I loved everything so far!!! Just a quick note, the moment the MC and their son get turned is a little to fast-paced, I think you could give us more details since its a crucial moment for the story.
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this is a very great WIP acedog it got me hook straight away and if this WIP is a side project i can’t wait for your main project anyway keep up the awesome work and good luck 
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Howdy! I think this here is a fantastic premise for a story and am completely intrigued by it! I’m feelin’ Kill Bill with werewolves. And Pigeons. Don’t forget the Pigeons…Anyway I can tell this is going to be fantastic.
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This is something I never knew I needed in my life until now! But seriously I love the story so far and will definitely look forward to reading more! (I’ll be sure to follow your tumblr as well!) Keep up the good work!
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It would be nice to kill the whole wolf pack due to the MC’s family being killed. If I was in that situation I would so do that. Mostly because I’m pissed and depressed. I’d rather be a lone wolf than be part of a pack after what happened.
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To me and actually surprised they didn’t kill the both the adults and kept the kid training a child to be a foot soldier and being ruthless as them the best way you’re plan to be the bad guy pretty much you get a broken kid to be your tool I know it’s a cold hearted but that’s what people do in the real world it’s heartless and cold sometimes but I can’t wait to know why they kill the child
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I really like how emotionally powerful the demo is. Especially how you made a sympathetic MC yet allowed us to be empathetic (there are some stories that I’ve read where trauma is used only as a plot point, not as something for me to connect emotionally with and understand the character). Your descriptive telling of their relationship and the going-ons around them was done quite well, but i felt like there were moments where it would’ve been better to summarize it since there were sentences that felt more like space fillers. Like in:
(Yes, I plan to charge after this don’t worry
)
This can be written as:
You and your husband had always encouraged your son’s curiosity. All summer long he had been fascinated by the tadpoles near our house, watching them swim every chance he gets.
Brushing off some grass from your knees, you walked over to your son.
“I’m going to be a lizardologist when I grow up,” he declared like the proud seven year old boy that he was, “I’m gonna study all the lizards in the world and-and I’m gonna name one after you!”
wouldn’t it make more sense if he said frogologist instead of lizardologist here, if were following the same line of thought mentioned in a previous comment?
He had giggled and ran to hug you.
It’s a testimony to your time and effort put into this, but i suggest for you to be more stingy with your words, in a sense, where you show us the way to how you want your story to be understood but also give us the freedom to go beyond, or not, what you make us see. Gosh idk if that made sense hahahaha anywaysssss~
Based on my personal experience, as you continue on with the way you tell the story, its gonna get harder and harder for you to show the world and the interactions within because you’ll only end up asking yourself “was this enough description?” And i tell you, its gonna be a whole different kind of hair-tearing, butthole-puckering craziness (or not, gosh i really hope not, its a very frustrating experience). So, this is really ironic but- be concise when being descriptive isn’t called for. It’ll be difficult in the beginning, but as you continue writing, it’ll become a great asset
Personally, i find it easier to read smaller and/or spaced paragraphs unless it is absolutely necessary. Especially considering that most people will read in mobile, i think it’ll be to your advantage if you space them out since readers will be able to focus more on the story.
Also:
The well in the first and second paragraph threw me off and i had a little bit of trouble getting immersed back into the story for a few moments. It’ll be better if you just take out the “well that was enough…” since it doesn’t really add anything to the story.
Plotwise, everything I’ve read so far is really interesting and im looking forward to more of your worldbuilding.
As a prologue, this was a really engaging start to the story. Although, I’d have preferred to more interaction with the child because instead of feeling sadness with their death, all i felt was suddenness and a little bit of a “oh okay”. But yes, considering that it was only a prologue, its understandable that that was the feeling i got. Which is a kudos to you btw because i totally forgot that it was JUST a prologue. The amount of investment you made me put into the story without me even realizing it is crazy. You got skills boi
With that being said, i’m excited to see more from you. Keep up the amazing work!!
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aaaaaaa!!! thank you so much!!! I really appreciate this feedback (I can tell you one of my problems has always been describing too much when it could be simmered down to something simpler XD) and frogologist definitely fits better so that’ll be a change i make for sure
after the description, i think i will get rid of that line, i honestly didn’t know how to transition away from the description so its nice to know I can just omit the line anyways. I know down the line I’m going to add in more kid interactions via memory
thank you again!
Also this week I do plan on plotting out the RO’s for the game so sometime this week I’ll be adding their descriptions onto the main post while I keep working on this wip : )
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Intriguing - and heartbreaking - so far!
There is a bit of a mix-up with the spouse’s pronouns, though. When your spouse is Iris, it says “hers” when it should be “her” in a number of places. I have screenshots if you need them, but I think it’s because of a missing variable - you have one for him/her/them and one for his/hers/theirs, but you need one for his/her/their as well.
Looking forward to seeing where this goes 
!
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What, that’s it?! That’s one hell of a cliffhanger. 
Left me in the saddest part. Now I want to see what happens next 
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Really good so far I can’t wait to see more. Wish we had a little bit more time with the kid before he died but it’s understandable since this is only the beginning. Can’t wait to see what else you have in store definitely one of my new faves
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Are their going to be a lycanthropy-based society, and organization/groups of people actively trying to get them or regulate? If there are, how’ll will you write them.
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aaa thank you! that is definitely a variable mixup so thanks for bringing it to my attention i really appreciate it!
There are some lycanthropy-based communities, but they’re more like small towns that have established a werewolf only sort of policy. It’s most common that these towns are just one really big pack, but sometimes it can be just a bunch of werewolves who want to get away from people and be with their own kind. The government does regulate monsters, I plan on working that in more with chapter one. So that there aren’t any spoilers all I’ll say is once a monster is created (either by being turned or something along those lines) they have to register at their local DMV. On top of this, there are monster/bounty hunters to take care of the “worst” but you know what they say about power.
aaaa thank you so much <3 i am working on the update for chapter one, just a lot of planning and figuring out where I want each path to go. Hope I can get the update to ya soon
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Minor Update: I’ve added in the stats page finally. I’ve been struggling with some major writers block but I’m hoping to have another (actual major) update in 2 weeks for ya’ll. I have most of chapter 1 plotted out, its just writing it and fixing up some things in the prologue
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I guess I will just wait the two weeks for the major update before playing through again…
May I suggest letting your fans or followers suggest changes that they think would help?
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Oh totally, I’m all for suggestions if you have any. I know I am going to revamp the prologue for sure, but totally. If you have any suggestions feel free to drop em here or at the tumblr
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Urrr i-if the spouse and MC are same sex, where is the son come from?
Sometimes Hermes looked just like Graham. They both were just covered in freckles head to toe against their tawny skin. When Hermes was really little you and Graham would kiss all his little freckles and just laugh while he giggled and wiggled around.
Because if the son is adopted then the similarities seem a bit off to me… or is the similarity the reason why they adopt him?
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Surrogate maybe?
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I’ll definitely be explaining this more when I revamp the prologue, but yes if MC and spouse are the same sex the son will be from a surrogate with spouse being the main donor so to speak.
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