Walls of Natrun [128k words] [Updated May 31th]

You don’t need to have played it, no.

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OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD. Correct me if I’m wrong, but were you inspired by Pierce Brown’s Red Rising universe to make this IF? I just finished rereading the graphic novels and the first trilogy, so that’s why I could be watching The Society anywhere, but the distinction between different genetically altered social classes with their different ranks and subtleties, Greco-Roman culture, positions like sovereign and legato, and the possibility of being a populist leading secretly or openly. Plus having our very own Cassius (I know the rival trope is pretty common, but entertain me for a while) and the possibility of being a populist sovereign who slowly fights against slavery reminds me of Flitchner’s original plan before the Jackal kill him. All of that just makes my fanboy instincts tingle.

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That’s fine, I much rather have a fleshed out and well written character. I really adore how the MC interact with the ROs so far. At least for my MC, it’s borderline flirtious yet sarcastic to Victoria and Ele. Maybe biased since I like these kinds of dynamics where it’s not really an overly one sided affection and intimacy. I like to imagine that the MC harbor feelings for both of them but can’t really act on their feelings because of the circumstances.

It’s amazing how I can imagine this much with only the first early chapters.

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this is very promising story. i’m impressed by the amount of variety choices for the first entry. i’m wondering whether it has any impact or it’s just flavors

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Most playthroughs of Saturnine conclude near the end of February, while Walls of Natrun begins on April 1st of the same year. Not that it matters; the two stories take place in completely different places and don’t really affect one another at all.

You’re wrong, I’ve never heard of that series in my entire life. Whenever I do get inspired by something, I put blatant references to that thing and/or openly brag about having taken all my stuff from it. Subtlety is not my forte.

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Bugs


Top one should be not be a ‘no’ check.

Also I believe the variable pietro_freed variable is not set anywhere in chapter two. Also I noticed a lot of lines being cut off

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Very interesting, played two chars m/f back to back and I’m hooked, I already liked the universe from the other book, but I prefer this setting much more where it appears we can be a horrible despot.

I’ve seen, what I think are, a few typos which I’ll report later on when I have free time again; very excited to see the continuation of it.

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Had a great time playing multiple runs of this! Kept my attention, offered very clear set of choices, and provided a really nice introduction to the setting and gameplay! I like how the MC’s background seems to offer a small bump to different stats depending on what’s chosen. Also, cool world-building with the axion currency. I think it’s super interesting that there’s actual value to the physical object. (Could you build a whole new bomb with that?!)

Screenshots of some continuity stuff

-When playing a bisexual MC, and after choosing the perfume:


Elvira’s line here acknowledges the MC’s sexuality, but the MC’s own follow up focuses exclusively on attracting women. IDK, felt a bit like an oversight? Especially since choosing to be attracted to men-only in a different run flipped the line to reflect that.

-Cut this screenshot off early by accident, but when meeting the Legate:


Kolanos’s dialogue line ends in a blank space.

Stuff without screenshots

-Choosing to wear feminine clothing offers the option “a strapless dress with high-heels” as the final choice, but the follow-up question still requires the player to specify their shoe-style, including some options that exclude the high-heels (like going barefoot.)

-Loved the opportunity to “fire” Pietro from slavery and bluff that it was a punishment. However, the follow-up conversation with him in the Throne Room had a dialogue option referring to Elvira as a slave, even though I chose to free and re-hire her as a well-paid employee; not sure if this was just a reference to her former status, or a small blip in the continuity.

-Vic silently wished me luck with the Legate even though I just declared them [Vic] my sworn enemy, haha. I like that it didn’t atuo-trigger the cold reaction, but it feels like there should be another line or something given that “all that [I’ve] done to them so far” includes declaring them my ceremonial opponent (and scum of the earth) in front of the entire assembly after relentlessly flirting at every opportunity. And otherwise implying that I wanted to remain cordial/work together.

-Raised my acting/charisma high enough to bluff Kolanos that the city would be able to raise the funds in time, but all of the “goodbye” dialogue options to him portrayed the usual range of protesting, intimidated, or threatening responses instead of continuing to pretend nothing was wrong. It would have been nice to keep up the act; especially since the strategy session at the end let me claim that I was going to try to fool him with a faux-cooperative attitude.

Deeply loved the option to make life worse for everyone and then brag about it. The assembly’s total lack of surprise was really funny. Hands down, my favorite moment.

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Sure. Out of ten “paths” available to the player, one revolves around pursuing ultimate power and another one is just evil for evil’s sake. You can already do some pretty messed-up stuff to other characters, and the MCs reign hasn’t even properly began.

I’m glad someone noticed, I’ve spend unreasonably long making sure that all backgrounds are “balanced” and that each stat gets as many potential increases as every other stat.

Not really. Dark matter and antimatter are two unrelated concepts, both in my setting and IRL. As such, smelting all your money into a huge bomb is probably not a valid strategy.

Otherwise, good points/catches. I will soon release an update that fixes all these issues, as well as some other minor stuff.

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Ok, playthrough done. Free cover art not included.

Right. Vlad’s automobile just so happened to collide with a high-caliber bullet. Judging by the state of his skull after the accident, at least one of these objects was traveling at supersonic speeds before the unfortunate collision. hopefully you’ll be able to avoid your predecessor’s fate.

Maybe have some fake choices for your motivation in choosing a revolver type, and the symbolism of your choice?

“Should I secure a room for the two you?”

Titus Avernus is, as you undoubtedly know, a Republican play," -Missing open quotes

“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” Kolanos chimes in. "Your servant -Did this sentence get cut off?

It’s twenty times more money than what you have in the treasury. It’s an order of magnitude more than Natrun’s gross domestic product. If you were to sell the entire island save the city itself, you’d likely get less than forty million axions for it. It’s more gold and dark matter than any Sovereign, or even the Mad King himself, ever wielded at any point in time.-If I do the math, Natrun’s GDP is 4 million and your treasury has 1.9 million (you said 20x more and not 20x). That means that your treasury, in cash, is equal to nearly half the value of goods and services produced by Natrun per year/period. Seems unbalanced. Maybe invest that money in something? Your treasury being 5-10% of GDP would be more realistic.

Some of your guest sensed danger and ran to their cozy villas, others simply got bored of waiting for you and went to get a snack.

Minor thing, for the stats screen, if you are on a certain page, maybe hide or disable the choice below corresponding to it to show where you are?

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Shoots, I just updated the game like I said I would yesterday and don’t want to deal with that again. I’ll correct those typos (and maybe the economics) later this week, I suppose.

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The legate seems very hostile to an MC who’s from Uruk and had Republic agents help him win the election

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Also making special camps to deal with the lower city is wild

The Republic is very big and not very organized. Everyone in power has their own agenda and nobody fully knows what espionage shenanigans are going on behind the scenes. I will probably write unique dialogue for Urukian MC at some point, but it’s not my priority since the scene mostly makes sense either way.

I changed that line to something with fewer connotations.

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I’m going to protect my city no matter what this is actually great I love it

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Thread Update. I’ve added a list of romance options with individual descriptions, an “RO Roster” as I like to call it, to the opening post of this thread. I’ve been meaning to write it for a while, but didn’t really have my heart (heh) in it until now.

I’m sorry I don’t have a larger update, but the chapter I’m writing is pretty large. Really, it’s more of a collection of smaller chapters I’m hoping to bundle into one update. I’m not sure how it will actually turn out, but I promise I’ll release something before the end of the month.

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Kinda want to play a joke run with an mc who is actively seeking ways to ruin natrun but ends up failing successfully and it flourish under their rule

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Loving it so far, can’t wait for more!

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That should be an option, provided you play on easy mode and avoid any “instant game-over” options. Making comedic runs possible is part of my modus operandi, after all.

Just two more weeks, I promise. I’ve already posted a part of Chapter Three on Patreon, now I just have to write… actually quite a lot, but I should have enough free time during Easter.

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Played through this, amazing game so far. I will be watching this with great interest.

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