White Light (WIP) Updated 3/3/2019

[pastel]

@Babisko I just wanna say this game is incredible already and I can tell you worked so hard on it! And this is a romance makes this game even better than it already was! I love romance!

And I kinda also have some typos? Not sure if they are though?

When you pick the Girls night out or Boys Night out choices. Both the options don’t have periods, when you pick the MC’s name the choices don’t have periods either. And one more when Leander’s hyperventilating and one of the choices says to relax there’s no period there.

But that’s it! Not really sure if those were typos but hopefully its okay I pointed that out! Keep up the great work!

[Babisko]

I’m glad you’re enjoying it! About the typos- I’ve never been sure if choices like that needed periods so I tend to go back and forth.

But, I’ll go ahead and add periods, to keep it consistent if nothing else. Thanks for keeping an eye out and letting me know!

[Victoria_Princess_An]

After meeting Leander my mind kept screaming ‘must protecc!’ lmao. I don’t know much about him but I already love him. And man the action parts were soo good, I got really into them, when those weird vanishy guys were coming close to our car, I actually shouted ‘drive dammit’ to my phone, haha. I can’t believe I didn’t find this wip till now since I’ve searching the entire forum for games with good romance(most of the time), can’t wait to meet the other ros and read more! Thank you for making this and good luck with your wip

[Babisko]

I’m glad you’re enjoying it! I’m not much of an action writer so I’m glad it’s turning out well.

The next update will have a couple more scenes with Leander, as well as the introduction of the next RO, I’m hoping to have it out within the next week!

[Babisko]

I’ve finally got an update out! It’s half of the first chapter, and gets all the way to the introduction of the second RO, hint- knock on the door if you want to meet him.

Unfortunately things are a bit slow going since I’m having some computer issues and having to replace parts. I was gonna wait til I had the entirety of the first chapter done before publishing but I have a few worries I’m going to lose all my work and my back ups will fail (and I can’t do much with a usb and a phone, so…).

Anyway, I editted the first post to show what’s updated. The second RO’s intro is a bit rough around the edges and I’m planning on tweaking it at least a little as I finish out the chapter.

If you guys wouldn’t mind keeping an eye out for certain things, I’d appreciate it. My concerns are-

1 Choices. I know there aren’t a lot of them, but I want to make sure they’re reasonable. Let me know, especially at any specific points if you feel there is another option you’d rather take, and I’ll look into including it.
2 For those that are checking out the Leander route, if you choose that you’re interested in him and make non-bad decisions (They should be pretty obvious so I’m not gonna list them all out), you end up seeing a few extra scenes. My worry is that it’s a bit too much in the beginning.
3. Also, considering how character focused I’m planning on making this, I’m wondering about how explicit I should make it be. It’s something that could be completely skippable but would probably land this game in the adult section.

Concerning romance! Another thread clued me in to something, and I want to make sure you guys are aware that you don’t have to say you’re interested in an RO right off the bat. If you don’t it’s not going to cut out the romance with them completely, you’ll have more options down the line. The only thing is you might miss out on some scenes. (though, romancing later might show a couple new scenes.

I’m not gonna hide this behind a spoiler because it’s something I would really love to hear everyone’s thoughts on- to be honest I’m a little lost on what I want to do as the traits/skills. I don’t particularly want to go the conventional route (Strength, charisma, etc), but I’m worried that the stats I do have might be underwhelming. So far the biggest ones come from the first question Leander asks you (the elemental one) but for the most part it’s more flavor text (how you react to things, or what the choice says (though the outcome remains the same) rather than have an emphasis on the story.

Currently, how I’m writing it I guess it plays out more like a story than a game (though the choices do matter, don’t imagine otherwise). Honestly I don’t mind writing it like this but I want to hear from you guys because I don’t want it to come off too easy or boring or something.

[ghostsnwitches]

So I played the update and I didn’t find any issues. The only thing would be here:

Summary

I think you mean “in a more than platonic way” ? “In a less than platonic way” would mean well…not that much.

Regarding choices, I think a way to add more would be by adding some flavor choices. They don’t have to mean that much to the story as a whole but they can add variability to the way the MC interacts with the characters or thinks about the situation for example. Dialogue options that include shy vs outgoing etc. I think this would fit really well with the story. Especially since it’s very character focused as you mentioned.

One time I thought more choices would’ve been welcome was when there were footsteps and we could either look for another way out or go with Leander’s idea. This could actually be a very good place to set up some more stats. You could add hiding to increase stealth for example. If stealth isn’t even a planned stat then forget it but something along those lines would be interesting. So yeah, choices that don’t lead to a significant split in the story are still very much welcomed.

I’m going down Leander’s route and I think the pacing is fine! This is pretty personal though and not everyone will agree. A way to change that would be to add different ways in which the romance can play out maybe? You’re already sort of doing that by letting players start the romance later which is great! Another thing you could do is add more dialogue options that can go from flirty to shy to oblivious etc.

As for how explicit some scenes could get, this is 100% up to you and what you are comfortable with! If you’re comfortable writing explicit scenes and feel like you wanna do that I think it would be fine since as you said it would be skippable. Not all explicit scenes actually land your WIP in the adult readers thread though. It really depends on how explicit you’re thinking. Personally I wouldn’t mind the WIP being in the adult thread.

I’ve mentioned this already but I really don’t mind flavor text or the stats being there for variability rather than actually playing a big role into the story. I actually even think it might be better this way. To be honest most people here prefer when it’s more story than game. Not all but a lot (at least from what I’ve gathered) so I don’t think you should worry about that. I really like what I got to read so far and definitely don’t find it boring!

All my suggestions would add quite a bit of work to the WIP so really don’t feel like you have to actually go through with them. Anyway, good luck with your computer issues. Crossing my fingers for you! Losing files really sucks.

[K_Moore]

What I read in chapter one

[Babisko]

Whoops! English is hard D: (mostly I’m just dumb). But I got the platonic thing fixed, thanks for catching that!

I’ll definitely start opening up dialogue responses, especially to encompass more personalities. I’m gonna go back through in a bit to see about adding more variety.

Stealth isn’t a bad idea, I’ll keep it in mind though I can’t guarantee.

I’m pretty excited on getting into the meat of the character romances. I won’t really be able to until around chapter 2-3. Like you mentioned I’m planning on there being a variety of interactions.

For the explicit scenes, I have something in mind for the story that might toe the line so we’ll just have to see!

I’m glad you’re enjoying it though, and thank you for giving me some things to think about!

@K_Moore That first picture (with the city) is actually super close to what I was imagining (aside from the moon over it). I have no idea what the last one is though.

[K_Moore]

I was using the last image as a way to show how the light was spreading throughout the crowd. And to show that your hair raising writing is similar to that of the movie “annihilation” for me.