Welcome to the Circus (WIP) - very small update! 15/01/2019

young-adult-fiction
low-fantasy
gender-choice

#42

cool premise. here are a few errors i noticed, along with some suggestions.

the repeated usage of the in this paragraph is a bit redundant. i believe removing at least one (the clouds) would make it run a lot smoother.

this is also repetitive. instead of light to light the way, you could write light to guide the way.

3

grammatical error. it should be burns, not burn.

4

when you choose not to customize your character, it does… this.

6

random capital. the a should be lowercase.

another grammar error. instead of present tense, it should be past tense. written in past tense, this would be he’s known him long enough.

does he fall or get up? if both, then there should be an and between. however, i feel that if it were just gets up from the floor, it’d sound better.

9

this sentence is kind of… clunky. straggly white-dyed strands stick out in every place, the colour contrasting with his tanned complexion. he normally shaves, but… flows better.

10

correction: i take out my phone and unlock it, scrolling down for any news.

instead of increduluosly, it should be incredulously.

should be i’d, not i’ll.


#43

This is very helpful. Thank you like a million times over! :sob::grinning: I’ll work on rectifying these as soon as possible.


#44

I found some typos


closed #45

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