So I know this is really shallow, but the first thing I look at after the summary is the word count. Yes I know that quantity doesn’t correlate with quality too much, but I typically like longer IFs and if it has a bigger word count it might mean that the story is longer which gives me time to get really invested in my character and the story.
Do you have any examples of IFs that have engaging ‘slow’ starts? How do these engaging ones compare to the ones that can’t get you engaged?
One of the most recent ones that hooked me is The Fog Knows Your Name:
Opening of The Fog Knows Your Name
The legend goes like this…
Since the residents of Arbor Isle, Maine can remember, people have died when the fog rolls in. Some say the land didn’t want the colonizers, so it sends the fog as an agent of vengeance. Some say the Devil himself lurks in the woods, and turns into the fog in order to corrupt the innocent and take their souls. Others believe the fog simply drives people mad, causing them to enact violence onto each other and onto themselves.
There is one element of the tale that remains the same in every telling: those who lose their lives to the fog are guilty of wronging another without confessing to it. Those who admit to having caused harm walk in the fog untouched, while those who refuse are punished for it.
At least that’s what that one ghost hunting television show that came through to film a couple of years ago said, but their episode on your hometown was really boring. They went running around the woods at night spooking each other and trying to exorcise ghosts, except those ghosts were really just some kids from your school who went out to mess with the crew. Rex Keller and his friends followed the suckers and hid in the bushes, making weird noises and drawing symbols in the dirt until they got sick of it and went home. The ghost hunters determined that they had released the poor souls of the damned, and that was that. They got another happy ending for their show.
Except Rex Keller died six months ago. Not all tragedies are ghost stories, though.
This could be considered “slow” because it’s all exposition; no action happens on the page; the player-character themself does not even really appear as a moving agent. But I love it because it sets up my expectations and understanding of the story in a succinct way, and it gives context and nuance in just a few paragraphs. The story is going to take place in a creepy small town in Maine. It has to do with mysterious horror-story-like fog. A boy has died (presumably the main conflict of the story, which is engaging and intriguing). And we know just from this that the main character (and most of the cast) are high-school aged. Okay, information delivered, all very interesting, sign me up. It’s a hook that does its job well.
A “slow” opening that personally did not grab me (although it fits what I said above, a character starting their day) was in Gilded Rails.
Opening page of Gilded Rails
It’s 1874, and the times are good. Everybody is getting rich, unless they aren’t, and you are set to take over a railroad. Society is full of wealthy people throwing fancy parties, satirists, progressive thinkers, innovative artists, and cunning inventors.
Competition in the business world is fierce, and the railroads are strangling the farmers and poor people who depend on them. To change the course of the industry, you’ll have to stand up and take charge now. It won’t be easy.
No, really, this is very hard. Speak up now if you’ll need help.
Are you up to the challenge?
This is too broad or general to really be a “hook”; it’s more of a summary or blurb. It does technically give the context I want, but it’s hard to feel grounded or relate to the player-character because it’s so general. I do receive information about the setting and world, but I don’t feel invested in the character’s personal story the same way I am in the Fog Knows Your Name.
But to be absolutely fair, this first page also seems to be for determining the difficulty setting for the rest of the game. So if we look at the actual hook/first page:
Hook of Gilded Rails
Five seconds ago you were comfortably ensconced in bed, four elegantly carved posts rising around you, the canopy overhead sheltering you from the morning light. The canopy which was overhead but is now, more accurately, above. Or around. The correct preposition doesn’t matter so much as the fact that it has fallen on top of you, and now you are wide awake.
Why did this happen?
- I just woke up. I cannot possibly be expected to answer questions like that at a time like this.
- It’s an omen. Today is destined to be a delightful disaster.
- It’s an omen. I’m meant to be out of bed already and starting the day.
- My cat is part demon. I’m sure it’s responsible somehow.
This still doesn’t really do it for me personally. The choices don’t tell me much about the story, the world, or why I should be interested, and the “waking up” part lacks enough context that it’s just a bit bland. That’s just my opinion, though!
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I’m not too big on stories that start with action. What makes action sequences interesting to me is the tension, the stakes involved. Knowing that one wrong move could mean death for the characters I’ve come to care about. But when you put these action sequences at the beginning of a story, all of that just…disappears. I don’t know these characters, what they’re fighting for, what happens to them if they win or lose.
As @rinari mentioned, IFs have an even bigger problem with this, because you’re supposed to be making choices in the midst of action, but you have absolutely no idea what is going on, or what impact these choices might have.
Other than this, I don’t really prefer one kind of hook over another. As long as it gets the tone down confidently, and has an interesting premise, I’ll continue reading it. As someone else mentioned, Choice of Rebels is a great example. It’s powerful and riveting, hints at future events without giving too much away, doesn’t info-dump (in fact, the prologue doesn’t really explain any of the terms used in it, which feels really immersive because the MC feels like a part of the world, instead of someone narrating a story about a different world) and all the choices have enough context provided for making them.
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I’m on the same page with you. Even though I love action IF, I don’t want to start with action. It should build, the characters should mean something before you just plop them in a battle. Like, “Your best friend Alex was just killed!” Who? So what? Don’t even know who this dude is. Bottom line, start slow, pick up speed.
It’s not about action. It’s about opening a story raising stakes, raising questions.
In the case of a murder mistery novel it’s not required to start with the victim’s struggle against the aggressor (action), but maybe start with the finding of the corpse (stakes/questions).
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