This is wonderful.
There are a number of typos and the dialogue can get a bit stilted but they’re easily overlooked when faced with how interesting the story is.
I’m glad you decided to revive this.
This is wonderful.
Okay, replaying the game.
Since the adventurers have heard of the MC, why are they surprised by the transformation?
Is the MC’s species not known for some reason?
Okay. So bunch of stuff to say in one thing.
To your thing: Part of it is the feeling that they were actually getting somewhere only for the battle to go into “No. Everything you just did doesn’t count.” Then there’s the fact that only Lucia was the one smart enough to really recognize the MC and even then that wasn’t right away. She heard of things vaguely enough, but it doesn’t mean she’s aware of all the exact details about a situation. But know who could have mentioned it at any time? The cat. If you want someone to blame, blame that ****ing cat.
In general: I’m still trying to make progress and I started using Note Pad ++ which is profoundly more useful to properly see things and do indenting. I’ve looked into using a save anywhere mechanic like other WIPS do, but from what I can tell it’s a plugin that let’s them do it and one that you can’t even get anymore because all the link does is send you to a 404 page.
The only alternate solution would be checkpoints which is not quite as good. This is probably going to be a bit before I can figure this out. But I’m still working on the next chapter and possibly after that(Still not sure how many chapters I should do before trying to go complete full version. Comparatively, mine actually runs a bit longer than most for that already.)
What I can say is the next chapter is going to be technically skippable, but it’s also not going to be without it’s own things to do.
Al in all, for those snags, I blame the ****ing cat.
You know, all things aside? Lillian is a lot less annoying than my actual sister.
So, I thought I could go in and track a few typos/mistakes. There should certainly be others - if only because I only went through one route to list those - but still, I hope it’ll help a bit.
“No longer am I freak of a nature” -> A freak of nature
“But enough of the past” -> But enough about the past
“the king moblized quickly” -> mobilized
“they’re is twelve corpses of soldiers…” -> there are
“as I look at the phanlax” -> phalanx
“While larger then a church” -> than
“I can feel the one that my eyeptach” -> eyepatch
“they are least partially important” -> I feel like “mildly important” would work better?
Note: the choice to play a female MC comes with a small mistake. If you fuse the sentence and the choice you’re given, it ends up being “what could we do to this h-her?”.
“If this is the woman, Brimea talked about” -> no need for a comma
“What a women” -> What a woman
“I didn’t take my mocking nearly fear enough” -> nearly far enough
“tries to critcize” -> to criticize
“Dam you accursed fiend!” -> Damn you
“Rubble flys out of the pillar” -> flies out (also, you used the word ‘pillar’ just before that, so doing it again seems a bit redundant)
“he’s now on he’s knees” -> on his knees
“Glad, he remembers me” -> I’m glad he remembers me
"Vice Commander, [Name] -> no need for the comma
“Azul fires a protective wall of stone to guard to block” -> either to guard or to block, but not both
“an arrow piercing out through the skin of the air” -> piercing through the air
“I throw him into the body of the mage” -> seems a bit clumsy. ‘into the mage’?
“it doesn’t help I can hear one of them” -> it doesn’t help that I can hear one of them
“something should be broken by the point” -> by this point
“Outlandish rouge” -> rogue (though I suppose that this mistake is so common the character itself could be making it)
“it’s more of out of distraction then caculation” -> it’s more out of distraction than calculation
“to call onself a hero” -> to call oneself a hero
“I try to not let my eyes reveal shock” -> shouldn’t it be ‘eye’, singular?
“I see the spirtiual energy” -> spiritual
“he had the battle instincts of jellyfish” -> of a jellyfish
“looking as surprised I am” -> as surprised as I am
“Now that the Vice Commander is worked up you’ll be fighting the commander at full power!” -> did the MC got a promotion mid-fight?
“some stupid pissant whose too stubborn to die” -> who’s
“it was not becuase you were weak” -> because
“I can’t feel satisifed” -> satisfied
Well, that’s a good place to stop for now, I’ll try to continue this later! I hope it helps!
Yep. I’m going through all of that very slowly. Even if I don’t really believe it when I say it myself, I will get around to updating.
I’ll just list off all my excuses real quick. There all weak individually but build up when put together:
There’s work that I need to do to get money. Today in particular is going to be brutal being the peak day for customers to establish they have no place to be at 1am. I know the main goto for things these days is pateron pages, but I don’t have one.
The whole thing with my stomach which I don’t think I’ve ever brought up ever before actually…but that whole thing can make things difficult. How? I won’t give details.
Finding a cheap place to live and better paying job is a time pressing thing.
Remembering to maintain my exercise routine is at least an hour and half about everyday.
I’ve also taken up online dating recently. But that’s a whole other thing, though I could dedicate a whole blog all about that.
So there’s the most recent reasons for dragging my feet, so you all know.
Hey, don’t worry. My post wasn’t a veiled “update now!” ploy, it just happened that I had a bit of free time on my hand, and this story in mind due to conversations in another topic - but, well, you saw that. And since going back to track down typos is usually a pretty boring task, I just thought spotting a few of them in advance couldn’t hurt.
Though I have to say…
Impressive. I barely manage fifteen minutes a day One hour and a half are a once-a-week occurrence for me!
Nonetheless, I think we are all aware here how time can fly, and how there’s never enough of it to do everything we’d want to do. For now, the fact that you’ve resurrected this project is good enough!
I remember trying this wip n I’m happy 2 c it still live hope 2 buy this game when it’s done and have hours 2 play.
I hope frosty is still work on this he or she did good job on the story
It’s easy to make the assumption that I’ve completely forgotten about this, but not really.
This is just a little more tricky to do than my other project, is all and momentum really goes off and on. If you need the exacts:
It seems that the modifications used to make a saving systems are long lost to time and the few places to get the mod for it, don’t work.
Partly, not having a total plan for the story does have it’s uses in ways. It can adapt to just about everything but also at the cost of the question being asked “Where to go from here?”
This particular chapter is rather tricky to do, for reasons that are hard to get into. I’m still having trouble with figuring out double variables for starters, which is a set back itself.
Thank you. This is a very interesting role to
play as and the various discussions over the groups ideals adds a wonderful introspective tone to this story I wasn’t really expecting.
The characters are well crafted. I’m particularly interested in what kind of person could unite such diverse individuals. It’s my hope that you’ll include something of a flashback once you get back into the swing of things.
Have a nice day.
Kind of amazed that it gave you that impression. Most of them are just meant to be as hardcore to a character archetype as possible. Which is the point, obviously.
That’s kind of my point. The overlords really bring together the whole villainous conquers vibe, and the wannabe hero’s help me settle in to the mindset of a overpowered boss. Lillian place as a younger sibling looking for guidance makes sticking with my chosen personality more rewarding.
Sometimes a well done clitch is better than a layered and intricate persona. Like how a simple burger can be better than a complicated meal.
Hey did you notice the weird Symmetry between our avatar pics?
I got say this the grand father is a dick face like the fat cat
Ironically, the fact that everyone wants them dead(Myself included), is proof that I actually made those two quite beautifully.
The one existing to just be everything wrong with traditional world ruling villains.
The other exists to showcase everything wrong with mascot characters and why the urge to strangle them on sight is perfectly natural.
The weird thing is, the fact that characters suck, actually means they are doing their job correctly since just about everybody in this only exists to represent the absolute worst things about their archetype.
Of course, this is obviously the point. For anyone whose played RPGs before, they will pick it up right away that the point of the game isn’t avoiding tropes or even having likeable characters. It’s about taking old RPG cliches and then amplifying them by 300%.
I have to say this is one of the better Wip’s In my opinion.
Edit. So I’m assuming our character is the Dragon in cheif archetype?
Aha, embrace the cliches eh? And then somehow make that enjoyable to play through (Hopefully multiple times too). Good luck! I already find the plot engaging on its own.
Does that include the clitch of a hero being tricked, convinced, or corrupted into luring there fellows into a trap?
Oh! What about the hero’s are cornered and release some giant mindless monster to buy them time to escape clitch?
you did good job on make me hate this two