I will definitely only use this knowledge for good and definitely not so Jay can wrangle Oliver into actually sleeping and eating sometimes by saying that he likes it when they eat meals together, or that he sleeps better when Oliver’s also there (neither of which are wrong! he may be playing it up a little but Oliver is one of few people Jay would actually enjoy sharing his space and time with)
i,, wish you much luck cause jay’s not much of a gym person. Loud environment with a whole bunch of people he doesn’t know around, for something he could also do somewhere more private? no thank you
fixed it for you!
Though that goes more for early-ish on, when he’s still getting used to this whole “it’s okay for other people to know that you want affection” thing. Later when they’re to the point of being in an actual relationship he’d be more content to just let the moment be what it is and enjoy that (until he gets fidgety)
heh, Jay’s also not great with new people so they’ll both get to be out of their comfort zone about it~ And hey, Keiji’s not gonna object to having some fun
I think in that case the best thing to do would be to call Keiji out on what he’s doing and why he’s doing it, because he hates acknowledging that his (shitty, terrible) coping mechanism are in fact coping mechanisms. Which, I can’t remember how much I’ve mentioned about the actual psychology behind Keiji’s whole self-destructive thing here before, so let me just give you the run-down.
Which I'm just gonna put under a cut cause it's.. kinda pretty heavy and is also probably gonna have mentions of self-harm and such topics so I want people to be able to easily avoid reading it
Keiji’s got some severe self-esteem issues and 0 healthy emotional coping skills. His way of dealing with emotions is to pretend they’re not there and every time his emotions do get the better of him (especially when other people see it) he sees it as a personal failure (and another confirmation of his low self-esteem). I’m sure you can already imagine how well this works for him.
He doesn’t trust that people won’t take advantage of vulnerability when he shows it (a lesson that was hammered home by Bobby), so he doesn’t ever really allow himself to emotionally connect with people. He’s open and friendly and a fun guy to hang out with, sure, and he has friends, but he’s not gonna open up to them in any way shape or form and deflect either with humour or flirting/sexual advances (depending on who it is) if they try to get him to open up.
Thing is, humans are kinda made as social creatures, and deep down he’s touch-starved and desperate for an actual genuine connection (which he repressed far enough that it’s largely subconscious). Here’s where we get into part of the reason why he sleeps around as much as he does. There’s the part where it’s purely hedonistic cause hey, sex is fun, but it’s also a form of connection (however shallow) and it’s physical contact that he does allow himself because sleeping with (mostly) strangers generally doesn’t carry any emotional attachment.
I’m trying to think of a smooth way to lead into how this ties into the fighting and his recklessness, but I can’t really think one so I’m just gonna go ahead and say that Keiji deals with some pretty severe suicidal ideation, arguably made worse by the fact that he himself doesn’t even realise it or sees it as a problem. He’s lived with it for long enough that it’s just life to him. He’s not a suicide risk, he’s not going to kill himself, but he also isn’t expecting to live long and he wouldn’t really mind dying.
Add onto that the fact that he’s an adrenaline junkie and you get his recklessness in actual fights (especially if he’s dealing with something cause, well, he wouldn’t commit suicide cause he’s not broken but it’s not suicide if you bait someone else into a fight and die in the process, right?). For sparring it lies a little differently cause, well, it’s not a proper fight and there’s no actual risk other than that of injury.
Which is where the self-harm themes come up. Cause calling back to what I mentioned way at the beginning, with Keiji trying to repress all his emotions and seeing it as a failure when he (reasonably, like any human being) can’t, the way he deals with both that perceived failure and the stress of bottling up a lot of his emotions is by essentially overloading himself with physical stimulation so he can’t linger on the mental/emotional. Anything that grounds him in the moment and forces him to stay there can work for this but his main go-tos are sex and violence (and he isn’t exactly gentle when it comes to sex either so, well, y’know).
Pain grounds him most easily, and anything that leaves injuries or lasting bruises is even better because he’ll still be hurting days after and it’ll still work to keep him from getting stuck in his own head (sometimes by exacerbating said injuries but it’s not like he gives a shit). This is also a reason he really likes being bitten/marked during sex, cause it lasts. Same for rope burns.
Which brings me back to how he’d be when sparring with Dezh, and what Wolfe might be able to do to get him to simmer the fuck down. He likes sparring in part just cause it’s fun and adrenaline-filled and it keeps his skills sharp, and generally speaking he wouldn’t hold back (though he would play around and mess with dezh just cause he’s a little shit, at least until she forces him to get serious) but he also wouldn’t be out for blood. He’d be having fun, and the bruises would just be a nice perk
If something bad recently happened (maybe he had to talk to Bobby again, or something happened on the job that actually genuinely affected him, or maybe he had to talk to his garbage family if this is a setting where he’s not Rebecca’s son) he’d be far less pleasant though. He’d be sharper, less inclined to joke around and more likely to taunt and try to egg Dezh on, to piss her off so there’ll be no chance of her holding back.
To snap him out of that and make him back off while you’re not the one fighting him, gosh. If he didn’t know Wolfe very well, and she doesn’t mind pissing him off, trying to make him talk about what happened would certainly do it. Push him on that perceived weakness, try and get him to talk about it, and he’d get defensive enough that he’d want to just flee the situation entirely (and it’d push him harder to try and pretend he’s fine, to prove Wolfe wrong, so the change of him getting into another, possibly worse, fight is slim). There might be other ways but yeah, this is the first one that came to mind
,,,hope you enjoyed this tmi look at my boy cause i may have gotten a little carried away and oh boy this is so long. he’s a mess! there’s a lot to talk about
edit: wow that was not ready to post yet and i’m not sure how that happened, let me just finish my thoughts
Edit 2.0: Done! feel free to enjoy