Hey @Revache Just finished playing the updated demo and this is a game that I can’t wait to play since its a great mixture of both urban fantasy as well as superhero fiction. I’ve got to ask if our MC could become a hero (Ala Doctor Strange) as I know that the magical community seems to want to remain secret at all cost and if the the MC were so inclined could this lead to conflict with the arcane council especially we encourage our apprentice into becoming a hero?
Thanks for the interest! This is tough to go into without spoiling too much. Let’s just say that you’ll definitely have “collisions” with the super hero world and the local papers will be all too happy to publish stories about you which may cause conflict with the council. I don’t want to go into much more detail than that but how you end up interacting with super heroes is definitely one of the funner aspects of the story, so I hope you enjoy!
Amazing so far, I love it!!! Also the Doctor Strange vibes I get are amazing!! Keep up the good work…
Okay i really enjoyed reading it, the puns even tho im not biggest fan of em i did kinda like em also i keep imagining MC as dr strange
Thank you for all the emotes! Also, it’s funny how everyone is really getting a Doctor Strange vibe after the 3rd Chapter. Which is cool because he’s a cool character!
I appreciate it! I hope to get a proper stat screen up soon to save people from the puns (or at least tuck them away a little).
Mehh. 1st Chapter was good… I kinda lost interest by Chapter 3. =/
Needs more communications with other characters (especially ROs), I think. Didn’t really care about helpin’ that one chic’s son with his magical lesson, though I wanted to be a good teacher.
Plot should have some sort of mystery to it, too. Maybe some BIG bad gang boss is after MC for their magical powers or MC is trying to find out what happen to his/her parents or something… Idk.
I guess I’ll just have to read more in the future before making a firm decision… Good luck! =)
I appreciate you checking it out and thanks for the critical feedback! It’s always nice to get another point of view so I can try and pull in other people . I’m glad you enjoyed the first chapter! Is that because of the interaction with Melany? I’m sorry you feel that it’s a bit slow after that but I can see why you might feel that way if you don’t like the “life simy” vibe of it and want to get into the meat of the story. Do you mind if I ask why you didn’t feel like helping the kid? Was it because you didn’t like him in particular or was it because you just generally weren’t hooked at that point?
And it’s funny when you say that you want some kind of mystery because the overall story line is definitely mystery focused. I just forget sometimes that while I know all the cool surprises coming, I need to translate that into my writing! I might go back and re-jig the first wasteling fight to better hint at the mysteries to come so thanks for pointing that out! Having said that, I do plan on it being a slow-boil of a story and to sometimes just have fun with the characters (kind of in a life-sim way) so it might just not end up being your cup of tea. The next 2 Chapters will also be introducing 2 ROs (one female, one male) so I hope that that might draw people in who are eager to engage in mature characters and not just Charlie.
Thanks for reading!
Of course! I did like to see the interactions between the siblings, yeah! The vampires were sort of interesting too, but it’s been done before soo ehh.
I liked him, but yeahh… was kind of losing interest at that point.
Hmm… Ok! I guess I’ll just need to read more to see what you do! ^^
Ah, I see your point about the vampires. I admit that those are the supernatural creatures I have the most trouble writing for at the moment. After engaging with the “World of Darkness” lore (really interesting vampires) it’s hard to make vampires that can compete and I obviously don’t want to straight copy so I might be verging a bit too much on the boring side. Definitely something to consider to see if I can’t turn that first fight into something a bit more interesting!
I really enjoyed the demo, but there were things I didn’t like, for example the fact that your character is established to be someone who is amazing at magic just because it suits the plot. What I’d suggest is saying that your teacher, the one that thought you all the wards also thought you to control magic. And tell more about your mentor, maybe add flashbacks. But overall I’m enjoying the story so far.
Wait…wolves don’t have reptilian parts?! There goes all my knowledge of lupine physiology! But, seriously, thank you! I fixed it so that it now recognises your familiar’s proper anatomy.
I think I know the part you’re talking about. Yeh, I’d intended it to be more like “You had a natural gift and your master was so talented that he managed to turn it into something very special”. But it doesn’t come off like that at all, so I’ll rejig that part to make it more clear! Also, I’ve already written a few fun flashback scenes, but am just trying to find the right place to stick them in without breaking the flow too badly (I’ve always been bad at finding the right place for them)! But they’re fun, cute and I’m really excited to get them out there!
A good place for a flashback would be in the part where you’re drawing wards on yourself, in the shower or while teaching the boy.
Ohhhhhh…that’s actually perfect! I have just the scene for the shower one. I really should have thought about that before but, like I said, I’m horrible at seeing the proper place for flashbacks. Cheers!
Mildly unimprtant question:How old are MC and sis?
Love the new chapter, only wish we could have really melted his phone. I hate everyone’s obsession with them nowadays.
While I have general idea in mind, I don’t want to give a strict age out because I kind of like letting people read it however they want to (within reason ). However, there will be scenes where both you and Melany are allowed to drink (whatever age that means in your country) and you attended the same school that had both primary and secondary/high school (So you can see yourself as being anywhere from a couple years to a decade apart really.)
If people really want more clarity then I might put something more in the story, but I don’t think I’ll ever force it down to a specific age number.
Haha! Admittedly, it was a quite therapeutic to write that scene!
As promised, I’m going to slowly start introducing the ROs! To start with, here’s a quick look at one you’ll meet in the next chapter!
Elza the claymore wielding, Scottish care-bear. Er…I mean, were-bear (Available to anyone):
She’s a sturdy 6 feet and naturally well-built with fiery orange hair that’s buzzed on the left side but cascades across and down the right to contrast exotically with striking blue eyes. She’s got a good heart, an implacable smile and is a well-known, serial bear hugger even when not in bear form. She has a general lust for life and optimistic energy, but can fall back into a thick Scottish accent if agitated. However, that’s rare because she’s part bear; not much worries her.
She’s an enforcer of Ma’at and your old partner so you already have a very friendly rapport with her. However, with a bit of nudging she might be able to become something more. Also, your familiar already likes her which is always a plus. Jealous familiars-in-law can be such a pain.
Even if you don’t romance her, she’s a close friend and ally who would gladly lay down her life for you.
Also, I’d like to officially note that this is the first story of 3 and is itself split up into 3 parts of 5 chapters each.
I’m trying to write it this way so that people can get a sense for when they’re nearing the end of the book based on how many of the 15 chapters they have left. I love reading actual books because of the feel you get as the pages begin to dwindle and you realise that there’s not much left so things are going to get intense. Unfortunately, you don’t get that with online fiction so I’m trying to keep the structure strict so that you can see the end draw near!
I legit just finished reading the updated Demo, only to pop out and see this. Great to see your progress, Man.
O.o Nice Work!
The Wolf familiar seems like a real piece of work.
Charlie’s eyes beam. “We’re done?”
Could he be any dumber? LoL