsistences? I found a few, and I will correct them when I can, but there might be a few ones I missed.

I plan to introduce Iris and Barnabas in Chapter 2, Elaine in Chapter 3, and Renna in Chapter 4

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People really need to test this wip, it’s quite good. Hopefully more people seeing this thread and stay safe and healthy

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Hey everyone!

Just wanted to drop a quick update here: This month has been a bit of a whirlwind, and I’ve been juggling quite a few things, so I couldn’t dedicate as much time to the project as I’d initially hoped.

Despite the time crunch, I’ve squeezed in some work on the second part of Chapter 1, and we’re currently looking at an extra ~23k words. Still, there’s some polishing to do—like a revision session, sorting out the parade activities, revamping the stat screen a little bit, and putting together a character info page for everyone.

I’m aiming for an early December release for the update. If, for any reason, the early days of December don’t work out, rest assured that it will definitely be out in the first half of December!

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I was playing as a kind character but looks like my mc gonna be f*"ked up as she grows. Please author, gimme the power to get my revenge :sob::sob::sob:. My poor mentor :broken_heart:.

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Another great game with a cheat mode? Awesome stuff thanks. Can’t wait to read more.

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I love the demo so far! Just a small heads up, I’m not sure if it’s intentional or not, but Juna wasn’t in the relationship screen for me, so I was pretty sure she’d die sometime soon as sad as it was. It might be better to include her bar as well like you did with Viro so other readers may not come to the same conclusion as quick as I did.

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You spoiler warning that my guy alright thx

Huge thanks for the heads up! I’m feeling quite embarrassed now, I don’t know how it slipped my notice :sweat_smile:. After looking through the code, I realized that I initially intended for a variable to check if Juna was mentioned before in the story. The idea was for her relationship bar to appear only when the player becomes aware of her existence (I was supposed to give this variable to the player anyway when she first appeared, but I completely forgot to, and currently, there is only one way to obtain it - if you choose the training clothes after the time skip). Now, I realize that hiding her relationship bar at all is entirely unnecessary and a bit stupid since Viro’s and Ben’s relationship bars are visible from the start despite appearing later in the story than Juna. I will correct this ASAP, so thanks again!

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Ah I chose the stola so that must be why! I was wondering why one of the characters bars wasn’t there by the end of the demo, but just assumed I hadn’t met them yet.

And no worries, glad to help out! Best of luck with the writing!

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Just read the demo, and oh my god… why would you do that to me? :sob:

I’m super excited for future updates and following this story, its so well written, and intriguing, and ugh… I’m so excited. Also, quick question! Have you at all considered adding they/them pronoun options? I can live without them, especially since you must have a lot of work on your plate as is, but id greatly appreciate it if you even just considered adding them!

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NOOOO! You can’t leave it there!!! How could you do this to me! XD

One thing that did catch my eye is the earlier parade segment definitely feels less polished. The first two checks being “God, I hate Children.” Or “God, I hate the world for not letting me be a child” feels like a complete departure from tone with the rest of the story, especially when it comes to how it characterizes your character.

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Bez tytułu

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Thanks for checking out the demo! I promise there’s more to come, and I can’t wait to share it with you in the coming days!

I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m not happy with how the whole parade part is written either, and a rewrite is planned after the release of the next update (hopefully, it will come with the release of chapter 2). If you have any more thoughts, feel free to share them. I’m always eager to improve to make this adventure the best it can be.

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Thanks for checking out the demo, and I’m really happy that you found it entertaining; this is my main goal (that and because I just love writing this story so damn much).

Regarding your question about they/them pronouns:

Short answer:

It’s something I did consider during the coding of the gender choice. However, I decided against it for a couple of reasons(otherwise, I would be fine with including it): I don’t find it realistic for a largely medieval society to be so advanced to accept even the concept, it just seems too advanced for the world I’m building. Secondly, I’m not researched or qualified enough to write a non-binary character in a medieval setting because if I were about to add it, I wouldn’t want it to be just a question of if they refer to you as him or them or her.

Long answer:

As I said at the beginning of the demo, I want this to feel realistic and like a real-breathing world, even with the added spice (that being magic and things that are too spoilery to mention now). They/them pronouns and gender are a different thing, however.

If it were just a matter of a choice and a variable, I wouldn’t have any problems with including it. However, as of currently, I feel overly unqualified to write a they/them character for the simple reason that I’m not researched enough. I want to be respectful and accurate in portraying such characters.

Unfortunately, I don’t have personal connections/friends with people who use they/them pronouns (it is not as widely accepted in my country as in other parts of the world), so I can’t even ask someone close to me about it to help me paint a more accurate picture. To write a they/them character in a world like mine would need to include real societal issues that we still have today and what issues (mental or societal) it can cause for the protagonist is way above my level of competence as a writer (and I don’t want to misrepresent anyone with my lack of proper understanding).

Secondly, for example, there are lore reasons for why women are accepted in the Republic as basically equals to men (Lore dump incoming): As mentioned in passing in chapter 1, the people that established the Republic were rebels of a magocracy that was ultimately destroyed by their insurrection. A magocracy is basically an oligarchy where higher positions are given to those with magical power, and influence is wielded only by people who can use magic. In this sense, the previous system didn’t really care if you were a man or a woman- As long as you had magical potential, you were considered a higher class of society, so it caused this culture to organically accept the equality of both genders as the only thing that separated a person from another is if they had the potential to wield magic or not(and how big their magical power is). After the magocracy was dismantled and the Republic was established, this idea of equality remained in their culture (now reinforced by idealistic, religious, and historical reasons as well) because, by then, it was a societal norm for a long time in their culture.

This ties into my next point, societal norms, and their influence. In the Republic, societal norms heavily influence personal identity, with a focus on virtue, glory, and adherence to established norms: In the Republic’s society, the concept of virtue and glory (adapted from the Roman virtus and gloria) has a heavy impact on their culture, which encompasses not only individual achievements but also a person’s reputation, honor, and recognition in society. Basically, for people to rise above the ranks and achieve higher recognition by their peers, they have to grow their personal glory, which has two parts - 1, personal achievement (be it military, political, or oratory) and 2, how that person conducts themselves in society. Despite being quite advanced compared to other parts of the world, the Republic has a strict societal structure and culture. Those who don’t conform to the central ideals, norms, and rules are considered outcasts (and you’re the heir of one of the most prestigious lineages, so you would be taught and forced to conform to societal norms).

So, personal identity is largely overshadowed by the need to conform to the established norms in society. This is why introducing a concept of another gender/pronoun would be really hard in the Republic’s society as of now. I’m not saying that it can’t happen, but the inclusion of they/them pronouns would necessitate a significant societal shift, similar to what occurred our the world. Introducing such a concept would be complex and would need to undergo a gradual process of societal change.

Exhale. I’m sorry for making this so long, but I’m bad at trimming things down. I hope this makes sense because I was in a flow state while writing this. :smiley:

So this is my main reason for not including they/them pronouns, but my reasoning can be flawed, and my current standpoint can be changed. Of course, I’m not against improvement or correcting mistakes if there is. My main goal is to provide entertainment for everyone, all the while crafting a realistic world, so if you have any suggestions on how to include such a concept in my work, then I’m all for it!

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Thank you for taking the time to write sich a lengthy, yet very insightful response!

When it comes to writing nonbinary characters, there arent really any set rules, i feel like (at least for the most part) you can use the same dialogue/descriptions for a female or male character, just changing the pronouns/honorifics around (for example, instead of using sir or ma’am, use ser). Im not trying to force you into adding them to the game, but when it comes to resources for learning about nonbinary people there are tons of resources online, tons of people who wouldn’t mind helping you with accurately writing nonbinary characters into your story. In fact, theres one right here, lol. But really, thank you for realizing that accurate representation is important when it comes to writing lgbtq+ characters, its an issue that is far too often overlooked. Still, I wouldnt let it hold you back from even attempting to write one!

The world building really is up to you though, there a plently of cultures different from mine and im assuming yours that dont conform to socital norms when it comes to gender. A lot of other interactive fiction stories are able to keep their medieval-fantasy grounded in reality while adding the option of they/them pronouns to the player. The easiest way to do this is to just treat it like its already normal. Trans people are already natural, its just a matter of gender norms in OUR world and in our culture. Of course, if you already have established gender roles that tie in with the world building/lore/etc, and you feel like you dont have the time or energy to add nonbinary gender roles into your story, thats up to you.

Again, i want to reiterate that im not trying to guilt or pressure you into adding a different gender options for the player. Ultimately, its your call and im sure we’ll all be happy with whatever you story you tell with or without them. Thank you for considering it and taking the time to answer, as a trans person, it means a lot!

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I think the introductions of your mother, father and Juna are a bit abrupt and lacking in detail. It would be nice to get a better impression of who they are and what they look like outside of hair color and eye color. If the MC’s mother was former military, for example, describing her musculature or any scarring she might have would add alot to her character without needing to overly explain it. Similarly for your father.

Juna in particular kinda comes out of nowhere without even much of a proper introduction, which was a bit jarring. It’s also very hard to get an idea of how old she’s supposed to be or how long she’s known the MC. I think also getting the opinion to formulate your own opinion on your family line and it’s current status of disgrace would be nice, and would probably make for a less intrusive lore dump. Having Archibald talk about your family’s history feels like it would make more sense than him just randomly start talking about Dravian History, and would make sense since the MC’s parents seem intent on keeping the MC mostly in the dark about the political situation their family is in.

Another way you could make the lore dump about Dravian History less intrusive is by having the Parade in the beginning of the story have some sort of religious significance or be some sort of national celebration. You could have the MC’s father explain about the creation myth of Dravia and it’s history when the MC asks what the parade is about or asks about a specific part of the parade that they don’t understand.

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