(WIP) Blood/line (Indefinite Hiatus)

I like the writing and the premise, but personally it’s a bit off-putting that there’s only one set male RO, and he’s a reptile. Meanwhile, the two set female ROs are humanoids.

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Hey there!!
It’s okay that it’s long, I liked reading this!
Indeed, when the public demo is finished, I plan to work on much of the pacing. Especially for the first few chapters. I want them to contain detail and story, but sometimes I fear putting too much or too little, so I got to work on that. I agree with you, the pacing does need work.
As for how some scenes are (gargoyle lady, and how mc was found), that will be put in at some point! ESPECIALLY on how MC was found.

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I have a sinking feeling that our MC isn’t going to think about that until after we escape. :man_facepalming:

Mc: Yes, I’ve finally escaped. Now to go find my dad!

15 min. later

Agent: Lovely night for a howl isn’t… Wait, not you again!

A few more minutes later

Agent: (curled up on ground in pain)

Mc: How did you find me! ANSWER ME!!!

Other Agent: (Arrives) Sleep!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Mc: (wakes up in dorm bed)


Also, when F is going on about how evil humans are I kinda want to just be like.

“Oh really, tell me just how evil humans are Fergie? Tell me are they so bad that they’ll abducted someone from the only life they’ve ever known against their will? Is that how evil humans are Fergie?! And after they’ve kidnapped that someone will they then tell them that they can never return and see anyone they know and love ever again? Is that how vile humans are Fergie?!! Because if that’s how evil you think humans are then maybe you should take a good look in the mirror, before you start judging all of us!”

…I think my MC isn’t taking the transition very well, and I don’t know what it is, but something about the way everyone is trying to be nice just makes my MC even more angry. I guess not having someone to direct all his anger at is eating him up inside.

Also, when talking with Larry about his Language Arts degree I thought the “Suppppeeerrr Weird” choice was sarcasm, so I was surprised when that hurt his feelings.

Almost forgot, when we get our first option to flirt with the vampire it loops us back to the beginning of that page which is a long one. Maybe consider doing a page break to shorten it? I was a little thrown when she asked me to tell her how I really felt about her dumplings, and then I’m following her through the halls again to the kitchen. Lol

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Hm… :thinking:

While certainly a ‘best case’ scenario, I’m not so sure they’re going to want to be so lenient about the MC actually attempting to escape. That’s a little different than simply not being on their radar most of the MC’s life.
On top of that, hiding the horns just got, eh–more difficult?–and we have no idea if the other “little” changes would make us more innately frightful to the human population.

Like a fearmonger aura that doesn’t have to be physically scary to make people feel intense fear just by being nearby, not even in their line of sight. Naturally, I have no idea if any such thing exists in their world, it genuinely might not exist, but it pays to be cautious since we don’t know, yet, if there are any extra “powers” that come with being a suddenly bicorned being like the guy from the prologue dream, I guess. :thinking:

There’s a lot to ponder, but hopefully, even if we don’t get to see him, we are able to learn some of what’s going on with Papa Bear, and are able to let him know we’re fine, somehow. :pleading_face:

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i’m wheezing :rofl: you can just out right call a character a Himbo , i love this

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me ? making a very specific character music playlist for my MC despite only being 3 chapters in ? it’s more likely than you think

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What??? Us going listening to this???

Nooooo, that’s crazy!!!

This is so wonderful wow, incredible. Really happy you enjoy the story.

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I think you meant to post that over on The Fifth Horseman.

Aah @clementine, I love your mc’s playlist!

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Do you think you’ll make a discord ?

Probably not

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UPDATE!!!

Chapter 4 is now LIVE! You can now go through and play it!

Have a supernatural day!

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Omfg 4th chapter really took it to another level. So exited for the entire book to release :star_struck:

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oooo nooo a new chapter ?!? what a shame and here i thought was going to do some study ahhahah

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oh god the chapter was so good !!! :star_struck:

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hahahah i forgot about this


also uuuuuuuu ahahaha woops

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Wow nice update hehe and I like the twist that took place and actually gets me to thinking about what might be coming even more. Look forward to even more!

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I’m loving the new content in this update. :smile:

Got a small quibble though...

Are these really my only options when dealing with the super rare stranger that actually did kindly stop for someone signaling them on the side of the road? I’m not allowed to do the sensible thing, and be nice/polite? I have no options to do so at this point, but maybe I’ll still get a laugh out of picking one of these anyway for the time being. :joy:

Edit: Yep. It was funny. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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Mom:(calls phone) “Husband?”
Mc: “No.”
Mom:(hangs up and begins internally screaming upon realization of person on other end)

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feel like are mother has job in hell :smiling_imp:

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I would literally die for Phil, Fergie and Larry. I love this story so much, ugh. The world building, tense plot and fun feel of it all is so enchanting. I can’t wait to read more.

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