Wardens Call [WIP] up to chapter 3

Hey! So i’m not great at introductions but bear with me. I’m a lurker of the site for about 2 years now and i decided to make a game myself. I initially thought to go very small but once i got determined it may have passed a normal definition of…small :sweat: and wow did i have to work to figure out the errors.

this is my description of the game known as Wardens Call which i plan to work on bit by bit.

It was just supposed to be another day in college with another day to dread your future after graduation. Turns out it was! Well, if having a strange battle played out right in front of you on your way back from class counts that is. They say the world is a pretty big place, does that include strange monsters, mystical objects, a secret society, and evil beings lurking in the dark just waiting to eat you up too? Experience the mystical world of the supernatural as you are thrown into a broken order dedicated to protecting the realm. It’s time for you to heed the Wardens’ Call!

what i intend to get out of this is feedback. not just errors but actual feedback like this didn’t make complete sense for me, could you explain it more? Is this part supposed to be vague? there’s a lot of text on this part

As of right now, 3 chapters are done and i plan to have at the very least 10 chapters. My message at the end was before i played it myself so there may be some parts already fixed or over fixed :sweat_smile: . these 3 chapters are to serve as the world-building stage, I tried to tone it done but I felt like this had to have it. I wanted the world to be understood before going out into it. I fear there are some parts where it became too much or out of place. I was also struggling if I wanted to include moments of the first-person view or just third which you’ll probably see in there.

rambling aside, 2 weeks of this is a good amount of progress for me… anyway here you go :confounded:

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/play/indiewhale/wardens-call/mygame/

also, FIRST POST HERE! :sweat_smile: ok, i’m done.

56 Likes

Sounds interesting I’ll play it later

I love the story and all the hard work you put into it and three chapters no less so I’m guessing you put a lot of work into it for two years of being here

2 Likes

Firstly, good luck on your wip and have fun writing.

So many screenshots… I could only reach half of the second chapter and have so many screenshots:

Low and High Level Feedback (probably too many)

I believe you haven’t had much care about capitalization while writing, so I didn’t point out those stuff since it was basically everywhere.
Also, there were some grammatical issues I didn’t include.
Overall, I like what you’re doing. I am interested in the idea how this world is blend with technology, like they have phones but also have swordfighting and such. I would like to learn more as we go deeper into the story.

However I think it needs so much polishing.

Looking forward to see where this wip goes. Good luck :slightly_smiling_face:

6 Likes

It is an interesting read so far. Color me intrigued for more.

As for any critiques.

It seems you are jumping from first to third person quite a lot, and while I can follow the story, it messes with the flow causing the reader to puzzle out what is going on.

Another thing is, the transition between characters. You place characters conversing within a paragraph, when they should be spaced out to not confuse the reader on who is talking.

The final thing i will say is, some scenes feel rushed and somewhat incomplete.

For instance, the whole introduction to the fantasy world, it didn’t feel like we as both the player and character had time to soak in the atmosphere befere the scene transitioned.

Sorry if any of that come off as too harsh. i really enjoyed myself with what you have, i just think it could be better.

4 Likes

No no no… I wasn’t expecting to having a dream about it when I started reading. What is this story!?!?!?

i shall take this as a compliment :rofl:

and thanks for the feedback! you are correct in that i didnt care too much for capitalization and focusing on grammar too much. I planned to fix it all up when i was finished with the story. But the massive amount of feedback does help!

3 Likes

Don’t worry, you weren’t harsh at all! The feedback you gave me matched with my own concerns over the story so now i know that someone else can also see it!

The introduction to the fantasy world is meant to feel somewhat rushed but not completely so i’ll keep a tab on that now.

2 Likes

I liked it, the story is very interesting. I’m waiting for the final version.

1 Like