Sounds interesting!
As easy as itād be to just let Carlton be an option thatās easy to obtain, itās not really that interesting nor does it fit the what my story is about. This isnāt supposed to be an easy choice - youāre supposed to question whether you value a romantic relationship over a close friendship, or vice versa. And again, this story isnāt meant to be suited to pursuing a romantic interest. Getting together with the ROs is supposed to be difficult in this story because each choice you make has long-reaching effects that impacts other people.
To be fair Iām not really interested in the romance aspects and more with the central plot, Iāve been wanting to read since you posted in the interest check thread, i guess my comments was just due to my own views getting in the way, itās nice to see a cg with this impact on mc and their bff relationship, will people who Romance Olivia have a equal delicate situation to dealt with? Si far Iām really enjoying throwing insults with Madison, Iām probably gonna have bad relationships with everyone because firebrand all the way.
Iām glad youāre enjoying the firebrand option! As for Olivia, she is not a romance option.
I got her Mixed up, i meant Sabrina the goth girl lol
Sabrina wonāt cause any difficulties with other characters, but she will be hard to romance because sheās had a rough life.
Itās interesting canāt wait for more
I really enjoyed the demo so far. Psychological thrillers are right up my alley, so I hope you continue with this project.
I did notice one error:
āYeah, isnāt they soooooo lovely?ā Madison mocks. āJust the kindest person.ā
One suggestion: I see what youāre going for with the stats block off options thing, but maybe have it come into play later in the game? I feel like introducing this mechanic too soon runs the risk of creating a cycle where you pick choice X, raising stat X, limiting you to X choices, which further raise stat X, further limiting you and so on.
In my play through, I made a handful of middle of the road choices (ignored Madison, asked both Madison and Adrian to stay, didnāt flirt with either RO) and all of a sudden I only had 2/5 options.
Which just felt sudden this soon into the game.
Overall, awesome job, I look forward to seeing what you do with this cool premise.
Oof, yeah. Okay, maybe I got a bit ambitious there. Iāll fix that one up and make sure to be aware of that cycle. Thank you for the bug reports as well!
Hey @trevers17 -
I read your beginning and will be keeping an eye on your progress. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.
With that being said, I have a few thoughts (feedback) to share:
1: The setting brings back memories ā¦ Iāve been almost every character you have in one form or another ā¦ from the new invitee to the organizer of such gatherings, so good job there.
2: A couple of choices had my preferred choice grayed out or it did not exist. For example: the choice beginning with:
had no choice to accompany Adrian(?) to set up the campā¦ something I would have jumped at. It might because of plot reasons but you should at least address the possible want of a reader to go up the trail with him.
The second time I felt the choice I wanted was unavailable was when the red beenie guy and Olivia are sniping at each other. You had a choice about being nice to the guy but still supporting your friend ā¦ it was grayed out on me so I was forced to be not involvedā¦ I did not want to be aggressive or to be passive-aggressive but at the same time I did not want to just let him walk all over a friendā¦
3: I feel like the scene is super compacted ā¦ everything is wam-bam one thing after another. I would have liked a little more dialogue and set-up material during the scene. For example, is Madison, Olivia and me involved in the prep-squad somehow or are they involved but the MC isnāt?
It is these little details that make a difference in the dynamics involved between friends and I feel like I should be in possession of a bit more of those details to really grasp what is going on.
Back to writing for me but I am super glad you opened your writing to the community - thanks!
lol Iām in the minority it seems that I prefer Carlton to Adrian.
To be fair, Madison doesnāt really provide many openings for flirting and seems to have the exact same relationship with the MC as Beatrice with Benedict in Much Ado About Nothing.
I definitely will be addressing that now, no worries.
Yep, Iām gonna remove all but one of the stat checks there. The only one thatās going to keep the stat check is the āsignal to Madisonā choice.
Thatās a good suggestion, and I was planning on addressing those choices anyway considering the reused text caused issues there. I didnāt really go in much further on the pep squad since it was a minor detail, but Iāll expand that section a bit and look for other opportunities to add in more dialogue.
Iām glad to hear you like him!
Madison doesnāt have any openings for flirting because sheās not an RO. I wouldnāt really consider them the same as Beatrice and Benedict, but thatās mostly because I know where MC and Madison are going to end up by the end of the story.
But when talking to Sabrina we can tell her we would like to fix things with Madison. Maybe it could evolve into romance. I get youāre trying to be mysterious about whatever happened between the MC and Mads but I think itās the wrong move. If we donāt wanna share it with others thatās one thing but not knowing it even ourselves feels weird.
You canāt really expect readers to draw conclusions from information only you have. All we know is that Madison and the MC used to be close, but now they bicker constantly due to some disagreement in the pastā¦ which is exactly what we know about Beatrice and Benedict at the beginning of the play.
Well ok, Iām a bit iffy on the B&B used to be friends part. Itās been a while since I read that script, but itās still very close to a well established trope, which is my point.
āFixā things meaning āfix their friendship.ā Thereās absolutely an event that tore them apart (which is discussed in Madisonās character bio and is referenced in the text on one of the choice options prior to the ādo you want to fix your friendshipā choice), but there was never any romantic interest between Madison and MC. I donāt really think sheās suitable for a romance route. She has nothing but resentment for MC, so a romance route wouldnāt make any sense. And, again, this story isnāt meant to be suitable to romance to begin with.
The actual event will be addressed in future chapters, but Iām not addressing it right out of the gate because thatās boring. Iām obviously going to wait until tensions with Madison have increased to a point where they have to talk about it. Iām sorry that you donāt like that Iām not laying every card on the table in Chapter 1, but this is still, at heart, a story, and I want to have some things be revealed later. The event is a pretty serious event that would have a major impact on anyoneās relationship, so I want to give it the importance it deserves.
I expect readers to see that Madison clearly does not like the MC at all based on her behavior towards them and naturally assume that she has zero interest in pursuing any romance with them. Iām not exactly sure what else readers could possibly need to reach that conclusion. Iām trying not to have Madison calling MC a worthless scourge or punch them in the face right out of the gate. Iām writing a story, I have to consider how people would actually behave in these scenarios. Madison might be rude and callous, but I want her to be humanely so. Going for the jugular within the first chapter just isnāt realistic.
Maybe what you could do is have an option to flirt with her and to have her turn MC down flat out making her intentions incredibly clear?
Just to be clear, Iām not telling you how to write your story. Just that you should probably expect readers of your fiction to expect tropes over reality.
This is also a romance trope though. And it would likely add even more confusion because now youāve opened up an actual in game acknowledgement of the potential for a romance which people apparently want. I mean, I personally find Madison the most interesting.
I think this is where a little more dialogue and background inserted into the opening scene could help. Many Otome types of games and virtual novels have the romantic interest that fight or argue with each other all the time.
As a matter of fact, one just released this month called: āTailor Talesā has two types of responses to your possible ROās - āfierceā or ākindā ā¦ so for people looking into romance of the āfierceā nature Madison would be who they were possibly looking forā¦
You can always subvert a trope. It makes things more interesting.