WIP Buried Lies (posted 18/12)

Buried Lies is a dark fantasy choice game with a few mystery and horror story elements. You play as a Watcher with a tragic past, which seems to repeat itself after years of silence.

The story tends more towards being character-driven, than plot-driven.

:new_moon: The Story

Somewhere in the remote corners of the world, there is a small Duchy plagued by long and harsh winters. If it weren’t for the Watchers, the Ducal Guard of Iswick, there would be desperation and death ruling the mountains and forests. And into this desolation, you were born.

:new_moon: The Cast

There are three romance options in the game. No restrictions.

  • Ezra, one of your Watcher colleagues. He’s rather self-opinionated and loves to bully you.
  • Daria, fellow Watcher and archer. She’s very friendly and optimistic.
  • Brook, a survivor with a plan and lots of secrets. They are quite withdrawn and tough to crack. (gender can be chosen to suit your preference!)

:new_moon: The Details

  • You can choose the MC’s gender. They can either be nonbinary, female or male.
  • Those of you who know about Feast of Fools, this is basically the fixed version. I changed the name in order to avoid confusion. Ezra, Daria and Riker made it into this game with a few changes, broad strokes of the story are the same - but I changed the setting to suit the mood of the whole game and fixed what made the game unplayable as a choice game.
  • This is a side-project and a work in progress, things are not written in stone and might change.
  • And as always: English isn’t my first language, so typos and grammatical errors might appear in-game. Feel free to point them out to me if you want to.

:new_moon: Links

Demo
Tumblr
Kofi

Feedback and constructive criticism are very welcome! :last_quarter_moon_with_face:

256 Likes

I really enjoyed reading this and cant wait to see where it goes! :grin:

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Very good! This looks super interesting. I’m excited to see more. This is going to be a demo I check every day eager for updates. Ha!

Your spelling and grammar look completely fine. The only problems I noticed were some awkward phrasings or word usage.

You skid into the middle of the bench, making space for Ezra and Daria.

I would change "skid’ to “slide” or “scoot”. “Skid” usually refers to movement that occurs even after the object intended to stop. A car skids across the road after slamming on breaks. “Slide” is more of a fluid movement. “Scoot” is close to "slide’, but it implies a bit more of a jerky movement.

You have a deep sleep.

In this context, it might be better to say “You are a deep sleeper”. “You have a deep sleep” makes the reader believe the MC has just fallen into a deep sleep.

I chose a sister but the naming flips between “Will” and “Willa”. Using “Will” as her nickname is completely fine (if that’s your intent, not coding problems), but it usually makes more sense to keep nicknames to dialogue and full name to descriptions. This isn’t a hard rule in English writing as far as I know, it’s just what you tend to see.

Brook is barely touching his plate. Only taking a few bites before deciding %he had enough.

Just pointing out the coding typo with the “%”.

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Sounds interesting, I’ll have to come back to this after work :+1:t3:

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Pretty good so far, saw some pronouns errors for brook, not sure if both male and female have the same name but I chose female brook.

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Thank you @Kezzalee @GoldenW and @HeliosTheAll-Seeing for reading!
I will look into the suggestions you made @GoldenW and the pronoun errors. I am guessing I made a few typos, my bad!

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Hey! I’ve tried your game
I find it very promising, though I think the personality stats change way too little in way too much time

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I like it, the story seems very promising, I like the characters and I can’t wait to see more. I will keep an eye on this game.

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Enjoyable.
Intriguing.
Promising.

The Eyes watch with interest.

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Now I wonder if the people who attacked all those villages were werewolves/lycans. I really hope that at least our sibling is alive. The whole death thing is always sad for me.

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fuckkhfhj already miss our sibling also you’re writing is amazing i love every single thing about this i am so excited to know more about what happened and whats going to happen and about all the other characters everythings great

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I like it very much, the writing is really clean and pleasant to read, I was genuinely sad in the brother scene.

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Perfect timing! Can’t wait for that sweet sweet annoyance. I am genuinely so goddamn sad for my MC’s brother, not even a second in, and I was attached by him. AND THE NECKLACE SCENE OMFGWas going to ask you if Riker’s going to die but he’s probably gonna die.

Summary


a little mistake

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Thank you! I wasn’t very sure with how much per cent to go :relaxed: I’ll make them higher.

Thanks, I’ll see to it :grin:

:shushing_face: I won’t tell!

Yes!! Good :smiling_imp:

Okay :+1: I wish I could say ANYTHING, but I don’t want to spoil the story. :sweat_smile:

Thank everyone so much for the kind words and for reading! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

EDIT: Fixed the pronoun errors (I hope I caught all), the awkward wording and the stats!

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When Anais asks the mc if he is okay the third option says a manage a smile it should be I . Also there are a couple times Willa was called will.

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The Will thing is one purpose! That’s your sibling’s nickname, no matter their gender. But the “I” I need to fix. Thanks for letting me know!

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I’m intrigued by Ezra. I just love bully LIs lol

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Is that… a lovable jerk named Ezra I see?! So happy to see these characters again and I’m already in love with Brook too :joy: you really know how to make your readers fall for your characters, I’m so excited to see more of them! And I love the setting too, wintry landscapes are my favorite and the hints of horror are a huge plus :eyes: and your writing is so beautiful it works together perfectly! Looking forward to more :grin:

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Nice!!! It’s HEEEERRREEEEE!!!:sob::sob::sob::kissing_heart:

Raiding is a real terror and the survivors have to cope with the aftermath. It plays really well! I was Immersed quickly into the Mc life.

So this plays on myths of the wendigo and werewolf combined? Or just me speculating… (Don’t mind me.)

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I will most certainly have to keep my eye on this one. I’m curious about where this goes.

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