Very niiice. Deff lookin forward to more
1 Like
“Ok. I am going to tell you the truth, and I need you to remain calm. Ok?” Na’rushalei nods; she is beginning to trust Erik a little. “We need to move you. The people that did this to you may figure out something is wrong, and while we could protect you, I think it would be better if we hid you.” Na’rushalei’s eyes begin to dart around the area as her breathing speeds up. “Hey hey hey.” Erik soothes her as she wraps his cloak around her body. “It’s going to be ok.” He points to you. “That’s my cousin, Adam. She has friends that can hide you. I am not going to force you, though. Do you want us to do that?”
Pronoun mismatch, I was playing a male character.
“Sitting next to her is Adam.” You raise a hand in greeting to the Thu’anayn as Dravin speaks. “he is one of our best fighters. If you ever need anything in that vein just petition his for help, him skills are impressive”
Should be him and his respectively.
You burst forward while pulling your dagger from your waistband. With a sing, precise strike you slam it into the left side of his neck. Blood splurges over the knives grip as the tip rips through the other side of his neck. His dark eyes look up at you as blood pours from his mouth.
Should be single.
2 Likes
This IF is a MASTER PIECE oh man 
1 Like
There are going to be way more choices down the line. Right now I just want to get all the romance paths sorted. Once they are all locked in, I plan for the story to expand in multiple different directions and have you be able to influence dialogue more. It’s possible I even go back and add to the sections already there.
As for being friends with ROs you’re not romancing, it will be possible but will take into account which character path you are on. For example, if you go down Chloé’s path, it will be very hard for you to be friends with Cassian. And once Hemah gets introduced, it will be hard to remain friends with Na’ru if you choose his path.
13 Likes
Nice, it makes sense to do that first. I will say though that this is a good amount of content for 90k words because i expected a shorter read. Still, overall it’s a nice read and I’ll be following this story. Keep up the good work author! :))
3 Likes
Honestly, the hole sister thing is cringe as hell, could not really make it through the story.
1 Like
Who’s Kayn Gray? I can’t remember when we first met him.
2 Likes
He’s the guy your character beats the stuffing out of during what should have been a harmless training spar.
Hence the option to apologize.
7 Likes
This IF seems to railroad too much. It would have done better as a novel than an interactive fiction ngl.
I approached it as an IF so when I realised that choices are few and faaaar in-between and the few choices that we do have is either variation of the same thing or has zero narrative implication within the story my interest kind of slipped ngl. If I had approached it as a novel, I would have enjoyed it a lot more.
I am not a big fan of how the romance is implemented either. It’s just super clunky. Where the lock-in is placed just makes no sense to me. It is placed so early in their relationship that it doesn’t make sense to have this big decision. “You have met a total and complete stranger. Do you want to have the romance to be strictly between you two for the rest of the story?” And it is placed where you might have wanted to do one thing but because this decision is a romance lock in, now you can’t make this decision because it will railroad you into a romance. There is less opportunities to express your character than in most (if not all) COG and HG IFs. So, there is not even a lot of RP value to be found in here.
There is also a feeling that the author had a clear idea of who the MC is, and they just sprinkled in very superficial choices that all ends up forming the same character.
Again, I feel like this would do a lot better as a novel than an interactive fiction. Telltale games at least pretended to give you choices that would drastically change the story.
12 Likes
If so, can you make it that the ROs are based on the MC preference whether is be male, female, non-binary… So as the arranged marriage
2 Likes
You had me at ‘wielding legendary weapons’.
Also damn, a lot of stuff happens very fast.
2 Likes
This topic was automatically closed 60 days after the last reply. If you want to reopen your WiP, contact the moderators.