Sorry about that! I always forget to warn you that you probably need new saves after every update now that I’m still working on the bases 
I change the startup file a lot to add new permanent variables, which can break saves down the line :c
My advice, whenever you get an update to a game, always start a new save
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UPDATE There was a bug where if you didn’t flirt with Narmer, you didn’t get the age choice in chapter 2. It’s fixed now.
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Keep up with the amazing writing! going to give the priest origin path a go now! 
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I was about to ask, cause I never even got the age option for my priest. 
There goes any theory of Qenna being involved with Ammit, the devourer, or Apep, the enemy of light. 
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Yes, sorry I forgot to put a *goto command there.
Nope! It’s actually gonna be much simpler than that.
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Oh boy! Child torture! I’m not surprised our resident spymaster gets up to shady shit. Well, nobody’s perfect. Honestly that scene was tame compared to what I was expecting based on your warning, but maybe that’s just because it follows a scene where we watch the flesh melt off a different 13 yo.
Interesting detail that there is a 4th voice in the cell after the door closes (not Qenna, not Zaia, not prisoner), and that is the voice asking for help.
Quote
Qenna takes a deep breath, and throws a quick glance in Narmer’s direction, then turns to you.
“I have interrogated all of the other kids from… you know. Yesterday. Properly, this time.”
Does… does ‘properly’ involve less or more child torture?
Typos/comments
“He jerks the dagger out of your shoulder and he flings wildly at Tia, who is just standing there, paralyzed with terror.”
Swings? Flings makes me think he’s throwing the dagger.
…
“Thinking back at it later, you don’t exactly remember what happened after that.”
on
…
“You think you might’ve cast some magic on Tia by instinct to try and save her life. The palace guards have arrived at the same time.”
had
…
“Your left shoulder is thickly bandaged, and you have some burning on your hands from where you tried to reach out to Tia.”
burns
…
“You would rage if you could. If your fucking arm wouldn’be wrapped to your torso and you would actually be able to move it.”
wasn’t, were
…
'You briefly pass by some plain white buildings that might be the barracks of the palace guard, and then you arrive at a door that looks like it leads to an underground vine cellar."
wine?
…
“A guard stationed outside pulls open the heavy, bronze-plated door, and you follow Qenna down a few steps of stairs, Tabiry close on your heels.”
Awkward/confusing phrasing. You could say ‘a few flights of stairs’ or ‘a few steps’ depending on what you mean.
…
"Well, except for the amount of writing on the walls.
As soon as you step into the cave, you realize what they are when your consciousness shrivels and retreats back into your skull, and you find yourself unable to sense anything other than what your own eyes can see. It’s a disorientating experience, as if you suddenly get robbed of an entire sense, and in a way, you are.
They are magic suppressing spells then. Makes sense for a dungeon."
Hmm, not sure how best to handle this part. ‘Writing’ is singular, so the next paragraph should say ‘it is’, but then that messes up the third paragraph…
…
“You think?!” you balk. “It sounds like ${Q_he}'s giving him lifelong trauma!”
Imo this dialog sounds unnatural and took me out of the story for a sec. I can’t imagine ever saying I was “giving [someone] trauma”, I’d say I was “traumatizing [someone]”. Just my opinion.
…
“You’ve always took good care of your short, auburn hair.”
taken
…
“You were doing your schooling at the time, starting advanced astronomy, mathematics, and the like, but most often than not, you had to skip class to run errands for Hudjefa.”
more
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That’s… probably… it… The dungeon scene was originally planned for chapter 2, and your character would have only overheard some of the screams from the outside, but wouldn’t have known what was happening exactly or to whom. So compared to that, this is a lot more intense.
Ah damn, that was actually Zaia. The description was a bit confusing there, I just noticed. I fixed it for the next update!
The writing on the walls is not uniform, so imagine it like separate paragraphs and sentences thrown all over without an actual plan. They are thousands of separate spells that cover the entire cave. I don’t know how to describe that more clearly Should I put writings in plural?
Do you really want me to answer that? 
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I think you conveyed the image fine, it’s just the pronouns that are messed up. Writings wouldn’t work unless you were, like, referring to the text on the walls as the works of some specific author. There’s a bunch of possible ways to fix it, one might be:
Summary
Well, except for the amount of writing on the walls.
As soon as you step into the cave, you realize what it is when your consciousness shrivels and retreats back into your skull, and you find yourself unable to sense anything other than what your own eyes can see. It’s a disorientating experience, as if you suddenly get robbed of an entire sense, and in a way, you are.
The writing forms magic suppressing spells then. Makes sense for a dungeon.
Edit: Actually, if you just change ‘writing’ to ‘words written’ that might be better. Then your subsequent 'they’s refer to the plural ‘words’.
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Scribbles! There are scribbles on the walls! 
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I found an error. I chose to stop the ceremony after realizing there were six kids I didn’t recognize. After the chaos, the healer said that Tia would survive, but when I got interrogated by Qenna and Tabiry, the text said Tia was dead.
Later when I was at the palace, the text started treating her as alive again.
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Thanks! That’s definitely an error.
Edit: found the culprit! You weren’t even supposed to get that scene with Qenna and Tabiry It’s fixed now! Can you please try again and see if it’s all good?
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Yes! Everything appears to be workong now.
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NEW UPDATE
The Captain of the Guard is playable! It was a big work, and currently only a very linear path is playable with the captain through Chapter 1, but I will add the rest of the choices later.
GOOD NEWS: It’s the path that will definitely redeem poor Captain {instert-clever-insult} in the eyes of those who read the thief origin 
So please give the captain a chance to do some good deeds to our resident little thief 
What the update includes:
- Captain of the Theban Guard origin is playable! Lots of choices are still greyed out, but you can read through chapter 1 as the captain now.
- 22k words added to the demo, so that makes the total word count 191k. (edit: I made a mistake in the word count before. This is the correct one.)
- I made a map! Well… I translated a map from my native language that I did ages ago for a similar book. It took me forever last week to find the English names for certain cities, and I’m not sure if some of them are correct or not but fuck it, it’s good as it is. You can find the map in the Codex page in the Stats!
- Did lots of bug and code fixes
- Fixed some grammar and spelling errors
Next week, I’ll add the missing choices in the captain route. Not sure if I’ll have time to add all of them by the Friday update, but I’ll try :)))
Hope you’ll enjoy it! I’m especially interested to hear the opinion of those who’ve read the thief origin before 
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As someong who’s played since Thief was the only route playable–I never thought badly of the Captain.
Chap was just doing his job, and he wasn’t even the one pushing for that MC’s execution; that dubious honor goes to Pihu. As far as I can tell, her screeching wasn’t going to be taken as seriously regardless of how plot-important that MC’s survival is in the long term. It gives everyone something to “hold over” their head, but ultimately wasn’t something I could see actually being carried out since it seems like most misdemeanors in Thebes are handled as a ‘time out’, and maybe a slap on the wrist (read: beating) I also have reason to believe that MC’s “loot” was retrieved upon being brought in, so even less reason to take their life when they may never meet Pihu (willingly) again.
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I’m really enjoying how tired and out of fucks to give the captain seems lol
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Same here. With how the guards at the post all greeted my thief casually, I felt he was a fairly regular ‘guest’ at the jail. He even tried to sweet talk his way to a lighter sentence. Lol. So I didn’t think badly of the Captain. Just felt they had a sort of rivals in business relationship with all the thief’s mental nicknames for him. 
It felt like just another week on the job for both Thief and Captain. Shoot, I could see Seneb playing a game of cards against Captain and Guards through his cell bars once it was after hours.
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Just wait until the rest of the choices come out for the captain lol
The character’s core in one single sentence
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Ok. Read the guard route. My thoughts …
No arrow to the knee? My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined. 
Just kidding, you don’t need to change it.
When running into Zaia, it reads ‘lose spirit’. I believe you meant loose.
“The cat only gives you a condescending look. You didn’t know cats could even do that.”
I thought that was the default expression for all cats?
Gotta say…all four paths have been fun. I look forward to the future of the story. 
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You know, that was my first idea But then I changed it to an arrow to the eye instead lol.
Fair enough
Glad you liked it so far! 
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