You’re all good. I honestly didn’t know that was a style Ai used. I’ve been disconnected from all things writing for the past few years, so it just means to me I need to try a different style or edit my style, which I don’t have a problem with.
Plus, this is my first story I’ve written in choice script, so the spacing and everything is a learning curve to me. And the code, I can’t count the times I’ve had an error over a space or a tab that is wrong. But hey, I want to learn, and I appreciate the feedback.
I do hope in the future you do check back on the updates and see if you like it.
I’m glad to hear it! Welcome back to writing, I hope you’ve been enjoying it!
Yeah, unfortunately, AI has largely been trained on things like: short, easy-to-read, choppy (or “punchy”) sentences, “it’s not x, but y”, the rule of three, extremely gratuitious em-dashes (to the point that they’re everywhere), water metaphors, things “tightening” (rather than a character clenching their jaw or fist, they “tighten”. Instead of someone sucking in their stomach, it “tightens” as well.) “Thickened” is another odd one that it has grabbed as well, for some random-ass reason I’m not sure about.
It’s crazy to see how much it has grabbed, but unless you suddenly start having everything be a testament, journey, instinctual, “with practiced ease”, “surgical efficiency”, or someone “commits” to “violence/brutality” (rather than actually throwing a punch) and everyone/everything is suddenly a predator, those words alone aren’t immediately indicitive of AI. XD
The spacing is no big deal and coding is honestly a bitch to learn, no matter what coding language you’re using. I’m starting to work on something in Twine and I can only imagine that ChoiceScript has to be as much, if not more of, a pain in the ass to figure out! Just because I’m not a fan of things right now definitely doesn’t mean I won’t come back to see how things are going and check out the demo again once a few updates have dropped~
Thank you!! And I hope you enjoy using Twine for your story. I did try writing in that 4 years ago but my story i wrote got deleted and it sorta killed it for me. So now I’m trying choice script.
But the world this story takes place I have built for over 5 years. I’m just telling a story of one of a few people i wanted to share. Depending how this story goes. I hope i can share more of it.
And i agree with the code. I’ve accidently created so many loops way before I posted the demo. XD
I personally say, this is a pretty ambitious and very good story. Pretty much the greatest hero becomes the most wanted villain in the eyes of the people.But most eye opening vigilante
As of right now, Songbird’s primary power is their Sonic Scream. As the story progresses, you’ll have opportunities to expand and specialize that ability in different ways. I’m still working out exactly what those specializations will be, so I don’t want to promise anything specific just yet.
The gear system will also be expanded. The equipment available in the demo is just the starting point, and more advanced tools and upgrades will become available as the story progresses.
Oh, I totally agree. I wanted to try something a little different, since I’ve only seen this kind of premise explored a handful of times. And honestly, who doesn’t enjoy morality choices without obvious “green = good” or “red = evil” indicators? I want players to decide for themselves what kind of person Songbird becomes. I’ll also be adding a bit more context to certain parts of the demo, hehe.
Hi! I hope it’s not a bother that I ask that, but I’ve searched both here and on tumblr and I seem to be unable to find the answer (please tell me if I’m just blind!) - will we have male/NB ROs too? The intro post here doesn’t detail ROs, and the one on tumblr mentions two female ones and that there are two more to come, but nothing about who they are, and the only non-female character the intro talks about already has a family.
Obviously if that’s not planned that’s perfectly fine! I just prefer to know before I start playing since I only pick male or NB ROs!
Hi!! No, you’re not blind. I posted this before I realized I couldn’t add it to the intro post here.
But I don’t mind answering. There will be a male RO, and the last RO will be selectable as male or female. It’ll be a few more days before I give more info on these two ROs. I want to do the descriptions justice for these two, so that is why no info has been provided yet.
Also, in the next update, I’ll be sharing more about the romance options and the different paths you can take as Songbird.
What a good idea to have this as a premise. Beginning this story after the hero has fallen is a breath of fresh air and immediately poses questions about what has happened to Songbird. I also appreciate the fact that the emphasis is not only on saving the world again but also in the area of rebuilding a life and uncovering a conspiracy and dealing with former allies.
Here are some points that I found quite interesting:
There’s a strong opening hook that I want to learn about who betrayed Songbird.
Living a civilian life and keeping a secret identity can make for some good choice opportunities.
The friendships with past Nova Guard members seem like one of the strongest aspects of the game, which could be interesting if the two characters have different attitudes depending on the actions they took.
The question of Songbird’s actual talents and the conspiracy is intriguing without divulging too much.
Perhaps it would be best to first introduce supporting characters in the early chapters before dropping a load of mysteries on them. Some of the emotional scenes and surprises will be even more powerful if the players have some time to get back into the characters.
In general it’s a promising interactive SFX experience. Unlike other prequels, the premise is interesting, the stakes are personal and I can’t wait to see how the mystery and character relationships develop over the next few updates.
