Great start! I like the characters so far and love where the plot is going. Look forward to seeing more.
I like what you have so far.
I do want to caution you a bit, you will need to give extra special attention (and time) to the external vs. internal reactions of the MC with this kind of story. I obviously do not know what your plans are, but from what I’ve read already, I was questioning it a little so, thought it might be good to bring it up.
for example- The part with Sydney, when they talk about “being paid to care” externally on the outside seems fine, but internally on the inside such a person as the MC, would likely have a much stronger and different reaction perhaps anger and/or feeling really hurt that they’d try to cover up and not show- that is if I’ve read it correctly and if not then uh my bad I guess?
So yeah, it’s good, but be careful of such interactions and you’ll be golden.
Thank you all for the nice words! I’m glad you seem to be having as much fun as me haha There have already been a few Tumblr followers even, which is pretty surprising. I realize posting this on a Sunday evening was not the best time, so I’m glad there’s still been some feedback.
@catsmoke Look, let me honest - I’m not sure what you’re talking about? Maybe it’s my sleepiness (it’s almost midnight where I am), but, if I understand correctly, you don’t believe the MC is reacting properly to thinking Sydney doesn’t really care about them?
If so, I’d like to say that I thought their internal dialogue makes it clear that they don’t fully trust Sydney (even though the latter is trying sooo hard ) and that part of the reason is that, well, it’s Sydney’s job.
What do you think is off here? Genuine question.
Okay, first please know I meant for that advice to be more general rather than specific, with that as a good example of the kind of interactions I meant.
What you wrote is not really a wrong reaction exactly, every mind and experience is truly different afterall. However, speaking as a survivor who does have issues, I might react differently. That specific line, to me could easily be interperated instead as “you are so worthless, pathetic and so far gone, that nobody could ever pay enough to care, not that anyone could care for you anyway” even if that’s not what Syd was actually saying. Now, following that, a person who has been through that kind of life, would be likely to feel strong anger and/or hurt at that those thoughts. That’s is how someone from MC’s background might react internally, but try to show next to nothing. That is just from MY experience though.
I was just trying to say that that is the kind of stuff you should think about when writing those kind of scenes.
I’m not sure if I picked up on the not trusting bit honestly, as I default to not really trusting people, so I can’t comment on that part of your question fairly. I hope I cleared up your confusion though.
I liked the characters and your idea so far Good luck on your progress!!
Thank you for the input! Everyone reacts differently, as you said, but I’ll be sure to think about that.
This is interesting when do we use our elements
Right now, the MC is a bit weak regarding their elements (thanks, mom).
Don’t worry, though. You’ll get your powers back eventually.
I’m hooked. Can’t wait for the update!
I dig this for sure. Very well written and I’m also a huge sucker for the vulnerable protagonist kinda deal. Can barely wait for some delicious updates!
I like the fact that the mc has a nervous tic and that we get to choose what it is. I love little details like that, and the rest of the demo is well-written too.
I love your way of writing! It’s nice to have a character with a lot of emotional baggage. The MC’s mother had me kind of worked up because I gravitate towards those types. The characters had a lot of personality for a demo. Please keep on keeping on!
@DevilTheCupcake @Pigeon Thank you so much! I’m glad people seem to be enjoying this And I agree, I love it when games give us the choice to little details like that. The MC is an (understandably) anxious person, and the tics are a way to channel that. It’s not like they could have any vices anyway haha
@Jethrone_Powers thank you! If there’s one thing the MC definitely has, it’s emotional baggage Weirdly enough, I’m glad Celeste ticks you off - that’s how the MC has felt their whole life lol
I really like what you write and the way you wrote it, not to mention the content
You did a great job
I am so in love with this game already!
I’m really enjoying this so far and am curious to see how the MC deals with their mother in the coming chapters. I’m also interested in seeing how you play with the stats you’ve set up and how they’ll affect gameplay. Other than that, I love how most of the next buttons are actually contributing to the story!
I think the only thing I was actually confused about was the Medallions, since they were mentioned a few times and I didn’t actually realise they were a type of drug until about halfway through.
Good luck with the rest of it! I’m definitely looking forward to seeing how this story plays out.
@Olivia_Murrell Thank you so much! That’s so sweet
@FantaPop Playing with stats might be one of the more interesting, if challenging parts. I’d like to let the player have agency and not feel like they have to stick to one type of MC for the entire game while still having different interactions depending on how you’ve been playing.
Thank you for the kind words and the feedback! I hear you about the Medallions. My intention was to keep it a bit mysterious in the beginning, but I’ll definitely reread what I wrote and see if it comes across as more confusing than interesting.
So far, the game seems really cool! It’ll be really fun to see where this goes. I like the player character a lot- they aren’t just some blank slate we can fill in, but a character all on their own that we can change, and their character is written pretty well!
Thank you! I’d like for the players to be able to play as they’d like while still remaining true to the MC’s personality. They’ve been through a lot, after all. I’m glad you like it so far I think MCs who aren’t blank slates aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I’ve always preferred them. It makes things much more interesting.
You know I usually have a really hard time connecting with characters who come from financially privileged backgrounds but I slipped into this one really easily! Great job! I know what you mean about black slate MCs, but this character felt very substantial to me without me feeling disconnected. Like I could easily play this as a crafted character or even just as “me” and I think that’s a cool thing to be able to accomplish!
I really liked Sydney and Dani too! I’m looking forward to meeting the others. Also, I’m a sucker for Sad Character Learns the Power of Friendship lol I am here for it. And excited to see where it goes!