@Szaal Just to make sure I understand this, you’re suggesting the choice option have the simple and easy to recognize name but the full name in the description once you select that option?
That was really good! Other than the occasional grammaticalerror.
@EJC_Gaming_EJC_Gamin Grammar has always been a struggle for me. I tend to resort to writing how I talk
well if you ever need any help there are plenty of native english speakers on the forums including myself
@EJC_Gaming_EJC_Gamin Never said I wasn’t a native speaker just said my grammar sucks
sorry I shouldn’t assume stuff its a bit of a habit
Ooh, this is looking like it’ll be a fun one! Definitely loving the goofy “I have no idea what I’m doing/am not taking things seriously at all” options.
@Ahnyks I’m having a lot more fun writing this story as it doesn’t take itself too seriously!
Hmm… Not a bad start!
Pointers… For the Pulse upgrade thingy, I think you should give the readers the option to choose at least 3 of the choices to apply to your Pulse. Because I wanted to have the Shield, but also the kinetic defense system. Was a little disappointed there, ah well…
Another thing to point out! I know this is just a demo, but I ALMOST lost interest because there wasn’t much romance… is there going to be any even tho it’s mostly focusing on the WarGames? ^^
@SneakyFantasy Don’t worry next chapter introduces everyone
And I don’t want to give everyone that many choices. I want people to make a hard decision there, but glad you liked it!
Lol I liked the line where you say you write choicescript games to Mina
In that case, I think this is more toward the realm of balance rather than user-friendliness.
I was thinking, if the Auto-Rifle has various attachments available, in what case I’ll want to have dual pistols or the railgun rather than EM-kinetic-grenade launcher equipped AR?
@Szaal the auto rifle has less fire power than the rail gun and pistols unless you add a grenade launcher. The hcaps come with the added bonus of hybridization built in. The hcaps also boost speed and the rail gun boosts energy.
A couple errors:
If you are from Japan the “even in Japan” part sounds odd. Also, Japanese drinking age is set 20 which is higher than a lot of other countries, so in most of the cases, this sentence still sounds a bit odd. (Sounds fine if you are from, for example, USA)
Party with your cousin
Party with the cousin as a Japanese has multiple problems. First of all, it’s stated that it’s a “Welcome to Japan party” which doesn’t fit. Secondly, the text repeats. Thirdly, you can’t choose the dish and talk with your cousin about video games etc.
Looks like there is a lot of problems with the effects of choosing a country. I think that fixing it will require a lot of work, so if you are not willing to do that, it would be better to limit the starting options, than to leave stuff half-done. The problems are mainly for Japanese characters, but not only. Some stuff I have also noticed:
-Guessing the accent of the guy at the airport: you guess it’s Mexican, despite it being Columbian, even if you are Mexican yourself (same would be if you made a custom Columbian origin)
-Shun being half-Japanese even if you are Japanese.
-Probably some interactions with other people from your country. There is at least one German girl from what I remember.
BTW: I am surprised there is no Russia in default countries.
@gvyn hmm looks like I have some work to do then. Yeah the country thing was ambitious but it plays a big part in the story, kinda like fighting for your home olympics style. Not sure how to work around it as limiting the options might take that feeling away from some people
That being said I had imagined that choice kinda being a one and done type thing, where the reader knew they were “Indian” (ex) and the story never had to bring it up again. Thoughts?
Also russia was left off for a reason
I would say never bringing nationality again is ok if it’s not something that involves the story: for example local (Japanese) or interactions with other characters of the same nationality (accent and stuff, or if Olympics style it’s the same team).
I wouldn’t mind making a character from my country that ain’t that popular, and I wouldn’t mind it not being really mentioned later, but…“Chekhov’s gun” if it’s not needed, don’t add it. Everybody has their own ideas about setting either way.
Also, if Russia was left off for a reason that might be a problem actually. Since there is a custom option, someone might want to make a Russian character, and we are back to the previous point.
And since I already mentioned it: if you are making it Olympics style, being from the same country would probably matter a lot. Do we get some no-name teammates (naming characters from custom countries is practically impossible)?
To sum it up: If there is no nationality related scenes (which will be difficult, especially with Olympics, for example, the cousin part would be probably better changed to a dorm or smth), “one and done” is fine, but no real point in it. If it’s related to some scenes (Japanese, countries with characters present in the story, national team etc.) it’s better if there is a choice (or a set nationality), but it needs to matter later.
Of course, that’s just my personal opinion, and anyone (especially an author) can disagree.
@gvyn I see where you’re coming from, I have a lot to think about now. I’ll throw some ideas in the next chapter and see how that goes!
Also what is your thoughts on being half (whatever you choose) and half English. You were born in (wherever you choose) but moved to the states for most of your life. That could explain shun/Mina better and still have some patriotism to your home country all while still having the inexperience of living in a new place?
I think it’s a nice idea. It would actually fix a lot of problems mentioned. There are still some cases of language and cultural differences in case of Japanese character, but they could be minor here (especially if the parent that survived was English, cause that could be a reason for the second language and culture being rusty). There is still the problem of the national team.
The new problems:
- Characters feelings about its relationship with both cultures. (Kind of optional, unless there would be a choice for which team to play.)
- Character being full-bloodied English. (would probably result in a couple changed texts, and no problem 1).
In this WiP and story, the MC doesn’t make it to the games yet.
This story covers the MC’s first year at GPU, so sequel maybe?
Im usually not into mechs but I actually really liked this