Thanks, this has been fixed! There was a space that shouldnt be there… let me know if this still shows up though, maybe its something different!
I confess I totally forgot to write this scene (I knew there was something I was forgetting)… but i am writing it and will update in circa half an hour!
edit: scene has been added!!
Although I don’t have any productive feedback to add in terms of bugs etc. (sorry!), I just need to mention how much I love this story already. I replayed it four times when I originally found it about a month ago, some scenes actually showed up in my dreams, and I was ecstatic when I saw it updated now (ecstatic enough that, after replaying it another two times, I managed to spend pretty much the entire weekend on my own project because of the dopamine shock) - so, thank you. I wish you and your project all the success it so much deserves.
Sorry if I’m being dramatic, but I really really like this story and how it’s written.
PS: Wirklich. Dankeeee
Danke das hat mir den Tag versüßt x3 Und kein Problem wegen produktivem Feedback, bin ganz froh das offensichtlich alles einigermaßen läuft 
und omg das sind mal Komplimente (und yay das es bei deinem projekt geholfen hat!! schick mir gern den link wenn du willst 
Freut mich dass du dich freust ^^
WIP-Post hab ich selber noch nicht (nur eine kleine Zusammenfassung im Interest Check Thread), weil meine Demo noch nicht lang genug dafür ist mMn - und tatsächlich habe ich bis die Motivationswelle von dir kam zwar ein paar Tausend Zeilen Code geschrieben, aber keine einzige tatsächliche Szene.
Jetzt hab ich auf einmal ein gutes Drittel vom Prolog fertig…
Ich will dir aber auch deine Kommentarsektion hier nicht kapern indem ich über mein eigenes Zeug rede, also…
i got this at error at the same spot on 2 runs
“nacht line 816: increasing indent not allowed, expected 0 was 1” sorry i cant seem to upload a picture of it
Same here, is was after the sleepwalking scene, option to continue button is “The bell wakes you up” or something along those lines, love the story so far, using Firefox on my mobile if that helps.
This error has been fixed!
Hey, I’m getting this error saying “nacht line 805: bad label n<chnacht”.
Wait, I’m confused with something (probably my lack of interpretation). Are we birds, humans or something hybrid like furries?
Humans.
The school clubs are named after birds and that stuck as a nickname for its members.
Please answer this: what made you think you were playing as a bird?
I might’ve assimilated to other story which we played as a bird (an owl I think?), so that stuck at my head. Also the whole birds references (flock, nest, names, etc) made me believe we were birds.
Then it came the mentioning of Avis Academy and the character customization (hair length/color, skin) the it came the doubt that if we really are birds.
Kinda off topic, but I’m glad you went for a modern setting (social media, phones, internet, etc), most of stories with this theme goes with 1800’s era and make me uncomfortable or uninterested.
But overall is that my impression.
Thanks for the answer!
I think that games name is Talon City (and I hate those stories that are “animals but tbh just in look its just a human society”).
And… its a bird obsessed cult so I truly have no clue how I can write that any other way. however believe me if i could i would code in wings…i love winged humans however it doesnt fit into the world so it isnt going to happen. Not gonna force something that makes zero sense and destroys my plot just cause it looks cool.
Oh there will be a sideplot (those will be unique to every school club) and in one you will actually travel through time, although that wont show up for a long time. Plus, as a 1/3 historian I would love to write more historical urban fantasy IFs but I will stick to 1890s-1980s.
This is the first time I get to play as a not-out trans person in an IF and I love that so much.
The premise is interesting and I love the aesthetics.
I think I saw some talk about this cult boarding school IF in the interest thread years ago? Good to see it out!
I have a criticism to make with the MC dialogue choices though. It’s written in a distinctly personality coded way where you can rarely mix and match. Like you could just choose a personality stereotype from the get go and read it like a novel, not an IF. It isn’t the case in every instance, but I really think adding more dialogue/reaction choice options is a must.
There are also some spelling mistakes. I keep seeing of course written as off course.
Also, I’m curious if we’ll get to spend more time with the RO of the opposite sex? How are we supposed to bond if we’re kept separate by dormitory?
Thank you, I am trying really hard to bring the aesthetics I have in mind to live in this writing!
Sorry to disappoint, but thats not mine, I started with this story a few months ago. There has been Baskerville Academy that could be what you mean? This has sadly been abandoned and I wasnt the author.
I am not sure I understand this criticism in the way you intended it? I stuck with the “clichee” reactions of angry/annoyed, nice, cold that many other IFs do as well. (Plus the reactions will differ from the sexuality so if you talk to i.e. Chase as a gay Wing MC there will be different reactions than a straight Wing MC, which I have added after I was stuck with like 8 reactions which just felt too crowded and too much for me).
I am also planning on having ROs react if Wing MCs behaviour changes (however since the Stray ROs dont know MC well I waited with their reaction until the open day however I didnt have time to write that yet). I dont know what else I could add in most cases? Except a silent MC?
English is not my first language, as I have written in the intro post, so I am thankful for any pointed out mistake. And damn I thought that by now I managed to find them all…
Dont worry, its not a prison and there will totally be opportunities to visit a opposite sex RO. With the open day and the afterparty you can already spend time with most of the ROs regardless of MCs gender (the only exception is Fuchsia with a male RO, because she is not at the party otherwise).
If I get Sel_Lee’s meaning correctly, they meant that a character who is trans isn’t suddenly against things that would more typically be associated with their birth sex/agab.
To give a highly specific example that I hope paints a clear picture: a trans woman is not any less female for liking things like monster truck rallys. It may be more associated with being a “masculine” activity, but it is just something she likes, and doesn’t make her any less of a woman.
Specific screenshot examples would need to be shared to point out where the ‘stereotypes’ of gender come in, and make those specific scenes less open feeling for case by case reader experience, but I think that’s what they were getting at expressing that it felt a little like there’s no depth beyond one extreme view vs another. No tiers, or levels stepping along variation in individuals, and their tastes.
Of course, that’s what feedback, and late game refined development is for, though it isn’t like what you have so far is wrong. I do somewhat agree that someone who is playing (or more trying to play) as nonbinary wouldn’t necessarily enjoy that route, because even someone trans could be comfortable with their birth sex without feeling like it defines them as not trans/outside typical binary perceptions. There’s a lot of variation in individuals, and I don’t hope to meet all of that in your work as an author doing this on your own, but I do see how this feedback has its own merits even if your can’t feasibly act on all of it. It’s up to you how far you’d like to go!
Though that’s present some in the demo, I as a butch trans woman didn’t find it too bad honestly. But I don’t think that’s what Sel was referring to. It sounded like they were referencing how there’s like distinct personality choice sets, like “loves cult all in”, “doesn’t care”, “hates strays”, etc, and they’re set in such a way that mixing them makes for an inconsistent character. Like you’d have to always choose the “loves the cult” choices, as an example, for the MC to make any sense, as picking one of those then one of the “hates the cult” choices doesn’t make sense with how definitive and separate they are as personalities. Like there’s no wiggle room to waver depending on circumstance or something. I don’t know how that’d be fixed, like I don’t know how the stories that manage it do so because it’s so seamless, but that’s what it sounded like Sel was referencing.
I dont think any of the choices so far have shown that MC actually hates Strays, can you name an example? And its still very early into the story, ingame like three and a half days have passed. Why should MC suddendly question what they grew up with? Even anti routes do not question that living in a cult is wrong just what has been teached is outdated and needs to change. I didnt write any reactions to the “faith” options with the Strays because they dont know what to make of MC yet.
I already coded in one choice that shows a bit more into MCs stance (i.e. is faithful but not blind, is questioning but not anti, doesnt care but still likes the routine) however only one route has that in it because it doesnt fit into others. Now I know thats not much but its there and I am thinking about how to add more choices like that.
In some routes in the future (aka next update in one route) there will something happen that gives MC a chance to think about their stance on the belief. Someone already wrote me code for tracking that but I am a writer not a coder, not even e good one, so I have to see how I can work with that.
I was mostly just broadly generalizing from what I remembered, sorry about that. Was intending to get across the kinda flavors of it all. Like the hate strays thing, mostly meaning how negatively I could react to Chase, but I recognize that it was mostly due to the homophobia stuff.
No problem! I am just trying to correctly understand what the problem seems to be so that i can attempt to somehow fix it and explain why I wrote it the way I did.
First sorry for the late reply CoG didnt show me your answer.
I am sorry to say that but non binary wont be really something that I will put in this game, as I am not non binary and dont have a clue how I would write that without stepping on some toes.
Of course certain hobbies or the way one presents themself means nothing about how they identify, but how else am I supposed to have that choice make an impact? I dislike “empty choices” and if I just wrote about a short haired trans woman who is totally fine with idk shooting, than this character will be still perceived by her peers as a “male” and treated that way. Which, to me, would feel hollow if the game didnt react that the trans woman doesnt feel comfortable being treated like a male, just because she is doing those things.
…I hope this made sense, it sounded better in my head.
I dont understand this, sorry. I am writing it in a way of how I would imagine someone who doesnt know what “being trans” means would expirience it. Like I have to word it in such a way that makes it clear to the reader what this choice is about (not being comfortable in their body/role) while also not letting MC talk about stuff they cant possibly know.
Even as a trans guy I am fated to step on other trans peoples toes because all I can use in this game for trans routes are my own feelings and how I experienced stuff in a religious same sex school, which was also shaped by me being aro and ace. Which means I already do not know how trans woman struggle or not, I can only research and hope I am writing it in a way thats okay to most.